soundtrak: nuyorican soul: i am the black gold of the sun

so it turns out that i don't have pink eye... i have a CORNEAL ULCER... wtf? (sorry, i had to write that in all caps for the effect). also known as a corneal abrasion, it occurs when you scratch your cornea. and i was itching on tuesday, followed by redness and light sensitivity. but it's getting better now (go body! my immune system is the bomb!).
i got a prescription for eyedrops which i have to take... now that my eye is getting better... every HOUR for two days, while i'm awake. that's just crazy... but it's better than every 30 minutes, cos i don't have time like that. and if you know me, i hate to put stuff in my eye. the doctor had to dye my eye to check for scratches and i was not enjoying that at all. i can't even put eyedrops in my eye; it just spills all over my cheeks. so, somebody is going to have to help me every hour to put this stuff so my eye gets better.
damaged eye... you know what that means... my other eye is going to get infected too. because usually that's how the mucosal immune system works... ha! i learned that in class!

anyways, enough science and health talk. in other news, birthday and exams do not mix. i'm still going to go out and do something for my birthday (any ideas?), but i have two exams coming right up my tail. P suggested a strip club and honestly, i'm trying to keep my innocence... because it looks good on me. something clean please.

MB. i don't know if i want to talk about him. he's a sensitive subject. but basically, i screwed that up (even though people are trying to *still* put us together). i mean, i always know in the end i'm going to screw it up. ehh. i come up with these excuses, be it him or me, but there's always something wrong with the equation. maybe i just want myself to be alone. i don't know.

oh! yeah, so i was running a little late today and this lady was walking sooo slow in front of me, i almost missed the train. i got to it just as the doors were closing... and with the power of my-haven't-lifted-since-2003 muscles, i opened those metro doors. yeah... and i broke em... i broke the doors! oops. well, i had to do what i had to do.

something that made me feel good this week: T called me and we watched 'nightline' together (i know that's sad in a way). we do it all the time, spend hours on the phone in silence watching the same show: l.aw and or.der, lost, alias, news, leno, conan. the list goes on. one of our many rituals that make me smile.

anyways, i gotta go rest this eye. it's paining me right now. have a good weekend.

peace.

soundtrak: lost

there is this automatic stigmata with pink eye. it's been annoying, especially on the train; people looking at me. yes, i know i have pink eye... tell me something i don't know.
i just got it the other day; my eye was pretty iritated. now i gotta go to a doctor... well, i gotta get a doctor first...

i was supposedly supposed to start my rotation today, but the lab that i was interested in is filled... i really don't want to get into it, but i'm in a pickle right now. looking for other labs and trying to get in a rotation this semester.

the birthday is in less than a week; next tuesday. quarter life crisis, here i come. if you so feel inclined, birthday gifts are welcome. or if you're like me, poor, i also take birthday emails, IMs, greetings.. just some birthday love!

that's all.

peace.

soundtrak: van hunt: dust

i am having a seriously bad sinus headache right now. i just took some blue pills and calling it a night. but before i go into medicated la-la land, i write this entry to you.

so today was my last day at work. it wasn't sad; it was really nice. i'm really gonna miss working in that lab (but not missing MT and his antics). everybody, including dr. w, just gave me fabulous advice on my next phase of research. i know that if it wasn't for her, i would not be where i am right now at this point.
today, i just cleared out my personal effects, threw out some of my plates (old; from fall 2004...eww) and organized my notebook (experiments and such). i didn't have alot of paperwork to do, being that everything was being transferred to the graduate department.

so i finally remembered to call Y back on thursday. I don't know where he was or what he was doing, but all of a sudden, i could hear his girl just yelling on the other side of the phone. sounded like she just wanted attention. but truly people, i am not a homewrecker... i just don't think that Y understands why his girl is so mad that he spends hours on the phone with a female that is not her (ie. me). i mean, i would be mad if i were her. but what do i know. i've known Y since .... forever and if she ain't complaining, i ain't worrying (because all we do is talk).

in other random things:

- new song (see soundtrak): i was watching vh1 soul, when this video came on. love it. download for your pleasure.
- i can never manage to keep this room clean. i really do try. i cleaned it yesterday and now, there are books and clothes everywhere... like an explosion... KAAA-BOOOOM!!
- so apparently the snow is coming to us on the east coast. that's good; i need to actually do some studying this weekend. don't you ever just need a break from the weekend sometimes?
- randomly saw... aww man, i never gave this dude a name... mr. unattainable: the guy that i rode the shuttle with last semester from school to metro to work. hotness. just seeing him made my morning. *smile*
-chi's iPod random seven:

1. jazzanova: soon
2. afronaught: transcend me
3. blue six: yeah
4. daft punk: face to face
5. jamiroquai: virtual insanity
6. les nubians: bebela
7. vikter duplaix: tropical girl

oooh, i think they're working... the pills that is... time to go...


