sountrack: nbc4 news

i should be at the metro station right now, waiting for a train to go to southeast dc. but i'm here at home. chilling in socks. i feel bad because i called ash today and told her that i wasn't coming and then she just called me back and said that i didn't even have to pay for a ticket. she sounded very disappointed. i'm kind of disappointed in myself; i always do this. to somehow make it up to her, i need to cook some chappati. i'm a loser.

damn. i can't even make up my own mind. i just can't make any decisions (even what to eat for dinner tonight).

didn't go to the gym today. after class, Ti and i talked for about three hours about family and school. we ran into more people outside and we all talked and laughed (they laughed at the fact that i don't have any AC or gas in my car). Ti says that i should be a comedian. i know how to make people laugh and i like to make people laugh, but i just can't do the stand up comedy thing. i tried once a long time ago and jokes don't transfer well. maybe because they're spontaneous (an environment that i could create on the stage) but i like very small groups. there goes my career.

i done went and missed the (nba) draft yesterday. my man, juan (dixon; the only one that i care about anyways), went to the wizards. i don't know; i hope he'll pick up things and help the team out.

so. now i'm bored. amazing, i know. picking up mom from the metro and then taking timon to karate. whoodoggie. marcus, hope you're having fun in sf. maxing and relaxing. cool. i'm out. peace.

soundtrack: maxwell: no one

ash called my cell this afternoon and left a message:

i just wanted to remind you that i'm singing tomorrow in dc ... blah, blah, blah.... i have your ticket for you...

and just as i was thinking of an excuse to tell her why i wasn't going to come...

and you better not back out on me... get some money and directions. call me

i suppose i am the one that backs out of alot of events and activities. i always seem to find some decent excuse: my hair is a mess (it really is; my cornrows are shaggy), i have nothing nice to wear (nothing that i want to wear in public), but the real reason is just because i don't want to. didn't i mention this before? i will even surpass the fact that i promised that i would come. i suppose i should go then. i would have to call T... i haven't called him yet. however, one positive step in the right (?) direction: i withdrew money from savings (money i've saved from NIH, almost 4 years ago... i didn't mean for it to sit in my savings account... i wanted to invest it, but they way things are going now, i think i'll just get a little more and open a CAP account or something). $40 currently sits in my wallet, waiting to be used (cos i never let it sit for long...).

(OT: why does the crocodile hunter have a movie coming out? why did he make a movie when it's just a two hour (or even worse.. one hour) remake of his show on animal planet? and why, why, why is the child so damn excited all the time?)

ok. back to my excuses. it's going to be extremely hot tomorrow and chance of rain. so there.

randomness. T, singing this song (mentioned above), watching me, while speeding down I-95 south. me, glancing at the road anxiously and telling him that he can't sing. my triceps and upper back ache. probably from lack of exercise; i did some today though. dad is talking on the phone. he's planning something. i know it. and it's going to involve a party and me standing in the kitchen cooking.

enough. you would grow tired (if you haven't already) with massive amounts of random thoughts in my head. i'm off; timon is internet-deprived and must share the 56K wealth (which will soon turn to cable). peace.

soundtrack: scrubs-a-ton

out of summer vacation boredom, timon has reduced himself to sniffing pepper. after which, he proceeded to cough, sneeze, then say: tastes like pepper...

i haven't worked out in two days; it's not good to be this lazy. i really have no excuse other than the fact that it's been code red for the past two days; my car is a freakin' sauna. randomness. my room is somewhat neat now since i picked up most of the clothes from the floor. i still need to move some stuff around and paint and whatnot. ash is singing in dc this thursday. i told her that i was going to come, but i keep on changing my mind. i changed my mind again; i have to call ash and get a ticket and call T to help me navigate my way through dc. it's been awhile since i've been in the city or even taken a ride on the metro (i depend too much on my hunk-of-junk). i need to get out more. i said that already, didn't i?

looking at books on amazon (you know the ones i would order if i had any money... ok, i'm gonna stop...); will add on right. T was reading langston hughes and that got me into more authors; very interesting reads.

off i go. peace.

