soundtrak: ian pooley: on my mind

TGIF list

- i don't think i've ever been so glad for a friday to arrive as i am today.
this week was long, painful and unnecessary.
- i guess that since it's fall now, it's reasonable that the weather becomes cooler. my sinuses are going crazy this morning. i'm tired because everything is swollen.
- dad came back from kenya this week. ehh. what else can i say?
- i think i figured out why gu insurance didn't pay for my hospital visit...
i don't think i'm insured. apparently, you have to sign up every year or semester or whatever for the crappy insurance anyway. of course, nobody ever told me about that. (update: i called the insurance office and found out that today was the last day to sign up for insurance. but then i had to be a doctorate student taking 8 credits or more or a thesis student (i'm only taking six and i haven't started my thesis yet). but let me tell you, this woman working there was soo nice to me... she hooked me up. so i got insurance now and it's retroactive, so i just have to reclaim my hospital visit and i'm money. fabulous.)
- had my biostats exam this week. it wasn't that bad, considering it was open book... but then, it was multiple choice... who does multiple choice for math exam? i know i didn't fail it, but i know that i didn't ace. i just hope that ok is good enough.
- school sucks a bit now. only for the fact that i really, honestly do not see or encounter any black people when i'm here. of course, there are black people in the medical school, but i'm the only black person in my program and it's starting to get to me now. i sit in the library and have people stare at me like they've never seen a black person in their life (i mean seriously, in DC...). also, i was told stories about certain professors and their 'preferences' on who should be in their department or not. it really sucks that i'm judged not by my varied skills, but my skin color and last name. discrimination sucks.
- my friendship with bbq cycles from like to tolerance to dislike (because hate is too strong of a word). when i ran into him on the metro tuesday, travelling home from class, i was in the 'dislike' state. and that's where i currently stay now.
- just in general, it feels like everybody is irking me now. i can't stand to be around Y or even T. T calls everyday and i just cut our conversations short (which are usually 3-4 hours a call); i don't feel like talking to anyone. and god no, it's not that time of month.
- so they keep on talking about this supreme court nominee; bush is looking for diversity, so it'll either be a minority or a woman... yeah, because it can't be a minority woman. let bush prove me wrong.
- god, i just have so many godd*mn issues... and it's driving me crazy...

hope you have a fabulous weekend.

peace.

soundtrak: kanye west: gone/ late





it didn't occur to me that d.o.g would look any different on a resolution that wasn't 1680 x 1050; well... i didn't know my resolution was set there, that's all. so that's what i see...

i also didn't realize that d.o.g's birthday passed by just 5 days ago. it's been four years and i've finished college, worked for a bit and started grad school. looking back through the entries, it's strange. maybe i'll put some flashback links when i got the time. but thanks to the people that have been here all four, even before i started this blog; crispy, marcus, alison, gerald.

anyways, less reminiscing and more studying and football.

peace.

soundtrak: jeremy ellis: corataron a elena

TGIF list:

