soundtrak: london elektricity: far from the shadows

wednesday:

i'm frustrated that it takes me so long to figure things out. that's always been one attribute that i wish i could get rid of. spending hours staring at a blank document. now, it's my cover letter. used to be my personal statement, my CV, my blog sometimes. after a couple of days (or weeks or months), i finally pull out a pad and pen and just start writing (where do you think this entry is coming from?) why didn't i just do that in the first place? why does it take me so long?
i think because my plans always have to be perfect. like a jigsaw puzzle, i have to take out a piece at a time and it better be the right piece, or i have to start all over; i can't just dump all the pieces out on a table and organize from there. it makes me uncomfortable; it's distracting.
unfortunately, this world wasn't made for people like me, so i'm going to have to adjust. and that's the hardest part.

and that was wednesday. between that time frame, i finished my cover letter (what a relief!) and i emailed my prospective investigators. everything is in order, so i feel that only good can come now.

taking the train home the other day, we stopped at the next station. suddenly, these police officers came out of nowhere. they kept on walking in and out of the train car, looking everywhere. at first i thought they were looking for someone, but then it became clear that they were looking for something. and it was then when i realized that there could be a bomb on this train. it was strange. they didn't find anything, the doors closed and the train left the station, but the uneasy feeling didn't leave me. not until i got off that train.

i was talking to jam the other day and the subject of me being a player was broached yet once again. i really don't know where he gets that idea from.
our relationship is different, unusual, original; it can't be defined. the same can be said with my relationship with T; i couldn't even being to even start explaining that. but you have to believe me: i do not intentionally try to lead guys on.

this weekend. naj is coming into town and with her, good news. looks like she finally found the job in dc that she was looking for. that's the girl that i would roommate with if i have to (and i probably will, thank you washington dc area cost of living) it'll be good to have her around more often.

would write some more, but my day is not over yet. updated radio.blog; please enjoy. more later.

peace.