soundtrack: g. love and special sauce: this ain't living

ok. i'm back. i don't think i'm going to do anything today (like i ever do anything on sunday...). actually, i was going to go to my aunt's place for a surprise birthday party for twin cousins of mine. at first, i really wanted to go... i even tried to convince the brothers to come with me.. but then i realized that us cousins never talk to each other. the twins, To and F, don't really keep in contact with me. F and i get along fine (i guess because we're just similar people), while To, i still think, hates my guts. i really don't know why; he was the one that would constantly beat me up when we used to live in ny. maybe some of it is the age gap; about ten years apart. but i think it's something else. there's just no feeling of closeness or family. they're strangers.
it's almost the same with the baltimore cousins. it's sad because they were about 20 minutes away from school and they would never visit me. i used to call them, but they never called me back. i grew tired of calling and then they would complain that i would never call. the saddest thing is that we were really close when they used to live in kenya; you couldn't separate us. now that they have a taste of america, some are alcoholics, some have unexpected children... it's wild because they expect me to be just as wild as them. and it's sad because they think that; they really don't know who i am.

but i do have some good cousins; two sets of them. one of them goes to umbc now... we kind of faded off for awhile since our parents had some sort of tiff, but it's like we never stopped talking. it's great. the other set, sisters: one goes to cp and the other lives and works in ny. we won't talk for months, but put us in a room and we're talking like old times. it's kinda sad because they're my distant cousins and my direct cousins are the ones so far away...

ehh. i don't know why i'm talking about family today. one of my aunts (of baltimore cousins fame) came to visit this weekend. the parents just left to bmore to drop her back and 20 minutes later, here comes a baltimore cousin wondering what's going on. oh, that's crap. i'm avoiding the upstairs.

anyways. maybe i'll catch a movie today (dirtyprettythings?). hanging out with nic tomorrow. ooh, got a check from a couple from church this weekend when they found out that i graduated... how wild is that? i got some money to spend.

peace.

soundtrack: kanda bongo man: naloti

oh my gosh... this song! you don't understand... mom and dad would play this song when we used to take trips up to ny. timon and i would jam in the backseat, playing the air guitar and singing along (even though we had no idea what the man was singing about). it's like general african music for my parents; they have no idea what he's saying either. ooh, the memories. *chi dances in seat*

can't write right now; i'm in the mist of cleaning the house... it's like a weekly thing. will write later.

late five:

1. Are you going to school this year?
um... no. and the parents are trying to make me feel bad about it... as long as i'm bring in money, they can't complain....

2. If yes, where are you going (high school, college, etc.)? If no, when did you graduate?
graduated from university of maryland-baltimore co. ("we're HOT!") this spring with biochem and molecular biology. five years of blood, sweat, tears and crap... lots and lots of crap...

3. What are/were your favorite school subjects?
ha! um... in high school, i loved ap english cos it was so easy for me and i love to read (my teacher was cool too). mom thinks i should of done english, but then i know i would have grown to hate it. in college, my elective classes, immunology and e. genetics; interesting stuff.

4. What are/were your least favorite school subjects?
math, math and again i say math. i am not a math person, so i was constantly struggling with it. i was always close to or failing a math course. i figured to learn all the tricks that i needed to know for running experiments and i'm good (you know, M1V1=M2V2 and all that...). still trying to figure out why i'm so bad..

5. Have you ever had a favorite teacher? Why was he/she a favorite?
in high school, my favorite teachers were mrs. b, who taught ap english (and still does). she was hilarious and always gave me feedback. also another favorite was mrs. w, who i had for ap chemistry. that class was a bit difficult for me (all the math!), but she taught class with this laid back atmosphere, we didn't realize we were working. also, she introduced me to n.ih.
in college, mrs. t... i love that woman! she taught me precal and calc 2. she knew i was bad and through hard work and her motivation, she showed me that math doesn't have to be my vice (i still hate the subject though...). honorable mention goes to dr. f of e. genetics. he was funny and he never made me feel stupid... that's the key...

ok. i'll be back. peace.

soundtrack: pharrell: frontin'

i was going to write yesterday, but due to severe storms, the power went out.

yesterday was strange. it started with a water main break on 355, so everybody in the lab left early to beat the traffic. i left around 4.30. so i'm walking towards the parking garage and i walk in front of this guy, toward the stairs. i start a light jog up the three flights when i hear the guy say behind me, "man, you're just too fast for me." i turn around, half amused and half annoyed that this guy has the audacity to talk to me. so i decide to amuse him and hear him out. we talk for a bit. his name is ro, he's 25, goes to grad school @ maryland while working... and he's kinda cute too. (if the brother can cook too?... it's a done deal!) but anyways, no numbers or emails were exchanged; just hoping we'll see each other again sometime... which is good cos i don't need any more stalkers. you see, he almost makes up for all the bad experiences that i've had here so far. almost. but it's good meeting somebody my age. everybody in my department are older, with families and children, and i couldn't be the complete opposite. it's hard to relate, but we're all trying.