peace.

soundtrak: zwan: desire

it's hard to think that this is monday; it doesn't feel like a monday. happy mlk day.

we took grandmoms to the airport today. It was sad seeing her go, but we all knew that she was eager to get home. Most of the day was spent weighing suitcases (you don't even know the joy...), taking items out to be taken later (there's always someone going home monthly, at least here in the DC area), writing and re-writing letters for grandma's to hand to an english-speaker.
i gave grandmoms the $20 in my wallet; i know it'll help her more than it'll help me. i miss her already.

waiting at the airport, Y left a message. Not that i purposely have not called Y since he got into town... i just didn't make it a priority, you know, with evil girlfriend and all. but he called; he wants to hang out. i called him back, but not before moms ordered that i called al (to say his goodbyes), so conversation was short. like a minute. dag. i was supposed to call him back. oops. yah. eventually.

my mini-heater is on full blast; it's been freezing outside for the past couple of days. my sinuses are just going crazy. lucky for me, i stocked up on an assortment of pills, from the ones that make you go sleep to 12-hour sinus relief.
talking about sleep, my sleep pattern has been a hot mess too. i usually go to sleep around 1am, but for the past couple of days, it's been 3am, with random wakings at 4am, 5.30am, 6am and finally rolling out of bed at 7.30... late. it's probably stress, but it's not a good thing.

yesterday, crispy, T and i went to chinatown. actually, we never really figured out where we wanted to go and by the time we met (late in the afternoon) @ the m.ci center, we decided to stay around the area. crispy and i sat in a starb.ucks waiting for T to park. when he finally showed up, we tried to determine what we wanted to do next, but not before we were accosted by one of the local homeless. and I don't mean that in a mean way... but she started talking to us about chess and how starb.ucks should sponsor the homeless in DC. she did make some good points. T did most of the talking. by the time we left, we ate at a restaurant on the block (horrible service) and ended up going home. crispy, our outings need to be better than this. T needs to show up early for once.

anyways, this entry is so blah. this week is going to be good. class on tuesday and wednesday. shopping and a movie on thursday (who cares about some stinking inauguration!) and finality of a good week on friday. updates forthcoming.

peace.

soundtrak: london elektricity: fast soul music

TGIF list:

- i like this song better than it's remix
- things about school (i.e. the slowness of paperwork) is stressing me out. wednesday is the last day to sign up for classes and i'm not even in the system yet.
- i just had to be an idiot (after i warned myself) and take out my iPod today (i was tired of carrying my walkman + book of CDs). i done already scratched the surface; so upset (you know how i feel siddity...). i'm working on working on that.
- i'm cold. and the weather, which has gone from spring budding to winter returning, has swollen my sinuses.
- i'm spending money like water (like evian-water-for-a-bubble-bath-i-ain't-got-money-like-that). my c.c. bill is always $300+ a month. it's crazy. this month, i got stuff for the laptop and iPod and added the monthly $$ for the metro. ... and i haven't even bought books yet... i'm talking bout textbooks, not my other books... which i haven't bought yet either *sigh*
- i don't know if you want to call it writer's block or sheer laziness; i haven't written anything in the past week and 1/2. i open the file and i kinda just stare at it for awhile before i fall asleep. so sad.
- iPod random mix:
1. maxwell: no one
2. coldplay: daylight
3. vikter duplaix: what we want
4. bahamadia: philadelphia
5. the roots: you don't see us
6. aphex twin: alberto balsalm
7. the roots: step into the realm
8. amon tobin: stoney street
9. stevie wonder: she's a bad mama jama
10. coldplay: clocks
11. stevie wonder: lately
12. nitin sawhney: sunset
13. shawn lee: happiness (ashley beedle's west coast mix)
14. nightmares on wax: morse
15. ma.rvin ga.ye: what's going on
16. maxwell: arroz con pollo

more later.


peace.

soundtrak: john mayer: clarity (sessions@aol single)

today was a long day. i'm tired. classes were ok; most of them are in the morning, except this ethics class on wednesday evenings. yay.

i think that bbq is the only person that would call me at 7 in the morning... (well, except maybe T; but when he called at 4, he was drunk in a club...). i called him back after my morning bank of classes.
"when's your birthday?" he asked me. i told him: february 1st.
"yeah, i figured it was some of those winter months... well, i don't know why i remembered (didn't he just ask me when the date was?), but happy early birthday!" are you kidding me? i told him to write that date down; he should know by now. i'm gonna get him a day planner for his birthday.

