soundtrack: lauryn hill: just like water

i have a pchem exam tomorrow and for some reason i just can't seem to focus on studying. it's not that i don't know the stuff, but i need to go over the equations and know how to use them. i can't even write up a simple review sheet; i've been at it all day. i really need to get on the ball with this. *sigh* you see, this is what happens when you don't have school for a whole week; totally messed up my whole study ethic.

it finally came to the breaking point last friday. i called M and told her that i needed to talk to her face to face about stuff that was bothering me. i was very careful about my words, very positive. i didn't want to come out mean and harsh; i can't change her and she can't change for me, she can only change for herself, you know what i mean? it was good though. we talked for an hour. i let her know why i had been distancing myself. this whole situation was not one-sided; i made some poor choices on the way i handled things. but things are going to be better, so i'm happy about that. i don't have to go to class and worry about drama.

for some odd reason, people think i'm a player. i don't know where they're getting this idea from knowing that i have absolutely no game and no social skills to speak of. i don't have the player mentality. hahaha, if i only had some sort of game... crispy tries to give me some sort of explanation...

crispy: awwww... i'm not even sure myself... it's just your essence....
chiIQ: hahahahaha
chiIQ: my essence?
crispy: you know... like you can tell certain people are meant to be performers.......
crispy: and others are meant to be ministers.....
crispy: because of their essence....
crispy: you're meant to be a playa...
crispy: you just have to grab on to your destiny
chiIQ: BOO! whatever!

anyways. back to work. peace.