the boys in this house are killing me. it's like al has never touched a pot or something; he's off the whole week and who ends up cooking dinner... me! in my work clothes! i don't even get to put my stuff down.. how ghetto is that?! yesterday, i come home, after traffic and with no power, and find the boys sleeping and end up whipping something together. there's just something not right with this picture... mom and i are revolting. after dinner, i just passed out and slept.

so i checked my email right before i leave work today and i get this totally random email from M (gah!) and she's asking me how it goes and how her job goes (you see, she only asks me about work if she can add something about herself in there...) and she's talking about hanging out with the other half of the biochem crew (the other half that broke away) sometime and my face is making all these contortions cos i can just see how that would all take place... and i'm truly not feeling it at all. it's not like hanging out with D, nic and the boy. it's like hanging out with strangers. ehh... i'll email her back, but i'm not promising anything. i know i was gonna be better and i know i was gonna try, but i really don't want that vibe that i'm getting from her right now.

shoutout to all my peeps that started classes today; make it a productive semester.

peace.

soundtrack: zero 7: spinning

today was a good beginning to the work week; everybody left before 4pm. actually, i was the only one left in the lab, reading papers (cos i can't study when i'm at home). it felt like friday, which is better than feeling like monday, right? i ran my experiment for the third time today and it actually worked. have alot of appointments and classes this week, so i won't be so bored this week. and then labor day; i have never been so excited to get government days off. guess when i get paid? after labor day! after the sales! gah!
today, i spent time looking at graduate programs i would be interested in. looking at the requirements, i just started to get depressed and whatnot. what if i don't get in to any? col.umbia, co.rnell, gw, geor.getown... what if i'm too stupid? what if i'm not good enough? it's very disheartening, but i'm trying to keep the faith. nobody ever said it would be easy. *sigh*

yesterday, PH, an old friend of al and i whom we used to live next to, dropped by. mom went to a shower last minute and told me (she didn't ask) to cook dinner. i wasn't trying to touch the fish that she was planning on cooking, so i just cooked couscous and pseudo steaks for the vegetarians. PH just happens to be vegetarian too. so much to my suprise and delight, he gushed over the fact that the meal was so good. i never get compliments for my cooking, usually complaints of 'too salty' or 'not salty enough' from the brothers. i tell you, PH did not stop; he even told dad and mom that i was a wonderful chef. after PH left, mom commented on the fact that i didn't cook the fish (but i don't think she really minded cos i didn't know how she wanted to cook it) and asked what if my husband was a meat eater. i told her that my man better cook and if wants his meat that bad, he'll know how to cook it himself. to which, dad, overhearing our conversation commented that i would have to look 'really hard for a guy like that'. oh please! what's that supposed to mean? there are alot of guys that i know that can cook and can cook well. just because he can't... ugh! anyways... sometimes dad says things that just don't make any sense... i just don't understand. today, i came back from the gym around 7.30 and al's old roommate (who happens to live in our neighborhood and also enjoys my cooking, if i may add..) was visiting. so i'm chillin' and talking with the two in the kitchen. leftovers, taken out by al, were out for dinner's consumption but somehow the guys hadn't eaten yet. mom came down, drowsy because she's sick, and starts warming the food and whatnot. and then dad says to me, "are you just gonna stand there or are you gonna help her?" excuse me?! first of all, al, timon and dad have been home all day while mom, who's sick, and i, went to work. i just come back from the gym and you want me to cook?! what about your sons?! please! oh please! he's lucky i didn't blow... i love dad, i really do, but it's the 21st century and he needs to come out of his hole and look around. double gah!

anyway. naj came to md this weekend, but she forgot to call me again. that girl needs a planner or something... but there is no bitterness here. i wish i could of done something this weekend (even the brothers went out without me), but i guess it's better that i didn't (no $$). i slept for several hours instead.
in other news, everybody moved back in to umbc today. i might go up monday and visit people or just hang out with nic, if she doesn't drive down here.

ok. that's it. show's over. goodnight. peace.