so tonight i went to timon's 8th grade graduation at my old high school. so many amusing things (old teachers, bad singers, and overachievers), so little time. i was living vicariously though this 8th grade graduation since mine was cancelled because of the food fight we planned. it was alright; we still went to adventure world...er... i mean... six flags america (also formerly know as wild world, if any of you remember..).

al is in trouble when he gets home; instead of coming to timon's graduation, he went out with his girlfriend instead. parents on the cell phones. timon on the main phone (talking to his girlfriend; saw her at the ceremony... very cute). and me on no phone. i need a job so i can get some money so i can buy some books and get out. i'm reading a book i've read more than 3 times (and i never do that) and the gas tank is empty. sike-a-boo.

i forgot to add to my shoutouts: congrats to yvette on her new car and congrats to tek jetting off to japan. i wish you all the best.

goodnight people.

soundtrack: star trek: the next generation and voyager (switching back and forth)

late yesterday afternoon, T called me and we talked for a 1/2 hour; we hadn't talked since the semester ended. he heard that i visited ash (who is staying on campus for the summer) last friday and wanted to know if i wanted to go up to baltimore, hang out and watch a movie after ash got off work @ 10.30. would mom actually let me leave the house at 10.30 in the evening to drive to baltimore and watch a movie with some friends? well, i guess it was time that i finally got out of the house.

picked up T at the nearby metro station, get some gas and got to baltimore around 11. rented ocean's eleven and let the guys (T and another friend of ours, G) drive the car. ocean's eleven was better than i thought it would be. ash fell asleep in the middle of the movie while T and i talked and watched for most of the night. woke up around 8 in the morning (no dreams this time); the morning conversation between the three of us was amusing and refreshing. we tried to fall back asleep multiple times and ended up making breakfast around 10. i don't have any money, thus i didn't have any food, so T made me some couscous. yum. went to the gym after that and then T and i left at 3. i was tired from the gym, so i let him drive. he dropped himself to the metro and i drove home.

all in all, i had a great time; thanks ash and T for getting me out the house.

giving out some shoutouts: marcus: congrats on your move; nick: hope the ride went well; ger: happy birthday and congrats for graduating. everybody else: keep it real.

soundtrack: ian pooley: sundowner

it's a gloomy morning; a gloomy friday morning.

last night, i had a dream that my family and i lived in this utopia city. tom hanks was this inventor that invented a new way to get rid of trash. but what he didn't know was that it was dangerous; that's what catherine moss was trying to tell him all along. it was weird. it was like real life in a movie format. i even had a cheesy line when tom asked me what i thought about his new invention: 'it's groovy, dr. hanks.'
don't ask me why i have these dreams, just know that i do.

groovy like gravy baby.

soundtrack: cousteau: last good day of the year

do you ever have a good day because you had a good laugh with friends? about absolutely nothing? after my calc exam, i ran into DN and KP, who are also taking classes up a at UMBC; they were waiting for Ti, our friend that's also in my class. DN and Ti like to laugh about nothing alot; and their laughter is infectious. we stood around for 20 minutes talking about nothing and just laughing. it made me feel better than how i have been feeling.

i can't write anymore right now.

this is the nth time that i started this entry since yesterday.

last night, mom inquired to why al was out so late on a 'school night' (hmm...) and when i told her that he was out with his friend (i don't want to call it a date and i don't want to call her his ex, which it all really was), mom wondered outloud why al seemed to go out so much more than i did these days. and i do suppose it's my own doing to why i don't get out of the house more often.
last friday, bible study started; with a group of people from school including bbq. i didn't go last week because i had relatives over, but now i'm seriously thinking about not going to any of them (even though i was directly invited). also, r-butter is having a graduation party this weekend and has invited the whole choir. i am defintely not going to that either.
these no-shows all stem from the same problem: i don't do well in large groups of people that i don't know. and i know what you're thinking... these are people that you know. first off, for the party, i'm not going because i know i won't feel welcome. forget the fact that i know whomever and that i'm (was) in choir, i just don't want to put myself in that situation. and i guess the general thing is, i just don't want to see any people from umbc. call it arrogance, apathy, incognitio, whatever; i don't know. i feel like i want to control the people that i want to see this summer and not have encounters with the ones that i don't. so right now, i'm pretty content with staying at home and hassling timon to get off the PS2 so i can get a turn. watch. this will all change by the middle of the summer.

