soudtrack: common geto heaven

i love ash, i really do, but if that girl calls me again to come pick her up.... if you have to take the shuttle bus, you need to wake up early or something. i know that sometimes it's early or late, but it can't be that unreliable if most students who take it end up on campus on time. i wouldn't be complaining all that bad if parking wasn't so bad; i pray for a spot when i come back.

did some hardcore studying yesterday; mostly organic even though i have physics homework due tomorrow that i didn't touch. mom wants me to go into the city (baltimore) this week and i just don't have the time with all these exams coming up (the red ink marking my exams on my calendar hurts my eyes). dress rehersal for african dance is next week and i still have nothing made. i'm screwing myself over slowly.

computer wise, i thought that one of my speakers blew out when instead i was having problems with my soundcard (yet again!); al talked me through reseting my system settings and now everything is working again. for some reason, i couldn't FTP anything on my personal site a while ago. i tried this morning and i was able to finally get that stuff up. whooodoggie! starting to get tired of the way this blog looks; i have a skin lying around somewhere. maybe i'll dress this up a bit.

peace for your day.

ok, this is going to sound weird but i have never eaten asparagus before this weekend. not that i didn't like it, but i just never ate it as a child. i knew they exsisted, but i never had it growing up. so anyways, i was over a friend's house this saturday and she had steamed some asparagus. i didn't know what to expect when i served my first spear. it was good; not too soft, not too crunchy. just enough salt to give it flavor. kind of rubbery, but i got over that. but all in all, very good. now i can say that i truly enjoy asparagus (i told you i'm a picky eater).

that's my little morning story. peace for you day.

so here i am giving my friend some advice when truly i should be taking some of the medicine that i'm dispensing out. there are too many things to finish up or do before the end of the semester, my parents are driving me crazy about my 5th year which 'should not be because you go to a 4 year institution', and my money is just dwindling. but i'm less stressed and frustrated and upset than i was last week; i'm ready to kick some ass. the last exams before finals in two weeks and i have no time to spare.

parking here is irking; i literally drove for 20 minutes just looking for parking. dr. h is stupid; get rid of a parking lot to build a new dorm? everytime.. no, right before we finish a construction project, there is already another one going. out of all the four years that i've been here, there has always been some large construction project going on. it's annoying because it's an eyesore, eventually we have to get used to the new traffic (walking and driving) changes and then in the end, tutition goes up. this school is not improving when problems as small as vegetarian entrees and as large as no parking, go on ignored. and there is my $5,300/semester at work!

the things that i would do for honeycombs. mom bought honeycombs for tim and when i went home this weekend, i had some for breakfast. now, even though i tend not to eat cereal at school (don't ask; i'm a picky eater), i was driving to every supermarket (even royal farms) just to find this cereal; i finally found some at the safeway on route 40. me want honeycombs and me get them.

oh yeah: mad shoutout to jer; i miss you boy!

peace for your week.

it's raining outside. what happened to the 'abundant sunshine'. i feel cheated somehow.

i got an email from one of my friends from philly (who just happens to be in england right now); for the summer, she'll be teaching about HIV/AIDS in malawi... MALAWI! what i wouldn't give to go somewhere... anywhere except stay at this lousy university for a chunk of my summer and do something worthwhile. this summer though, i'm planning on going up to philly and maybe some other places (like naj on the west coast0. i don't know; we'll see.

i had a breakdown yesterday after dance; crying, fetal position, asking 'why' over and over. the works. then i listened to oasis as i surfed the net. there are just too many things going wrong that i can't fix. i don't know the answer right now. it's hard for me not to know the answers, but i have to deal.

anyways, after working out, i'm going to try to go out to the malls again and look for shoes. i don't know how succesful i'll be this time. it's kind of pathetic that i don't have any shoes other than my exercise sneakers. i also need to find the pattern for the skirt that i need for african dance and a bra and some cowrie shells... i am so screwed for not working on this earlier...

ok. class beckons. peace for your day.

it's almost the end of the semester and i don't feel like doing anything. i don't know what i want to do with my life; graduate school or work... and if i choose graduate school, what will i do and where will i go? i just don't know right now. now is not a good time. i sit and type this as i stare at the book thrust into my hands: how to write a winning personal statement for graduate and professional schools. i'm starting to hyperventilate just thinking about it. god, i hate this school so much.

you know that new drug they have out now, clarinex? i actually did some work on that concept in high school @ NIH. so when you take your clarinex, think of me... but not when you're suing... think of the other scientists and pharmacudical companies instead... the ones with money...

discussion in about an hour and then african dance @ 7; i'm really just tired and want to sleep for the rest of the day. i just wish things weren't this way, but i guess they have to be.