soundtrack: dwele: truth

today was a good day today. my boss came in yesterday; she's just amazing.. words can't even express... i can actually talk to her, you know what i mean and she can understand me. she's awsome. ok... let me stop gushing. today was good even though i didn't do anything except observe the post doc that i'm working with. tomorrow, after observing, i get to run an experiment of my own. my hands are itching.
the security guard.. this dude is out of control. as i was leaving today, he asked how long i was going to be working there and then he said, "when i get the courage, i'm going to tell you something..." i hope it's not his undying love for me... ugh! i'm sorry, but the brothers on this campus are horrible. i was hit on yesterday when i was walking to get my lab keys. these brothers are looking for something young to hump on... well, this sista is not the one!! do not hump me!

ok, i'm done being ghetto. feeling inspired by some online friends of mine (yes you yvette and ger, yeah, you too), i dragged myself back to the gym today. i been on a plateau for months now, so i changed up the workout; i had a really good workout today. going to a different gym had something to do with it; it's bigger and gives me a great sense of anonymity. yes, i'm avoiding LS, but that's not the only reason. i can't even begin to express the ghettoness of that gym. anyways, i'm going to try to keep at it this time (no nic on my back) and hopefully get some results.
so i hop back into the car and turn on my cell and it starts ringing and vibrating and whatnot. and it told me that today is alisson's birthday. if it is, happy birthday girl! if it's not... happy birthday anyways... it's all good!

(it is now that i'm beginning to wonder why i'm puncuating most of my sentences with exclamation marks... i have waaay too much energy...)

jam called me yesterday and i made him tell me about the housewarming. talking with crispy today, she wondered why i wasn't there... umm... NOBODY TOLD ME! but i'm thinking that i should probably stop being bitter about it cos it's making me look childish, and i'm bigger than that. rich, mac (n' cheese), original, crispy... you are forgiven. i love you guys too much to be bitter.
naj emailed me on monday; she forgot about me! but for some reason, she's coming back down to md this weekend (again!) and we might do something. for some reason all the other high school friends thought i moved up to philly. ha. i wish. i'm still here in md.

anyways, my head has been in the clouds lately... like high up in the clouds and far, far away from here. and i don't know if i want to come back even though my heart aches... *sigh*

ok, i'm gone. peace.

soundtrack: oasis: stand by me

ahh. just came back from bennigans with a group of us from church... i can't even begin to descibe the ghettoness. the waiter held hands with us as we said grace over the food... that was kinda surreal.
anyways... i haven't really much been blogging this week cos by the time i get home from the lab, i'm mad tired and i can't stare at the screen for more than 30 minutes before getting a horrendous headache. i've been having this headache all week; i might get it checked out.

so tuesday, nic picked me up around six and we drove up to columbia to buy tickets for the movies before dinner. we ended up driving in circles for an hour, talking about, of all people, M. i really don't want to get into it, so i won't. we decided that we would just go to olive garden and wait an hour for the boy and D to arrive. as we got out of the car, the boy stepped out of his brand new subaru forester (WTF?! again i ask...can i get a suv for graduating?!). we chatted in the lobby waiting for D, who we should of known would be late to the outing that he planned himself. dinner was hilarious; our waiter was so nervous at the end he shook the boy's hand and thanked him for coming out. waited another 45 minutes for D to arrive, chillin' in the boy's suv. you know, i just had to press all the buttons. finally D arrived in his new jeep and we were on our way to the movies. we saw bad boys II; great action and overall funny movie. will s.mith and martin lawer. characters reminded nic and i of the boy and D (respectively). after the movie, it was late. the movie didn't start until after 10 and you know how long that movie is... we didn't get out until one. and then of course since everybody else didn't have work that morning, they were just hanging around talking and whatnot and i was screaming that i had to get home, another 30 minutes away. we laughed, we dissed each other, we made plans to visit each other soon, we exchanged emails, we group hugged. and then we left. i didn't get home until 3am (all that talking...) and when i woke up 4 hours later, i felt a pang in my heart. i'm gonna miss my boys; they really know how to make a girl feel special. nic, i won't miss cos i'll see her all the damn time at college park. those are my doggs.

work is work. actually, i haven't done anything yet to constitue work yet; i think the postdocs are scared that i don't know anything, so they won't let me touch anything. i spent most of my time trying to get my paperwork done and reading journal articles and old data (which made no sense). i'm an observer, so if i wasn't fooling around on the comp (G4 babay!), i was looking around. the summer students didn't think i would catch them at it. we had two; a girl and a guy, both still in the early years of college. talk about pda's... actually it was kinda cute; meeting someone that you work with day in and day out for three months. like the ladies at the insurance office the other day told me: "you'll meet someone at nih.." ha! i hope not.
remember that front desk guard? when i started on monday, i completely forgot about the dude since he wasn't even there. i think he was on vacation or something, cos on thursday he came back and he was more than overjoyed to see me. ugh! how could i tell? by the way he was rubbing my hand... *chi shudders* if there was another way to get into that building... man! anyways... i'm not feeling that at all.

