soundtrak: k-os: the love song

so the cold has come and gone. i'm left with chronic sinus pain and an aching ear. yes folks, that time of the year has fallen upon us. for the next 7 months, i will be complaining about my sinuses. i know what you're thinking: why don't i just go to a doctor already? cos they don't know jack. when i go to the doctor's, i tell them what i got, the give me pills and everybody's happy. but nooooo! they think it might be this or it might be that and they give me pills that don't do anything except make me sleepy. i know it's not chronic (the sinuses) to the point where i need surgery or anything (apparently, that's the last resort), but i mean, i suffer, i really do.

anyways, enough about my suffering. Y emailed me this weekend. he's coming to visit on columbus day; too bad that's a day before my first exam. he's moving back to the md in december, 'job or no job'. i don't really know what's compelling him to make the move back down here since he's expressed how much he hates this state (OT: apparently, alot of people hate maryland. be it the traffic, the jacked up dmv fees or just the fact that it is what it is. i don't really hate maryland; but i can only stand so much from time to time). ehh. we'll see.

ahhh! i gotta get out of this lab; too cold. will continue at home.

***

i'm a little bit calmer, full with food. the pain is gone for now.

i feel good. i just ordered my laptop. from dell, it's pricey, but it has everything that i want. if my last dell laptop lasted my undergraduate career, then this one should last my graduate one, at least. and finally i can change the background and personalize my stuff... watch tv and blog at the same time. i miss that.

when i decided to give up at the lab this evening, it was just MT and i, like the good old days. MT is quite a character indeed. i won't go into any of the ideas that he has running around in his head, just by chance that he would ever find this blog: his 'ideas' are too original to be a normal type of crazy. he's a cool guy though.

this entry is in paragraphs, but i'm looking at it and it's not really making any sense to me. there's no flow. i need to try harder.

those cold pills. man, they give you strange dreams. i had a dream that i was trying to find the apt. building where i lived when i was in queens, but i found this boy and girl instead and i pretended to like them and be their friend for no apparent reason. and then i had another dream with LS.. but let's not go into detail about that, shall we? it's already strange enough as it is. oh, and i did have a dream about bbq and he was apologizing repeatedly, over and over and over. we were dancing and he wouldn't let me go. that was freaky.

i like this song. maybe will the get the album. but truly, with the laptop purchase, my spending sprees must stop. the next paycheck will reflect my cutback hours at work. it'll still be a good check, but just cut in 1/2. man, that's going to hurt. man, i'm hurting right now.

anyways, some recreational reading (as in a non-school book; don't be getting any ideas), sleep, study and class tomorrow.

peace.

soundtrak: ears popping

i was taking the train home yesterday from class when this guy in my car just started coughing uncontrollably. it was nasty; he didn't even try to cover his mouth. it was so bad that the whole car was looking at him with suspiscion. my mind just started going, like one of those shows... medical investigations (which is good, if the ever stop using the phrase 'the nih'; we don't use that here... don't be decieved by them). lo and behold, by the time i got home, i was already drowsy and my throat was starting to get prickly.
so here i am today with a somewhat sore throat (i've had worse), runny nose, sneezing and etc. yay. MT says it's TB (har har!). man, this weekend is gonna suck: singing and lab (whoohoo). anyways, finishing up studying biochem, run to giant (fruit platter for $65?! you gotta be kidding me!!), then rehersal (why even bother...), then home sweet home.


peace.

soundtrak: mankind liberation front: safe from the sun? (humming)

the inadvertent list:

- i'm sitting at work as i type this; i'm tired of studying: blah blah blah blah amino acids blah blah endonuclease blah blah klenow fragment blah blah blah eukaryotic blah blah blah!

-it feels like i'm getting pushed back into the background. there are alot of things that i want to do, but because i live with my parents, they don't get done. for example, tonight i was planning to go running (start my running program) and then study. because we're having a guest, all of that has to be scrapped. because of this pushing back of my priorities, i have yet to complete my study schedule (i am really behind) as well as get back into working out. this is ridiculous. i cannot wait for the day to move out. i miss my freedom.

- i inadvertently ate some starburst before i went to bed the other night. that would explain the strange dreams i've been having lately. last week, i dreamt that i was friends with will and grace (yes, from the show, 'will and grace'). it was weird. jack and karen were there too and we were all laughing about something. the other dream i had last night, i was making out with LS at a party with the cast of 'one tr.ee hill'.

...

i don't even watch one tr.ee hill! making out with LS wasn't bad, but i don't think i ever want to go through that experience anytime soon *chi shudders* (the brotha is cute, but still...).

-i was just running for buses and trains today. i managed to catch the 10am shuttle and guess who was on it? of course. and i still didn't talk to him. i'm such an *ss. wednesday, i promise (at least to myself).

- i also haven't talked to bbq yet. i was reminded when i sent out a mass email to the kfc crew about a church event i'm planning. i just left him off the list. i don't want to see him and i don't want to talk to him, unless on my terms. my terms! damn it!

-it's like the planner in me doesn't want to die. (die planner chi! die!) i'm still planning this party thing at the end of october (daylight savings time partay!). i don't know where, but it's gonna happen... so says chi!

-this entry might as well be in list form. it's like i can't even compose paragraphs anymore... ok, i can compose paragraphs, they just don't link together; there is no stream of thought. lists are just so much easier to compose: i type until i run out of stuff to say.

