soundtrack: the killingtons: crawl space

it just turned winter over here... i mean.. dang! it was cold this morning. what happened to fall?

anyways. work was ok today. we had this thing after work; got to meet other fellows that work there, which was cool. definite characters up in here, let me tell you. along with mic and JM, i also conversed with jam-lookalike (sorry jam, that's gonna be his name for now on... he looks so much like you...) who decided to give me the time of day, and this new girl that's working down the hall from him. everybody's trying to get all chummy, exchanging emails and numbers... trying to catch a date (only few are worthy... a select few...)... i just want to go somewhere and hang out... i'm dying in my house of boredom.
met one of the former fellows, who came to talk to us about how their lives have dramatically changed because of this wonderful program and we should all be grateful... blah, blah, blah... we know already! A is currently a medical student at HU and a heavy socialite... which i don't know how he does it... he really gave all of us some useful info... especially on HU homecoming... don't know if i'm going to go that... but it's good to network.

when i called T, he was riding his bike home from work on the mean streets of dc. i didn't want a homicide on my hands, but T claimed that he could indeed do both at the same time. so we talked. about LS mostly and just what we've been up to. i think it was this week, mic asked me about the relationship between T and i. he knows how i feel about him, but he hasn't done anything about it, good or bad. so we're just in this limbo, which would normally drive me mad by now... but by not caring, i am able to enjoy being in his presence. despite his apparent irresolution, i know he still cares... he shows me that he does. we made plans to watch a movie soon... "goodnight", he calls me by my pet name. he makes me smile.

tired. tired cause sleep. sleep good. goodnight.

peace.

soundtrack: coldplay: the scientist

i must have spent 300 minutes on my cell this weekend alone. mostly catching up with people i haven't talked to in awhile. of course, the more people you talk to, the more information one gets... good and bad. he never got married and he won't anytime soon. that's just opened doors that need not to be opened. my friend got shot in the head; his funeral was this past thursday.

so LS came to church this weekend and in short i dissed him. badly. and mom berated me for it; "why are you ruining your chances?" she screamed... in church. i was gonna write this whole long thing about whatever's wrong with me, but i think mic simplified it for me: he doesn't know me. i don't know him. we need to get to know each other. we need to be friends. thus, i need to think of him as a friend and nothing more. easier said than done; i don't know what he's thinking... he emailed me sunday inviting me to church again. *sigh*

anyways. on the phone with T. whee!

peace.

soundtrack: thievery corporation: so com voce

what i miss right now: yelling to nic through paper thin walls to change it to cbs...

me: the rock's on letterman...
nic: (yelling) balls hot!
me: (yelling) tasty hot baby!
*both of us giggling like the girls we are*

and then the next day we would go down to the store and buy GQ with the rock on the cover. just like the last time we bought the mag with vin di.esel on the cover.

those were the good old days. *sigh*

anyway. my project is taking a turn towards somewhere else; the beginning of the end starts tomorrow. it's thursday, i have to keep on reminding myself.
need to call T... need to go to sleep.

peace.

soundtrack: nina simone: where can i go without you?

by the time i came home, cable came back. updated the right. new links: some people i started to read and others i've been reading for awhile. fall colors too.

tired. i'm sleep.

peace.

soundtrack: coldplay: god put a smile upon your face

i should be looking over my experiment that i'm doing today. or maybe even studying for the GREs that i'm taking in a month or so. i shouldn't be blogging. but i tried waiting for cable/hi-speed i-net to come back, but it's taking forever and a day. so here i am on this macintosh, wishing i had a pc, typing this entry. anyways... my stuff is incubating...