(T trying to talk to me on the phone and watch l.aw and ord.er at the same time? i told him to call me back...)

so we were eating dinner today; moms, grandmoms and dad, when dad asks me the status of my whole graduate school experience (whatever.). i tell him the update; i'm in (yeah y'all, i'm in), but i'm still waiting on paperwork. then he starts, like he always starts, saying how i should 'pat my back' that i got in, but now 'here comes the hard part' and how i should be ready for it. after all the stuff and interviews (lots and lots of interviews...) that i went through... i mean, don't you think i know what i'm getting myself into.. anyways, i think that was the closest thing to 'congratulations' i was going to get from him, so i took it. mom wants rent (i don't know why she's asking now when i'm getting less then what i was getting at the jobby-job). i'm looking for another place.

grandmoms is leaving on monday. despite the language barrier (yo, i understand, but speaking is another thing...), i really enjoy the times just sitting with her. i know i don't have alot of time to do it and i know she won't be here forever, so i cherish it. i finally figured out where i get the cheeks from (from all you umbc people that know... always pinching my cheeks and whatnot...); definitely the moms' side.
grandmoms' departure throws a wrench into plans with T and crispy. well, we don't even know what we were going to do anyways. maybe we'll try something sunday.

anyways, it's time for me to sleep. lata.

peace.

soundtrak: london elektricity: fast soul music (nu:tone remix)

the 'i don't feel like writing today' list:

- the previous entry i did not write; it was a quote that i quoted from my 99' entries. i don't remember who wrote it, but it's impact on me then (at the tender age of 19) and now, are very profound.
- classes start tomorrow. most of them are in the morning, which is good and bad in a way. good because i can't do afternoon classes (i get tired and whinny and want to go home) but bad because i have to wake up like 3 hours before class and catch the train at least 2 hours before class (i can't bear to be late to anything...)
- so i finally looked at those entries on disk. wow. all the way back to 1999. moving from freshman to sophomore (and my 21 credit fiasco... the catalysts used to give me a 21 salute, like i was going to academic war or something...), when i was still messing with B and i thought i was so grown. ehh... maybe i'll post some later.
- various peoples have mentioned to me the possibility that maybe i'm a player. are you kidding me? with who? how? i don't even know how to be a 'player'.... i need concrete evidence here.
- MB is a punk.
- jules says that i should get out more often and talk to people. but it's so much easier just to sit in a corner and keep to myself. ahh, seclusion...

i'm done for now. need to prepare for tomorrow. nite.


peace.

people have (with the help of conventions) oriented all their solutions toward the easy and toward the easiest side of the easy; but it is clear that we must hold to what is difficult; everything alive holds to it, everything in Nature grows and defends itself in its own way and is characteristically and spontaneously itself, seeks at all costs to be so and against all opposition. we know little but that we must hold to what is difficult is a certainty that will not forsake us; it is good to be solitary, for solitude is difficult; that something is difficult must be a reason the more for us to do it.

you are so young, so before all beginning, and i want to beg you as much as i can to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tounge. do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. and the point is to live everything. live the questions now. perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer. perhaps you do carry within yourself the possiblity of shaping and forming a particularly happy and pure way of living: train yourself to it - but take whatever comes with great trust, and if only it comes out of your own will, out of some need of your inmost being, take it upon yourself and hate nothing.

here were an immense country lies about me, over which the winds pass coming from the seas, here i feel that no human being anywhere can answer for you those questions and feelings that deep within them have a life of their own; for even the best err in words when they are meant to mean most delicate and almost inexpressible things. but i believe nevertheless that you will not have to remain without a solution if you will hold to objects that are similar to those from which my eyes now draw refreshment. if you will cling to Nature, to the simple in Nature, to the little things that hardly anyone sees, and that can so unexpectedly become big and beyond measuring; if you have this love of inconsiderable things and seek quite simply, as one who serves, to win the confidence of that [which] seems poor: then everything will become easier, more coherent and somehow more conciliatory for you, not in your intelect, pehaps, which lags marveling behind, but in your inmost consciousness, waking and cognizance.

- Letters to a Young Poet, Ranier Maria Rilke


peace.

soundtrak: slum village: selfish

T and i went to i.kea today. it was fun. he was late; so typical. even though we talk practically everyday, we only see each other once every couple of months. the last time i saw T, we went to zee's wake. after, i commented, "your hair. it's short." i ran my hand over his nearly bald head. today, it was a small afro; smaller than what i've been used to, but an afro nonetheless. i'm sure by summer, it'll be long and tangled and he'll cut it again.
anyways, as you all know, i hate shopping with a passion unless i know what i'm going to get. i was ready to go in and get my desk chair, help T get some stuff and then roll out. T didn't see it quite that way and dragged me to parts of that store i didn't even know exisited. ha! it was nice. it was fun. we had a good time. after (we spent like 4 hours in there... i was dying...), we stopped by chi.pole's for a late lunch, before he dropped me home.
i don't know what it about T that makes me feel so relaxed around him; just free to be me. i like who i am around him.