- man, i have never been more relieved for the sight of friday. this week was just hell. just work, work and more work. i was really depressed starting off the week (yes, crispy, about that...), but it seems to have faded away now.
- so Y and his girl broke up. kinda funny how it happened too... he called the day of their anniversary, the day that they got back together. 'do you know what today is?' she asked. he said no and she said that they should see other people. lol. i would feel bad for him, but he's already out on the scene, making his moves on unsuspecting ladies. watch out now! also, he seems to be in alot of breakup relationships. i would ask him about that girl that he was all about to marry, but he doesn't know that i know about that.
- finally got back to working out. they have these classes over at nikewomen.com, which i enjoy; i just hook up the laptop to the tv and go. but it has been awhile; my legs are sore.
- the side of my right hand is swollen. i seriously thought it was tumor (even though it wasn't there this morning). what do you they call that... the medical student disease: The medical student, assumed to be a reasonably intelligent, level-headed person, reads about various unpleasant conditions with diffuse or common symptoms and becomes convinced that he or she has the disease. "Look at this checklist! Headaches: yes, I have headaches. Dizziness: I felt dizzy yesterday in the revolving door. Insomnia: I hardly got any sleep last night. Nervousness: totally! Oh my God, I have a brain tumor. Probably inoperable. It is both tragic and ironic. Wait, read these symptoms of tetanus! Headaches, dizziness, agitation ..." ehh... but looking at it closer, i'm seeing classic signs of an insect bite (which i've been getting alot of lately), but then again, i might of just banged my hand against a wall, walking by, like i always do and completely forgot about it. let's see what happens.
- naj was in town at the beginning of the week. the day that we could all get together, i, debilitated by my current depression (no crispy, i didn't take that so seriously... other things), decided that it would be better to stay at home and not bring the party down.
- as a gtown student, i get crime logs of whatever happens on campus or whatnot. this week was just ridiculous: On Saturday, September 17, 2005, at approximately 5:30am, a University student reported to the Metropolitan Police Department
(MPD) that an unknown person entered her home in the 3500 block of O Street, NW through an unlocked front door. The unknown male startled the student from her sleep when he attempted to remove her clothing. A struggle ensued and the suspect was last seen exiting the front door. The MPD canvassed the area with negative results. The student who reported the incident was not injured, and no property was reported missing.
and i'm not just posting this to be mean to the person that this happened too... i wouldn't wish that on anybody... but why, dear lord, why is your front freakin' door unlocked... in DC! come on now.. i live in the md suburbs, in a quiet, hoa neighborhood and i never, ever leave my door unlocked. and if you're roommate did, she wouldn't be my roommate any longer. i swear, half these reports, people leave their stuff unattended or locks unlocked... did you really think that nothing was going to happen? *sigh*

anyways, i guess that's all for now. i need to get some sleep. how was your week?

peace.

soundtrak: coldplay: fix you

when i first started grad school, i was scared. i was scared like i was 10 years old starting middle school. everything was new, including the school building. i was quiet and kept to myself, observing people as i went through my day. eventually, through a series of interactions and repetition, i grew comfortable, knowing that at least things wouldn't change for a couple of years, but i didn't have to worry about it now. things were good now.
when i walked in the medical building at the beginning of this term, i had that feeling of dread again. everything had changed. i'm taking class with strangers, the people i used to hang out with are hanging out with other people. even the little coffee shop that we always used to go to, taking a break from lab, is gone too. and i knew that things would change, but i wasn't prepared for things to change so quickly.
but it seems that as my friends and i grow, things are changing even quicker. we're getting older, man. things are changing faster than i would like. i was sort of blindsided by it all this weekend.

but then i realized that change isn't bad, but necessary. and i had been holding on to somethings just a little too tight and now was the time that i had to let go. i knew i had to change, but i was scared and so i didn't. but now i'm not scared and i go into the changes that i must make headfirst. it seems that's the only way to go.

peace.

soundtrak: london elektricity: far from the shadows

wednesday:

i'm frustrated that it takes me so long to figure things out. that's always been one attribute that i wish i could get rid of. spending hours staring at a blank document. now, it's my cover letter. used to be my personal statement, my CV, my blog sometimes. after a couple of days (or weeks or months), i finally pull out a pad and pen and just start writing (where do you think this entry is coming from?) why didn't i just do that in the first place? why does it take me so long?
i think because my plans always have to be perfect. like a jigsaw puzzle, i have to take out a piece at a time and it better be the right piece, or i have to start all over; i can't just dump all the pieces out on a table and organize from there. it makes me uncomfortable; it's distracting.
unfortunately, this world wasn't made for people like me, so i'm going to have to adjust. and that's the hardest part.

and that was wednesday. between that time frame, i finished my cover letter (what a relief!) and i emailed my prospective investigators. everything is in order, so i feel that only good can come now.

taking the train home the other day, we stopped at the next station. suddenly, these police officers came out of nowhere. they kept on walking in and out of the train car, looking everywhere. at first i thought they were looking for someone, but then it became clear that they were looking for something. and it was then when i realized that there could be a bomb on this train. it was strange. they didn't find anything, the doors closed and the train left the station, but the uneasy feeling didn't leave me. not until i got off that train.