peace for your day.

trying to do some physics homework; but reflecting more. looking at the sky moving, the sunset outside my kitchen window. thinking that there is something more to life than where i am right now.

just thinking.

eating: a cold orange

there's nothing more that i hate than rude ass people; and there seem to be alot of them at UMBC.

anyways, i didn't wake up late this morning; i woke up @ 7.30 and kind of lay in bed for 2 hours until around 8.50 when i realized that i had to go sign up for biochem lab @ 9. original and i went to the chem/biochem office. they're absolutely crazy; they want to know you're gpa and whatnot so they can determine if they will allow you to take the lab. PLEASE! i'm a biochem senior and i need to take the class to graduate; that's all you need to know.
just three more weeks before finals; already making summer plans: class, gym, work ... i see a very familiar pattern here...

i was going to mention how last week i have been harrassed by ugly, scary men, but that was last week. and if they do it again, i'll kick their asses. simple as that.

i really don't want to do work, but i should. so i will. peace for your evening.

i'm in a good mood today. it's friday (AMEN!) and i got some prayers answered (DOUBLE AMEN!). usually when i'm in a good mood, i'll say hi to pretty much about anybody. and that's exactly what i did; and i even met somebody new today. so even though this week wasn't as great, today is a good day (even though it feels like hell's kitchen outside).

now i must go and pack to go home. peace for your weekend.

yum. orange. last night, my friend and i, after african dance, went into the commons. for some reason they just leave the fruit out, so we shared an orange. today, i have a craving for oranges and subway (my veggie max awaits me).

we really worked in dance last night; my whole body aches. i didn't really like my workout today; i only did 40 minutes instead of my usual hour since there were so many people on the machines. hey, if i'm going to dance with barely any clothes on, i'm gonna prepare my body the best i can. i keep on bumping into things; my knees and elbows have bumps on them now.

it's dark and raining outside; warm, but dark and raining. i cleaned up my room. mom is going on a business trip til sunday. dad didn't pay my bill. i'm singing on saturday. i'm going to tell JK that i do have feelings for him. before i tell him, i'm going to change my mind again. i'm going to walk in the rain. my violin is under my bed out of tune. random, random, random day.

peace.

soundtrack: erykah badu: bag lady

damn. it's hot outside. just damn hot for no apparent reason. there is sweat on the back of my neck. eww.

i'm trying not let this JK thing bother me; i haven't seen him around and when i did, he didn't see me, thank god. i'm just not ready to confront him or this situation yet. other guys have been acting receptive today, despite the fact that unlike the rest of the girls around me, i did wear covering, protective clothes. blah. i'm talking about nothing. when i win my nobel prize and put it in my house with my five saabs, then i will be truly happy.

i saw my advisor today; i mean, what could he tell me. i'm almost done; 5 more courses left to go. he says that my gpa isn't that bad and that if i can get some more experience, that i should be able to get to grad school. i'm still not sure if i want to go right away even though my parents are pressuring me to. i understand that people once they stop school for awhile have a hard time coming back into it. i don't know. but then getting a job could help me get my masters.. so many things to think about. basically, my advisor said, "wanna go to grad school? prepare to work hard and be poor..." sike-a-boo.

when it's warm outside, you know the 'itis hits; don't want to do no work, don't want to go to no class, just want to chill and relax. i really want to skip african dance tonight (that woman never gives us a break) and do nothing tomorrow (even though i should study some organic or something), but i can't afford to just let it all slip now. i really want to do better in all my classes and i already see myself slipping.
ugh. want a good way to depress me? have an undergraduate research day. people presenting they're work while i linger. god, i wanna do some lab work so bad. i just don't wanna work at umbc... *whine whine whine* do you know what my advisor said to me? he said that i could go around the labs and beg for a job. oh. he so would enjoy me doing that, wouldn't he...

anyways. there is always stuff to do. peace for your day.

the day that i finally decide to drop out of choir, vicky winans gonna sing with them. sike-a-boo; i sure know how to pick em.

when JK came over, i just happened to be in crispy's room. they started talking music stuff and i didn't feel right being in there, so i went to my room and tried desperately to do something when all i could think of was: that ass.... but he came in later and we talked a bit; the air has been cleared. but there still some issues that we only grazed upon and i don't know how to bring them up again. i don't know if i ever will; i don't know how things are going to work out. it's hard for me to confront people with things in general.

when it comes to these things, i tend to be brash or despondent. and with other things (you know... IMPORTANT things), i tend to act childish. i'm just starting to notice how i act in certain situations. sometimes i wish i weren't so brash and loud for no apparent reason or apathetic or childish. how am i ever going to make it outside in the real world?

anywhos, i have orgo lab today. peace. (and why is it so damn hot outside? what happened to spring?)