i'm going to be frank and quite honest to all of you (one of the few times that i ever will be). i was in the gym when a thought, a conclusion, popped in my head: who doesn't want it all? i know i do; i want it all. the body, the money, the man, the car, the personality. i had a very hard time admiting that to myself, but i also had a very hard time accepting who i am, with all my flaws. i'm almost there. i also find myself to be quite cynical with people about things, often hidding how i truly feel, protecting myself. i's hard for me to complete trust people anymore after being burned by 'close friends'. i don't know; i didn't really think this all through yet. i'm kind of pushing it off.

anyways, that was chi's deep thought of the day week. i'm trying to break the bad habit; i called WBZ on tuesday night; he was transferring numbers and accidently called me and left the room (thus the strange background noise in the voicemail). he did mention that he did call me though and left another voicemail message apologizing (which i didn't get because i didn't bother to check...). we talked about summer plans and pharmie companies and producing drugs and whatnot; it was an interesting conversation.

i need a job; a temp one for about a month or something. i know nobody's going to hire me, but the money supply is running dry. and i guess i could use that as an excuse to why i don't go anywhere; i'm trying to stop myself from buying books and cds on the gold card (that's also why my developed film still sits in cvs, waiting to be picked up). i usually buy books that i wanted to read during the year at the end of spring semester, but because of lack of money, i haven't bought anything. i'm avoiding the malls altogether cos i know i'll just walk into a bookstore and it'll all be over. anyways. on the side, i added cds that i want to buy (and i hardly buy cds); will add books later at home.

sorry this entry didn't flow, or at least didn't flow as much as i wanted it to. i suppose i do write somewhat better in the morning that i do at night. whatever.

peace for your day.

i have a quiz this morning; nothing serious. after class, i'm going to go to the gym, for the first time since i stopped going right before finals. i wanted to start running by the beginning of summer, but i don't think i'm ready since i just up and stopped.

i'm starting to notice how i'm starting to forget alot of things. i think mostly because i just don't write things down like i did during the school year. i finally did call to get my loan defered though, but now i'm also remembering that i'm planning to take the GREs later in the summer and that i should be practicing. i also just remembered something that i just now forgot. yet, all the unimportant stuff (like the dream i had two days ago about this horror movie that takes place on this amish farm starring brendan fraiser... yes, brendan fraiser and that girl from smallville; it had no plot whatsoever and thing was, i didn't really watch tv that day either... i was doing homework) i do remember.... wait... i almost remembered... no, that's not the thing that i wanted to remember though (pick up developed film). watch it come back to me right in the middle of this quiz.

i also starting to notice i have the bad habit of not emailing or calling people back in good time; i always push it off for later. i don't really know exactly why, but i know i fear somthing (...i'm weird). pour example, WBZ called me last night. don't really know why and his voicemail message made absolutely no sense at all. i had just stepped out of my room and i could of easily called him back.... but i didn't and haven't called him back yet. maybe later, but i have a feeling that i'm going to push it off even more. why? no apparent reason other than a general fear.

i'm such a bad friend. don't be like me. anyway.

peace for your day.

you know that movie... spirit of the whatever... with the horses... i can't believe that they're comparing it with the lion king because it's different and let me tell you why. the lion king had animals with human characteristics while this spirit mess has humans and horses up in the movie. don't ask, but i just don't like horses... it reminds me of my cell bio professor...

so that game last night... i was going to have a heart attack.so, so, so close. did you see the look on webber's face? i just don't like the lakers. i don't like shaq and i don't like kobe. go nets!

this is my chill day. i have class tomorrow. got the hair braided; cornrows. watching tv. this was such a bad entry.

peace for your day.

my god. 106-108; overtime game seven. less than a minute to go. i can't watch.

it's only 10.00pm and my parents are already asleep. they're getting old. i would be asleep myself but i'm young. finished my homework. i feel good.

watching the hamptons on abc; hmm... enter the minds of the stereotypical rich person... the air is thick with arrogance...my god, that guy acts just like this guy that i knew in high school... changing to food network.. for some reason i've been watching the food network alot. and the style network too.

my car needs freon; it's like a sauna up in there, and it's only june. sike-a-boo.

new layout up. i hope it works