- funny story: MT came back after a weekend in atl with these foam-thingies-in-a-capsule things. i forgot how the convo was going, but i reminded him how he jacked my western. as a gift of apology, he gave me a foam capsule. i just left it on my bench and the next day, i come back and i find this foam dinosaur sitting on my desk. 'are you afraid of dinosaurs, chi?' he mocked me. he had everybody believing that i'm scared of dinosaurs because i watched jurassic park when i was nine (i wasn't nine; i was starting high school). so now i have two foam dinosaurs on my bench; MT comes around and plays with them (he makes them fight with each other) when he's free. either that or he dances.... oh! why do MT and timon dance the same?! it's so odd, it's scary! (they both can't dance...)

- shoutouts: marcus: where did you disappear off to?; ger: keep hope alive. if i made it into school, you can too. never give up; alison: i'm ready to vote; sid: thanks for listing me.. i'm flattered.

- kfc shoutouts: crispy: call a sista please; jam: hi!; jules: hi-low!; buttawrecka: come november, you better be good or i won't take you out again; OG: heya! don't work too hard.

ok. that's all. my brain is empty.

peace

soundtrak: ian pooley: the scenic route (quiet daze)

the tuesday morning list:

- so things are better with the fam; i'm giving them a break as long as they're giving me one.
- i'm finding that the optimal place for me to study is at work. i still have to run experiments of course, but dr. w is giving me time to actually get some of my school work done. i got alot done yesterday
- so i was riding the gtown shuttle yesterday after class. usually at this time, i switch my school id to my nih id. i caught the 10am shuttle, which i usually miss since class lets out around that time. anyways, so i'm on the bus and this guy walks on. he sits down and he takes off his school id and pulls out his nih one. we were both going to same place. the semi-empty bus was a great place to strike up a conversation, but of course, you know me, i freak out (as usual). we're probably in the same program too. i wish i had the courage...
- i don't want to say that it's hard for me to make friends. it's not. but i know it's me: i get nervous and stammer and sit there like a dolt. the bad part about it all is that i know i'm better than this.
- recent events (the death of zee and others that i don't even know that well) have led to my decision that maybe i should talk to bbq. zee's passing makes my problem with bbq so trival. life is short. i just don't know how i'm going to go about it. i don't care if he's apathetic to my problem with him (which he seems to be), but i need to let him know. that's the important thing. i just don't know how yet. *sigh*
- taking about zee, i know this whole thing has been very hard on T, who was closer to him than i. i haven't talked to him since the wake. he went to the funeral the weekend following. i can't tell him anything that will make him feel better. i just need to give him time.
- i got my new vikter duplaix cd last week. i love it. also got dj kicks: the black album. very nice.

anyways, i gotta go. put some money on my metro card and try to get some studying done before class.

peace

soundtrak: ricky fante: it ain't easy

the (mostly angry) list:

- school is going well. i have yet to study for any of my classes (that's really bad) because of the stuff that i have to do at home. it's annoying and frustrating. people keep on telling me to save money, but i can't function like this: dad not caring and mom being two-timing with the promises that she makes me. *sigh*
- talking to Y on the phone about zee ( i miss ya boy...). we started to reminice about middle school/high school and what was really going on in both of our heads at the time. i didn't realize how much he hated being here at the time. he didn't know about B. over the course of 7 hours, we learned more about each other than we had in the years of friendship.
- my uncle is *still* here. wtf?! i swear, if he calls me by his little nickname that he picked out for me, i will explode on his *ss. y'all don't even know how frustrated he makes me. he's annoying as hell. i'm cursing in my head...
- i was talking to crispy the other day (shoutout to crispy... holla!) about, of all people, bbq. i had almost forgotten why i was so angry with him in the first place, but it seems a reminded was all i needed cos i ain't calling his *ss (how many times have i used that word already...). crispy says that if i really want to him to open up and talk to me, that i should feed him. somehow it's been proven that this tactic works. hmm.
- i do, however, miss talking to jam. we don't have time, with school and everything. but i do miss the conversations that we had. sometimes silly, but always meaningful.
- talking bout crispy: me and her used to do some random things. girl, i miss the randomness. the dancing. the singing. mostly the dancing.
- i need computer! (how many times have i said that before...) because of lack of time, i am hardly on a computer and have been lagging behind on emails and this blog right here. i'm still looking to purchase.

anyways, must eat breakfast and off to school again.

peace.

soundtrak: oasis: don't go away/vikter duplaix: wasted time

zee:

ha! you know the only reason i call you that is because i *still* can't pronounce your name. anyways, it's been awhile. the last time i saw you, i was getting on the metro train you were leaving. you smiled your big smile when you saw me, but our conversation was cut short by closing doors. i asked T for your number and i text messaged you. i wonder if you got that.
so imagine my surprise when T called me again and told me that you were gone. how was that possible? you were just here. just smiling. but it was true. i didn't cry then, but later.
i remember in high school, since our last name was near the end of the alphabet, they always put us together. i remember you were so smart and when you talked to me, you were really nice. but it was something else. your kindness. your happiness. you were genuine. i never forgot that.
neither did all the people that came to your wake yesterday. oh zee, you should of seen it. it was jam packed. everybody was crying. they had pictures of you. always smiling. just smiling. people loved you because you loved them. you changed people's lives. you changed mine.
they said that you would want us all not to be sad, but excel and achieve. be better. be stronger. enjoy life like you did. always. i will.

i'll see you in heaven soon. peace be with you.

chi