when i said for bella to bring the rain, i didn't tell her to bring the wind. and that was what, eventually, cut off power for four days. it seems that our neighborhood in particular is always the first to go with the start of light drizzle. it was ghetto. i was charging my phone and laptop (which mysteriously, after you start up 5 times in a row, works with no problems..) at church. by the time we threw out our food, the power came back on. thanks pe.pco.
did get friday off from work though, but without power, all i did was sleep. i strained my vocal cords on wednesday and after three days of not even singing in the shower, i sang with the group on saturday night. also came in friday to the lab to try to save my experiment, but it went bad from the start, i suppose. that's what i'm repeating today. came back to work on monday (with no traffic on the roads... it was kinda freaky... twilight zone freaky...) and nobody was here. seems that everybody was at this grant review board. the boss did well; we still have funding. today is day two of the review, so alot of people aren't here. mic's lab is being reviewed today, so she's out with them. so it looks like i'm going to this seminar series by myself... *sigh*. i don't want to go, but it's too interesting not to go...
talking about driving, the commute today was horrible. after the hurricane, there is just debris everywhere that nobody is cleaning up. and then it started to rain, like an-inch-under-half-an-hour rain, and it was flash flooding this morning. compared to the 12 minutes it took for me to get to work yesterday, it took me an hour today (that's how bad dc metro traffic has become). almost got into an accident and was stuck at a light for nearly 10 minutes. gah! things are far from normal.

so somehow i got this brilliant idea to invite LS to these meetings that we're having at church. i was expecting him to be too busy or out of town or something... but noooo, he's excited and he can't wait to come... *chi presses lips together pensively* i brought this upon myself...

anyways. i should go and be proactive. do something productive. yeah right.

peace.

soundtrack: bebel gilberto: samba da bencao

it's been a long time... and the only reason why i'm on the i-net is because of this hurricane. but a day off work is nice, even though my cells will be dead by the time i come back. oh well. daytime talk shows are getting too weird. i need some movies...

work is work, what can i say. the high points in my day is when i interact with people not in lab. Mic, the other fellow that started down the hall at the beginning of the month, and i have been hanging out. it's cool; sometimes i get so wrapped up in my experiments or analyzing data on my comp (which happens to be a mac... what is up with molecular biologists and macs? i don't understand...) i'll forget that it's a nice day outside. yesterday, she came to get me and we walked over to the clinical center to meet a friend of hers that graduated from the same school, JM. yesterday was a beautiful day; "you have to get out and walk around," mic was telling me, "cause when it gets cold, you're gonna be stuck in that lab anyways..."
i think the reason why Mic and i hit it off so nicely is all about character. last week, we went to the fellowship lecture series sponsored by the fellowship program that we're in. we had the opportunity to meet the other fellows working around campus. after the lecture, Mic and i sat around while she ate (why wasn't i eating? more about that later...) when the guy that heads the fellowship committee (who just happens to be a fellow himself) came up and started talking to us Mic (it was like i wasn't even there... why are dudes like that?). "so you went to [enter prestigious ivy league school name here]?" he asks her. i didn't even notice that she was wearing her alma matter sweatshirt. she says yes and they have a small convo. the guy rants and raves about this school and that, and she nods to be nice. to her it's no big deal; "we all went to college", she says, "we're all here." i have respect for her for that. as for that particular fellow, he reminds me of a shorter version of jam. it was so weird, i couldn't help but stare.
most of the fellows here are planning for medical school, while, it seems, i'm the only one looking at graduate school. "that's courageous of you," JM's coworker, who is currently doing his residency, said to me. i just know that medical school is not for me; i would go crazy first. i was talking to JK (yes, JK...) one evening; we were just catching up. he asked me about medical school and i said no. i asked him about medical school and he said that he has no passion. i was surprised. he did so well at umbc... where did all the passion go, i wanted to ask him. but i didn't.

the security guard better watch it before i file some sort of sexual harassment whatever on him. gah! "you know i want you," he said to me as the elevator door was closing the other day. oh. no. i thought i left all the stalkers behind at umbc... *sigh*

anyways, i've been singing close to 5 nights a week since the beginning of the month. i can feel my voice going; i'm the only alto. honestly, i have no time to rest. i know i'm gonna crash soon... but i just keep on going until i do.