i was talking to jam the other day and the subject of me being a player was broached yet once again. i really don't know where he gets that idea from.
our relationship is different, unusual, original; it can't be defined. the same can be said with my relationship with T; i couldn't even being to even start explaining that. but you have to believe me: i do not intentionally try to lead guys on.

this weekend. naj is coming into town and with her, good news. looks like she finally found the job in dc that she was looking for. that's the girl that i would roommate with if i have to (and i probably will, thank you washington dc area cost of living) it'll be good to have her around more often.

would write some more, but my day is not over yet. updated radio.blog; please enjoy. more later.

peace.

soundtrak: kanye west: late

T and i are at it again. I don't know how we started it, but we keep on doing it. watching tv, people, while on the phone. we started off prime time on IM, watching all the four networks plus some pbs for good measure. we ended with l&o: svu on the phone, talking science. such nerds we are. taking a break now, but maybe will catch nightline and conan later on. the fall season has just begun, my friends.

classes and church are keeping me too busy. just too many things to do. no time to even complain about it, just doing it.

more later when i can think.

peace.

soundtrak: blue six: beautiful tomorrow

i ended up staying at home this labor day weekend. i didn't go to lunch with LS, didn't go out with Y and B... i just stayed at home and studied. good thing i did too since biostats today was ridiculous... the whole class is ridiculous: homework, first exam at the end of the month, even where we have class is ridiculous. and you know i hate math too...
i remember being at um.bc thinking that i really didn't need to take statistics (that's before they made it mandatory for biochem students to take it) and i didn't take it... man, that was a mistake...

ok, enough whining for now... oh wait, summer's over! (jeff, i'm crying on the inside...). ok, now i'm done.
randomness: the radio.blog is back; enjoy. apparently, JK and i are not talking and of course, i'm always the last to know. i don't like to play games, so stop playing. T is taking physics ... again, so he's really studying hardcore. he's my good influence, get my study genes activated.

i'm actually trying to get to bed earlier, so i can, you know, wake up in the morning. it's a strange concept that i haven't done in awhile, but i must prepare to wake up when i finally start my rotation (yes, i still don't have one...)

peace.

soundtrak: daft punk: musique (version longue)

random list:

- why can't the second day of school be like the first? my biostats course doesn't start until next week and i have to read six chapters within that time. i also have to read a chapter of immuno... brush up on the stuff i forgot. i ended up visiting my old rotation lab and buying my $115 biostats book, which after i have read my six chapters, will promptly return because i got a better deal online. took the train home, tired. even the crazy people... i was just too tired to deal.
- starting class on wednesday really confused me... i didn't realize that tomorrow was going to be friday...
- somebody asked me what my disability was. i don't want to say (those who know me for real know the deal). i've had it since birth, it's unnoticable, and it hasn't really been a bother til now. i've been taking pills all this week to help me sleep, so i can actually wake up for class the next morning. but it's getting worse and it looks like i'm going to have to seek physical therapy for it. i did therapy when i was a baby, but it didn't really do me any good. i don't know if it'll really help me now, but maybe it'll relieve some of the pain.
- as you can see from my soundtrak, i finally got the daggone cd... gosh...
- i was really trying to get out of this brunch thing with Y and LS this sunday. i suggested sunday afternoon thinking that LS would be busy and Y, B and i would go out and see the constant gardener (it better be as good as the book, because i was too lazy to start on it... and why am i going out with these guys again?), but LS said yes, so i guess i'll have to grit my teeth and bear it. *sigh*
- radio.blog temporarily out of service... somebody ate up the bandwidth...
- T and i were watching nightline the other night. we were thinking, what would we do if i were in that situation? and i can't; i can't imagine how i would feel if the only place i knew was just destroyed like that. my words can't do it justice, but i'm praying.

time to take some pills and get some sleep.

peace.