jam is still in town for another week. talking to him on thursday, it came up that rich got a new house and was having a housewarming party tomorrow evening. i don't know if i was mad because i wasn't invited or that jam was inviting me to go. somehow i always seem to get left out of these things or i'm always the last one to know (like the fact that original and rich got engaged... i was told from someone else.. almost in passing...). jam and i just ended up arguing and i just signed off, i didn't want to hear it. and then he must of talked to original or something (which i didn't really appreciate, despite the good meaning behind it), cos the next thing i know, timon is telling me i have an IM message from last night and i'm magically invited by original. i'm magically remembered. friday, jam and i got into another argument; i didn't expect him to understand why i was so angry... or more disappointed. i'm tired of being an afterthought, ya know? i called original back after work and told her i wasn't going to make in anyways... that evening i took timon to karate.

as for naj.. i don't know what happened. if she was in town, she never called me and let me know what was going on. she needs to get back in touch with me.
man, that dessert that i ate is going to keep me up all night... including the soda? i was trying to get some extra sleep this weekend...

peace.

stand by me
nobody knows,
the way it's gonna be.
nobody knows.
God only knows,
the way it's gonna be.

soundtrack: db boulevard: point of view

i have a pulsing headache mostly due to the fact that i was caught out in the pouring rain today and dried under very cold ac vents, but also due to the sourness of mom's mood, which is right now, irking the hell out of me.

other than that, i had a good first day at the lab. i left my licence at home and they wouldn't let me on campus, so i had to drive all the way back to get it. not like it would of mattered because by the time i got there (i got extremely lost in the building and i got this really nice doctor to help me out), it seemed that everybody had just arrived. one of the things i'm going to like about working here: you can show up whenever the hell you want and leave whenever the hell you want. it's great. i almost forgot that we even had summer students until the showed up around noon... NOON! they were really nice and told me about the working environment (lax) and how stuff is organized. unfortunately, they're leaving in a week; they're good kids (they're practically my age... what am i talking about?!) i did all most of my administrative stuff today. i got caught in the rain walking across campus to get my ID. haven't gotten keys, a parking pass (forgot registration) or email access. at least i have something to do tomorrow. i really just wanted to jump right on in, run some experiments already... "things will be slow for the first couple of days," one of the s. students told me.
even though the s. students were telling me to leave, i felt like 2pm was just a little too early. it was then when i realized that i'm not a summer student; there is nobody here making my agenda except me. still... i read (or at least tried to) papers until 4, when i started to feel ill from getting soaked.
oh. and i don't get paid til september. yay?

nic called me on saturday: dinner and a movie with the boys? but of course. D promised that he will be gracing us with his presence, along with the presence of his brand new suv that his parents got for him for.. you know... graduating. i mean... can i get a car for graduating from umbc?! please?! anyway, the date is set for tomorrow evening.

i'm still trying to figure out how i'm gonna get there now that dad has just informed me that exaust (did i spell that right?) pipe is ready to fall off my car. i don't know why he didn't even bother to look at it while i was sitting her at home bored out my mind and then on my first day decide that he should look at it (i drove al's car to work today). bascially, the problem has gotten worse due to (dad's) neglect. blah.

my head is pounding now. i think i'm starting to get sick and i'm not feeling that at all. tired from running trying not to get wet. i need to do some biochemistry and molecular biology review; brush up on my stuff so i don't look like a fool... and then i think i'm gonna call it a night.

peace.

soundtrack: talking heads: once in a lifetime

shoutouts first: congrats to nic for getting into the only grad program you applied for and waiting the whole summer to see if you got in, only to recieve an email telling you to come to orientation next week. shoutouts to the biochem and kfc crews, to marcus, alisson, ger, jeremy, yvette, tekla. shoutout to veen... hold nih down for me! to crispy... that's my girl! shout out to OG... i'm high off life dogg! i likey the wiskey!


friday five second:

1. What's the last place you traveled to, outside your own home state/country?

umm... wow. you know, now that i think about it, i haven't traveled post 9/11... the last place i've been is kenya for christmas 2001.