i'm trying to be good and keep in touch with people, especially my biochem crew. nic and i talk often, at least once a week. D called me this weekend; it was really good to hear from him. he was telling about upitt and i told him about work. i joked with nic that now we have become 'D's ladies', women he talks to when he's studying or eating or whatever... usually will randomly call in the middle of study groups. now, we're one of them now.
talked to the boy yesterday. he's stressed, he hates school. i give him words to encourage him and he thanks me. that's what we do; we encourage each other.

i don't know if it's because i'm busy or because i'm stressed or because i'm tired, but i'm having a really hard time eating. i wake up in the morning nauseated and i have to force myself to eat breakfast, cos i know i'll need it. i pack lunch but i don't eat it until i leave work, mostly because i know i'll be singing and i need something, which is usually a sandwich. and i get back so late that i don't eat dinner. i haven't crashed yet, per se; i'm not excessively tired... but i'm still running on empty. i suppose i should get it checked out, but i know it's more mental than physical.
JM said he saw me walking on campus the other day and he tried to get my attention, but i was out of it. i let myself laspe into these worlds sometimes; i totally close the world off to me. it's just this weird thing i do.

anyway. it's getting darker; this hurricane is coming soon. bring the rain, bella, bring the rain.
need to email some people back, since i have the time today to actually sit and think about what i'm writing. maybe write a little bit more of my story. maybe update stuff on the right today. maybe.

peace.

soundtrack: nfl season opener: redskins vs. jets; 13-10; 4.19 in the 3rd

work was much better today. i did a plasmid isolation (which i do know how to do) and think because i spent 30 minutes looking around for reagents instead of asking the post doc, she could actually deal with me today. now, let's just hope i get some dna tomorrow.
right before i was about to leave, one of the people from the lab across the hall came in to introduce herself along with her new fellow working in the lab. i was so excited, i almost fell over myself. a young person like me; my prayers have been answered. hopefully we can hang out and have lunch or something. i know they're young(er) people around; unfortunately, i have to go and search for them.

news fresh off the wire... r-butta is gonna get married... yeah you heard me right crispy. the two deserve each other, is all i'm going to say. sorry for the randomness. that was fresh; had to put it out there.

anyways, maybe some weekend, if not this weekend, gonna brush up the right hand column. i end up just cutting and pasting. more people to add to my list, some people to add back. it's a work in progress.

ok. my sinsues are blowin' up. time for the blue pills.

peace.

soundtrack: thievery corporation: the foundation

i wrote an entry yesterday, but then the computer started acting all funny. anyways, work was shit today. it really was. i messed up really bad. and it's that time of month, so i'm all hypersensitive and close to tears and 'why me?'. and i'm about to go home and i tell dr. w about my errors and mistakes. and she nods understanding; i wasn't expecting that. she gives me some advice and before i leave, i make my adjustments. i left lab feeling better about myself. and i really appreciate her for that.
me thinks the postdoc i work under doesn't like me very much. i think she thinks i'm stupid and i have no idea what i'm doing. but i think i'm done with the training part and moving into helping the postdoc for a month or so before i get a project of my own. it seems slow, but slow is good.

i narrowed down (somewhat) my list of grad schools. i added HU, but promtly crossed it out; my uncle got his PhD in bio from there because he switched out of the biochem department. it's always good to know info from the inside. i don't know if i want to do immunology or molecular biology. for what i want to do.. that's immunology... for what i like to do... that's molecular biology.

i talked to M today. 'i'm jealous of you,' she told me about my job. really? i know she's really trying her and i suppose i should make some sort of effort. i don't want to turn into the people that i hate.

anyways, i got paid yesterday (i am poor no more!). wanted to let the money chill and settle before i started to spend it... but i couldn't wait. i went to tar.get after work. realizing that i'm only getting paid monthly and not biweekly, i limited the spending.

this month is gonna be busy with rehersals and meetings and performances and such. i don't think i'll be on the computer so much, which naturally means more sleep. i've been having trouble sleeping and my sinsuses (is that how you spell it?) have been acting up for the past week, so i'm taking the nice blue pills that help me sleep. time to take those pills now.

goodnight. peace.