i called Mic (finally) last night. i didn't realize that med school starts a week before other classes (well, some of them at least), so she was already into all the studying and whatnot. but it was good talking to her. we talked about the holidays and birthday. gah! she just had to remind me that i'm turning 25 next month. it's a big thing; i'll be no longer in the 18-24 demographic. too old for m.tv. anyways, she says i should do something big and i always run into this problem every year: i never know what to do for my birthday. i need ideas people! what should i do? mind you, i'll probably be in school, so keep it some sort of sane.

as i was leaving work yesterday, i ran into MT, who came in ceremoniously late (2pm... ha!) because he thought monday was a holiday (in everybody's dreams). i'm not quite sure when i'm terminating from work, but man, i'm gonna miss that dude. i need somebody kooky to keep me on my toes.

i am the furniture-assembly queen! i put together my chair and tv stand all by my lonesome; no brothers to help me this time. i feel so empowered. next is going to be the bookshelf i need to get.

anyways, must prepare for work tomorrow. nite.

peace.

soundtrak: lab soundage

bad, bad chi. i must of meant to, but didn't. vist gerard. link on right; can't link in this entry because the mac here is so old.
i was planning on going to ik.ea with T tomorrow, but because of my proactive self (thanks stephen covey...), i have an experiment this week. it's like i don't know when to stop... still going... wee!

anyways, just trying to get my stuff in order. money-wise: donating (to adra), paying the bills and wondering if i'll have enough money left for books; workout-wise: yeah... i haven't started yet...; issue-wise: i'll always have issues man...; D.O.G/equilibrium-wise: actually, my brother found my old disks in my old laptop bag... so i'm gonna look through those. i haven't put up a cast list , but it's coming soon; and school-wise: one more day before i pull out a can of... well, you know...

oh. and happy belated to jeremy. i always miss it somehow...

anyways... back to work!


peace.

soundtrak: handsome boy modeling school: the truth

happy new year.

just came back from church; we had this huge sleepover for the smaller kiddies... and man, i am never gonna have kids if they're gonna act that way... somebody will get beat... just craziness.

anyways, thursday, went out with 1/2 the biochem crew. we couldn't reach the boy on his phone and nic ended up picking me up. mg was at a funeral the day before and we didn't expect him to show. we went to the (new) mall near umbc and met up with D, who didn't need to picked up because he purchased a brand new car... brand new! nic and i tried to think of reasons why he would sell the car his parents gave him and then all of a sudden buy a new one (and i am talking new; 2005). he explained to that when he came down to bmore for new years (when he said he was gonna stay in pa for the holidays... boo!), he didn't know how he was going to get back up to school... so he decided to buy a car. yeah... i wish i could just 'decide' to buy a car (i mean, even just for the hell of it), but i digress.
we ate, discussing more on the D-is-a-ladies'-man theory, to which D refused to admit that he did indeed admit at our last outing, that he has game. after dinner, we watched oce.an's 12, which wasn't too bad, but long and disjointed compared to it's prequel.
D ended up giving me a ride back in his new ride. he got lost getting out of the mall and ended up having to make a big loop around the betway(s) to get back to my area. we mostly joked around a bit (he's just so easy to diss! and anyways, it's payback from grade school up), but we also talked about issues i've been having lately. we finally ended up back to my house and D told me that everything goes in cycles, especially the situations we have with the people we know now. it's what we learn and take from those situations that will help us when they arise again. the wise one has spoken.

T called me new year's eve. when i called him back, he was driving around, with no plans in mind. i don't know what we started talking about, but then he mentioned how ash was in town and how she was going to this party and she didn't have a ride, so she called T up... this whole situation between T and ash is hazardous. T knows this yet he keeps on putting himself in there. he doesn't want to talk about it with me; he refuses. so all i can do is sit and listen. he took her to the party and dropped her off... let me not even type what i'm thinking.
you know it's like that drug commercial where the girl is drowning and her friend is standing by watching her drown and the announcer goes: if you knew your friend was in trouble, you'd help her, right? well, hell: T wants to drown. well, let him drown then.

i have no real resolutions for the year 2005. my big thing though is to write this novel. i finally started, so now i just need to continue. as for the gym, i needed to go back a long time ago. no resolution about it. i need to figure out if it'll be more reasonable to go to the school gym and quit bally's or what. maybe take a class, like last time.

this week is my last week before school starts up again. i need to get stuff in order; probably have to go down to gtown and work that stuff out. i need to read these scientific papers that i've been putting off. T still wants to go to i.kea (still..) and i need to get stuff for the iPod and my lovely laptop. i suppose i should start with cleaning this room and laundry. whot! (yeah, i don't know what the hell that means either... i just made it up)

peace.