soundtrak: the cansecos: raised by wolves

the end of november list:

- soundtrak: strange song... good, but strange.
- i wonder if sometimes i just wait on purpose to forget bad things that happened. last week wasn't so great. tuesday, after class, i was planning on watching a movie with B and Y. sitting in the metro parking lot, i called B up first and when he said that i had to call Y for information on where we would be going to see the movie (harry potter, which i really wasn't interested in seeing anyways... but now that i saw one of the series, i think i should catch up...), i knew B was up to something. i really don't want to get into it all, because it makes me mad just thinking about it, but that boy knows how to push all the right wrong buttons. bastard. i'm tired of that sh*t! B went to go see his damn movie by himself while Y and i went shopping, which was actually quite enjoyable. we went to this store in rockville that was kind of strange to me, until i realized that this is probably where all the old pimps and players in the wash dc area shop, i swear. i spend half the time knocking out old player hats and pimp suit (as in lounge suits) that Y kept on picking up. "you ain't an old player.. yet," i joked with him. good times.
- went out on the 'non-date' last wednesday. we went to the new cheese.cake factory in columbia (man, i frequent that restaurant waay too much). it was nice mostly because it was new (and the staff was on point). no highlights from that; it was an okay lunch.
- thanksgiving was blah-ish. cousins came over... same old, same old. my uncle brought his new daughter. she's the cutest baby ever; 7-1/2 months. i spent most of the holiday taking care of her which only led me to conclude that i really, really don't want to have a baby. man, all i had to do was to take care of her, not even buy anything like diapers and stuff. it was great the first day, but by the end of the weekend, it was just too much.
- so ghetto, D called saturday afternoon to see if i could come down to columbia mall and hang out with the biochem crew. he also informed me that JK would be joining us; and you know i really don't want to get into that, but let's leave it that i wasn't too happy about it. am i selfish? that i like it when it's just the biochem crew (and nic's fiance, beau, who i love... he's a great guy). mg stopped by when we were still in the mall. i really, really haven't seen him in awhile (if you don't include the chemistry building dedication). i miss that boy. we went to the factory, which was full of course (on a saturday night), so we decided to go to o. garden (which i hated... who came up with that idea?; i'm in the no italian, no pasta funk right now). we reminisced about the good old days at umbc, our previous outings, and D's theory (which is also known as D's hex). it was good in the end.
- we previously mentioned M in our conversation, to which the boy groaned, "she crazy". i've been getting alot of emails from her, forwards, in the past two weeks. i just delete them. i can't deal with the crazy; i don't have time for that.
- i'm starting to real how small the science community really is, especially when you go to a specific area. other than the various connections that i've had over the years, the new one is the boy used to work for my new boss when we were at umbc. he told me that she was hardcore. when i called her today to set up my start date, i thanked her again for the opportunity, she replied, "don't thank me yet.. we're going to work you." eek! and i know she will, but i'm ready for it. i'm willing to stand up for the challenge. i'm still excited about it. now i gotta work on the paperwork.. gotta love the paperwork.
- i should be studying right now... should be. the fall semester culminates on wednesday with my immuno final, which should of been take home, but now is in-class. the masters students are whining about it (i mean, and the fact that he told us less that two weeks before the final... what is that..), so it might change...i hope so because i really haven't been studying at all.
- i haven't talked to T in awhile. it's been bit of a mutual thing; i think we both needed space. so you could imagine my surprise when during lost, my phone buzzed. it was just like old times, discussing during episodes. i miss him.
- maybe i'm just too finicky, too picky. the way i do things, what i like to eat, where i like to go. but isn't everybody?
- tomorrow is world aids' day. what can i say, that i haven't said before. it's one thing to know someone that has hiv/aids, it's another to know several people with hiv/aids that just happen to all be your relatives; watch them live and die. it's not just one day a year, it's every day.

peace.

i'm still figuring out how i'm gonna write this...

and you thought my dreams were crazy...
(crispy, what were you smoking... give me some of that...lol)

peace.