2. What's the most bizarre/unusual thing that's ever happened to you while traveling?

i know i mentioned this already... but i'll say it again:
my last trip to kenya. we went to go visit mom's parents (who are in the middle of nowhere) and when we were driving back to dad's parents farm (which is also in the middle of nowhere), the car broke down (in the middle of nowhere! a rock had puncured the oil line and we had no oil left). so after 4 hours (at which point mom left us in the middle of nowhere where cars were not very frequent, to see if she could *find* a payphone to call somebody) finally some military passed and gave us a ride. after 5 more hours, we got back to the village (which is like 2-3 hours away from the farm), with no transportation to get back... uncle, who we met at the village finds this guy with this ghetto truck (steel cage over the back) and he's going that way. timon and i (al was still in the us taking finals) hopped in the back, along with mom, who didn't want to leave us in the back all alone (apparently, uncle didn't care) and we were on our way. after about 1/2 hour running on dirt roads (mind you, it's PITCH BLACK, with wolves, lions and all sorts), the truck dies. and i'm thinking: I DID NOT JUST COME FROM THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE WHERE I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE TO LESS THAN AN HOUR AWAY FROM HOME TO DIE AGAIN!! the driver chuckles and he pours something in the engine. he tries the truck and it starts. when we get to the farm, we realize that the man's truck had no gas tank (please don't ask... i'm still trying to figure it all out myself...) and apparently he was pouring gas into the engine to make it go. BOOO!
also, to add upon the fact that i almost died in the kenya savanna, dad would leave us stranded on the farm with no car, so we would spend days on the farm bored out of our minds...

3. If you could take off to anywhere, money and time being no object, where would you go?

i don't know. i don't really have a particular place.

4. Do you prefer traveling by plane, train or car?

i don't mind planes, but they make me queasy. same for cars. i need to go somewhere on a train first, but i'm prefering that.

5. What's the next place on your list to visit?

i'm thinking philly


peace.

soundtrack: jazzanova: wasted time; bjork: sun in my mouth

so i'm in the public library earlier this evening, helping mom find these books when this woman stops me, "chi?" she looks familiar, but i don't remember her name; from high school. we talk awkwardly because i don't remember her name. she's married and has two kids. geez. i'm the complete opposite: single, living at home. she even asked me if i was still single, in a laughing sort of sad manner. what's there to be sad about?

then i'm talking to mom in the car as we're driving to the bookstore. we're arguing because i'm single. and she asks me if i'm gay. and i laugh. "i want grandchildren chi!" she's berating me. isn't that what the brothers are for? "they want to get married and you don't!" she adds. i laugh again and state at this particular point in time i have no desire to be in a relationship or to get married.

"nobody wants to be alone!"
"soon it's going to be too late!"
"everybody needs somebody!"

all i can do is laugh. i can't say that i'm completely content (who is), but i'm fine. i'm okay. i'm not thinking family and kids now. i don't know if i ever will. now just leave me alone.

anyways, my last week of freedom has been reduced to extra hours in bed, playing mind-numbing online games and running errands. it would of been nice if i went somewhere. the boss is off next week and i need to get ID and a parking pass and insurance. reading over the email that i recieved from her today, she tells me to come in around 10... 10am! i love science! this is the absolutely best part for me (just come back when my experiments aren't working for no apparent reason and i have to log in 13 hour days... see if i love science then...)

i have issues that i need to get over. issues that are small now but could seriously get out of control. yes. will handle. lots of people coming in for the weekend. jam and naj, whom i have never seen so excited to come all the way back here. i don't know what she and i are going to do this weekend, but we are going to do something.

have good weekends. peace.

soundtrack: bob marley: kaya (dub version)

significantly better day today. today was al's day off, so i went with him to go get his car serviced and to pick up some books at college park. "i just wanted to get you out of the house," he said. aww... thanks bro. we came back and started on dinner early (and that is why i'm not cooking right now), which is a good thing since we have early rehersal today.

yesterday i finally got my conformation letter from nih; i start in a week. i'm excited. the stipend is good; increased due to experience. yay. also yesterday, T called and we talked (finally) for 1/2 hour, just catching up:

"you gonna start working?" he said.
"yeah"
"you gonna save up your money?"
(laughing) "yeah.."
"you gonna save enough and open an IRA?"
"yes dad!"

he even reminded me of my saab dream. it's not like i gave up on the dream... just trying to be realistic about it. i don't know... saab or motorcycle... debating. we talked about other things: him transferring to college park and the biasness of umbc professors and graduation. i didn't really ask him why he didn't come if he knew i was graduating. i didn't ask him about ash either; i have no idea where she is and i don't think he does either.
i did tell him about LS and he started telling me this weird stuff that he (LS) did during senior year (apparently i wasn't around cos of internship obligations). "you're just the church girl he's looking for," T commented. i shuddered. people, trust your instincts... they never fail you. hopefully T and i can do something soon; he's an absolute comfort to me. as for LS, maybe i'll invite him to church...

ok. i'm gone. have a good weekend everyone.

peace.