(this is a random post; you have been warned.)

so it looks like tiger took the masters yet once again. i mean, i don't know what to say. i don't like watching golf all that much, but i'm mad that i didn't get to see tiger win, yet i would of been mad bored if i even tried to watch 5 minutes of the stuff. vicious circle.

guess what's coming back on cartoon network today? THUNDERCATS. my god, i thought i was going to cry when i heard that it was coming back; i love that show. hopefully i can get back from the gym in enough time to catch it. THUNDERCATS HO!

guess who's coming over to talk today? (so many questions chi...) well, JK isn't actually coming over to talk but to listen to crispy's CDs, but crispy hopes that somehow he'll remember that he needs to talk to me while he's there... like he could forget something *that* important. whatever. the bus can go down that road cos i already got off.

i'm chewing this gum that whitens your teeth; not really that anal about the color of my teeth (kid: MOTHER OF PEARL!), but i just wanted to give the gum a try. i'm trying to avoid the stares as i check the whiteness in the computer screen.
ok. class beckons. peace for your day.

soundtrack: norah jones: don't know why

i had a good study session as well as a good workout; in the infamous words of ice cube: today was a good day.

al says that i should just stick with ME instead of updating to XP; as soon as he said this, the blasted computer stopped acting funny. i actually got to defragment it today too. i don't know; we'll see.
spring is finally here; the trees are blooming outside my dorm window and the temperature is somewhat staying at a constant 70 degrees and above. the problem is, i don't have any spring/summer clothes. and i don't have any AC in my car (but the fact that it's a hotrod is all that matters; i can take you on mr. bmw).

norah jones is a good vocalist; she has a certain resonance and deepness to her voice even though she's very young. i wish i had a voice like that; mine is more strong and loud and less deep than i want it to be. oh. i decided (with alot of prayer) that i will not be in GC anymore. i love the people there and everything, but the spirit that used to be there when i sang is gone. there are some things that need to be worked out internally and unfortunately i cannot help. the sad thing is i never felt like i was a part of the choir in the first place. it's all good though; there are some other groups that i'm in, so my voice is still being used.

i got some tofu soaking that i need to go cook; peace for your evening.

just trying to get some work done today; back at school early this weekend. get some food and other things, study organic and some physics, exercise (maybe start running again..).

school is coming dramatically to a close in a couple more weeks and i'll still be here while my friends ventue forth in the world of graduate school or work. dad asked me for the nth time last night why i wasn't graduating this year... the biochemistry program is not a four year program or more like UMBC doesn't say how long it takes to finish a program, you just kind of do it. i'm just tired of explaining over and over again that i only have 17 credits left to take, but i have to spread them out through one year and how if you're not in a scholars program, the advising sucks beans (like when i started here). can somebody tell me what is so taboo about five years?

anyways, i gotta go and get stuff done. peace for your day.

man, talk about failure. geez. i got back my physics exam this morning; a D! i was upset because... well, let me not get into the specifics.. it doesn't matter though because my overall grade is a B... but that means that at some point in time between exam one (in which i had an overall grade of C) and exam two, i had an A. i have never gotten an A in a science course in my whole college no... academic career.... so close yet so far away. but no! it doesn't stop there! i got back my orgo lab midterm; 13/21... ewww... but curved it's a B and ONE POINT AWAY FROM AN A!! do you know how grating that is? and i know it's that bond stretch frequ.... ok, i said that ii wasn't going to get into specifics...

there is absolutely way too much drama going on; my god. JK was supposed to call sometime this week... it's been a week since my 'encounter' with him. i think i scared him away when i brushed him off last week. great going chi...i don't know where that 'relationship' is going. sike-a-boo. there are other triangles and squares and octagons that i must remove myself from before things get TOO ugly...

anyways, my computer keeps on crashing and then when i have to restart, it will either turn off on it's own or go to safe mode several times before i can start it in normal mode. does anyone know why? i know i haven't been able to run scandisk or defrag my computer cos it always says that something is running. i'm using windows ME. if you know why, please email me. i'm just ready to throw my laptop out the window.

i want to give shoutouts to my KFC crew (MC Biscuit still lives within all of you!), veen, ger, yvette, james, onye and marcus for always just keeping it real.

peace for your evening.