soundtrak: fertile ground: let the wind blow

man, this song brings back memories of sophomore year in college. they finally released fertile ground's record from 2000. love it.

anyways, i got my new license. i'm smiling, for one and i don't have to wear glasses when i drive (yay!). looks like not wearing glasses for a week worked (and the lady liked me); i only had to read the tiny line once. so it's going to be another 5 years before i have to renew it again.
friday was good. i woke up late and by the time i got out the door, it was 10:30 (and my meeting was at 11am across town). yeah, i was speed racing, but i got there just in time: found parking and raced across campus with my bum knee. abbs and i were the first one there, i guess since the newer students were coming from gtown through metro. we talked about the program, the good and bad and how to improve it. then me, abbs and two of the new students (one got lost and the other one had work i guess) went out to lunch for thai. i drove since i parked my car on campus. i was really trying to be sane about the driving; i didn't want to kill anyone. it was good meeting though. they're smart kids (and i feel that i have right to say that; i'm at least 1-2 years older than all of them) and i know we'll all go far.

if i didn't already mention before, my interview on wednesday went well and i hope to start working in that lab very soon (you know how government paperwork is..). i just want to shout out all the people that helped me during these past 8 months for looking for a thesis lab: dr. w, dr. j and dr. g, who wrote me fabulous recommendations. my program coordinators who never gave up on me, always poked me (through email) to look alive and scoured the directory of investigators for me to email, abbs, who always encouraged me, the great professors at gtown, my church and even the med school priest, who prayed for me when i was extremely discouraged, and ms. k, who always makes sure that my tuition payment is always on point. i'm glad that i can finally move to the next level, even if the next level will be harder and more stressful. i know i can't be timid and i can't be shy. i gotta grab for it. i'm excited with anticipation.

that's all. more later.

peace.

soundtrak: franz ferdinand: take me out

it's so cold outside. and yesterday it was so humid... i'm surprised that my sinuses haven't exploded yet.

anyways, i've been really lax these past couple of months. because i don't have a rotation (but i will very, very soon... my interview went well yesterday and i still didn't get sick... added bonus!) and i have one class a day in the afternoon, i wake up late in the afternoon, go to class, come home and chill. hard and alot. i eat once a day; lupper, don't work out (robin, don't hurt me...) and i barely study. it's so sad.
now with the possibility of a rotation and with next semester classes looming (we're back to 9am classes), i'm starting to realize how much time i've had and i've wasted. man! so many things i could have been doing and i didn't do. and now i realize that i really, really have to pick up the pace now.

thanksgiving is just around the corner and of course, my cousins emailed the fam asking if thanksgiving is going to be at our house. i'm not as courteous as mom and i would of told them 'hell no'. they do this every year, with the assuming and whatnot. not all my cousins (all 200+ of em), but the select few that live up the beltway in baltimore, get on my nerves. they would always complain how i wouldn't go visit them when i went to school up there, yet they would never come down to campus to take a sista grocery shopping (when i didn't have a car). in general, they always want support or funds, but they will never support you. they make fun of al and i because we're not 'black' enough since we don't listen to the latest (and supposedly greatest) rap/hip-hop songs... and yet.. ugh.. don't even get me started! it's a miracle that i don't deal with them more often since they're so close; they are more at fault for that than me. yet i have to grin and bear it every single thanksgiving.
i look more forward to the biochem crew get-together, annually somewhere in baltimore. i don't know what we're doing this year, but i do hope that we do something. i haven't heard from anybody yet. i also go out annually (somehow this is sad) with T and crispy. I'm supposed to be going to lunch and cologne shopping with another friend, the guy that graduated from umbc and is in my class... i'm going to continue to tell myself that it's not a date... cos it's not a date! not a date! ahh... the repetition is working...