ARG! orgo lab! i'm glad that i don't have to write up actual reports, but writing the 'results and discussion' section always gets to me. i'm almost done. really. i just don't wanna do it.... *chi stomps like a small child*

anyways, yesterday, i got a whole lot of work done. i finished most of my labs and even did my physics homework (IT'S A MIRACLE!). all the free time came because i didn't go to the RAC cos i didn't have my red ID card, which i found (somebody was kind enough not to use any money on it) at food services (and i didn't have to pay $15). bless your heart.
there are these huge knots on my back; my back feels like a bed of rocks. it's stress.

so i open up the washington post magazine yesterday and i see this. please. spare me. hrabowski hasn't done anything for me; he doesn't even support the scholars program that i'm in. but i'm not worried cos they're spending our money well; the chess team goes around the country oops... i meant WORLD, recuiting chess players and inticing them with FULL ATHELETIC (damn, i can't spell!) SCHOLARSHIPS!! WTF?!

BLAH! i need to get back to work. peace for your day.

soundtrack: armand van helden: flowers

i am so glad that this week is finally over. it started off pretty well and then it all went to hell. i ended up getting really angry and stressed out. i need to talk to my physics group about why i was acting the way i was this week. i guess i didn't realize how nasty i could be, but then you know, shit needs to get done and i gotta do what i gotta do; when i gotta work or study, I DO IT! i don't play around... i have spent and wasted too much time and money at this honors institution to just do shitty work. i'm sorry that i got angry at you, but damn, if ain't gonna help me, don't talk to me, I'M BUSY!

blah. anyways, JK and i are going to talk next week. that whole thing... ahh... let me not even get into it; i need some time to sit and marinate on that. organic exam was today... what is ispropyl-2-methylpropanoate? is that an ester? why the hell was it 12 points... i know i did better than last time, but i don't know if i did good enough so i don't fail the class altogether.

anyways, it's all done. gonna hang around a bit and then go pick up my aunt and uncle at my cousins house. i'm hungry but i lost my red ID somwhere in the RAC yesterday; waaa! i don't have $15 (to get another one)!

peace for your weekend.

yesterday didn't end as well as i would have wanted it to; there is just too much stuff going on. i ended up upset with nobody around to talk to and was moping around my room when i found my old friend, ney's number. i called her up and we talked; the breath of fresh reasoning that i needed.

anyways, the presentation went ok; i was a bit intimidated because i had to go second, but in the end everything worked out ok. have the orgo exam and physics homework due tomorrow. sike-a-boo.

must go study now. peace.

soundtrack: stevie wonder: as

it went from being really hot in the morning to cold, windy and raining; and it's only 3 in the afternoon. when will the weather ever make up it's mind.

the physics exam today was a blower. i could of passed me thinks with a C, but then he just had to ask the question about capacitors (the only chapter that i didn't read during spring break). other than that, i think i did pretty good on it. now i have to do the homework due on friday, but not before i study for the orgo chem exam that i have the same day. my presentation for african dance is today; it took me about 5 hours to cook last night, but everything turned out pretty well (my presentation is on kenyan food).

after the distaster called physics exam #2, i was walking to orgo and i ran into all people r-butter. sike-a-boo; he said hello and asked how things were. i just found the whole encounter odd. after orgo, i ran into crispy who was walking into biological sciences to count plates for bio lab. ooooh, the memories. ugh. i need a internship so bad. i haven't updated my resume yet and i totally forgot about the job fair today (thanks physics). i don't know what i'm going to do, but i have to do something.

umbc's asa (african students association) is having a jambo nite this saturday. basically with jambo nite, the have food, dancing, food, a fashon show, food, presentations, and even more food. even though i am somewhat african (no really... i am...), i never go. one: the tickets are $10; i know they have alot to offer, but i just don't have money like that. two: i'm just not the party person. i really don't like large parties where i don't know anyone and avoid them at all costs. i enjoy small gatherings more. in no way because i'm 'not african enough' is the reason why i don't go to these functions; please. take your speculations elseware.

well. wow. that was a long entry. i have to go do some stuff. remember: drama still ensues. know that.

peace.

MARYLAND: WE'RE NUMBER JUAN!

despite the fact that maryland won (which i knew they would all along), that was the worst played game in the NCAA championship that i have ever seen! maryland's passing was horrible and i was upset that we even tied with indiana. and then what was baxter doing? i knew he looked kind of familiar; i went to high school with him. well. they won and that's all that matters. and davis was crying cos he lost... that was also enjoyable...

being april fools day, i couldn't help playing a prank on my brother, mom, T, ash and veen. i had to go home earlier today to get some physics notes that i had left last week. i knew timon (who's on spring break) wasn't expecting me home, so i made up a story that i got kicked out of school; he bought it. absolutely siked, i elaborated on the story, adding that i was kicked out because i punched a professor. awww. it was hilarious. i have to say i'm one damn good actor; got my friends at the brink of tears. april fools y'all.

now i have to go to sleep and study some physics tomorrow morning. peace.