my driver's license expires on my birthday, Feb 2006, so i have received the obligatory early reminder notice in the mail. and can you believe it, i'm freaked out. why, you ask? because they're going to make me do the eye exam and i know i can't pass it this year without my reading glasses. i know, especially at night, i can't read street signs worth the life in me (and that is how i got lost in DC on tuesday night... just don't ask, ok...), but the idea of always having glasses on, especially when driving is not appealing. i would have to remember to take them, always have them on me. and i only have one pair and they stay in my school bag. anyways, 5 years ago i was lucky. the lady asked me to read the bottom line (the small line). squinting, i read out the 6 letters. she didn't say anything, so when i looked up, she had this confused look on her face, like, 'wtf?'. "why don't you try it again," she said with a smirk. i closed my eyes, squinted harder and realized the 6 letters that i thought i was reading didn't appear in the line at all... all six letters. i think she felt sorry for me. being 5 years later, my eyesight hasn't gotten worse (i think it got worse in one eye or something, but i had a similar prescription for my eyeglasses) but i don't know if i can wing that eye exam again. i'm working on some eye strengthening exercises since i have to go to the mva by the end of the week. absolutely fabulous.

anyways, despite the fact that i've only had class for two days this week, it's been a busy week. the interview and looking good for the interview (i.e. fresh braids; read: how i got lost in DC in the first place). meeting with other students in program (and meeting up with abbs, who i haven't seen in awhile) and meeting more members of my new lab, which is tomorrow, since instead of class, there will be a flu symposium (which just sounds funny to me.. maybe i'm just too much of a nerd...)
i'm gone. reading more papers and then off to class. then lupper (bk veggie burger is calling my name), emails then taking advantage of the serious chillin' before it's gone.

peace.

soundtrak: the roots ft. common: love of my life (live)

i am willing myself to stay healthy at this point. dad had this really nasty cough last week and now timon and mom have it. i'm always the last person in the house to get sick unless i bring the sickness in the house. so of course i had to take care of everyone today; buy medicine and such. i was in the store, in the checking line, when this little girl, stopped in front of me, looked up and coughed in my face. i didn't know if i should... well, i didn't know what to do. and the mother was so apologetic about it: "aww, does my sweetie have a cold?" 'well clearly, since she just coughed all over me!' i wanted to scream.
i really am trying not to get sick, even though i feel that familiar itching in my chest. eating raw mushrooms (they really do work), taking zinc lozenges, drinking lots of fluids, and staying away from the sick people. we'll see how i feel tomorrow morning. i really can't get sick... i have a rotation interview on wednesday.

saturday was crazy. i left the house at 9 and didn't come back til 2am. service, lunch, rehersal, youth programme, then end with dinner at chee.secake factory. i think i'm so much of a regular there, one of the busboys have taken a shine to me. ugh. it's like he always knows that i'm there and will come up with any excuse (oh, a napkin! let me take that to the kitchen!) to come and stare at me. everybody thinks it's cute. everyone except me. they say i should use and abuse; get a good table or free cheese cake. ugh.

can you believe 7 more weeks til the end of 2005. where did the year go?

anyways, i'm gone.

peace.

soundtrak: coldplay: don't panic



my special pills. my weapon of choice: tylenol pm... painkiller with the power of drowziness... those blue pills get me everytime. advil for the basic pain (but it never seems to be basic), sudafed sinus, tylenol sinus and excedrin sinus for the sinus attack, which have been few due to the mild weather.
and i really used to be the person that would ride throughout the pain; i would refuse to take anything. but that was before the sinus attacks got frequent and more painful. but really, i'm not a pill popper, but i'm well stocked and prepared.

T and i don't talk like we used to. we used to spend hours talking about nothing and now we can hardly hold a conversation. it's like that part of our relationship just ceased to exisit. it's frustrating.

more later.

peace.

soundtrak: high contrast: tutti frutti



see the insanity... do you see it?! anyways, i also bought the sudoku book because i'm a sudoku addict, i admit it. i won't be all crazy and print out extra puzzles and do them on the train (like i see so many people do), but i do buy the books. also, burt's bees beewax; medicine for my november lips... mmm.



i also got new speakers last month. much to my surprise (and delight), they glow blue which sickingly matches everything else in my room... yay!

no crazy people on the train today, but yesterday.. oh boy. i live beyond the silver spring station, so i will always skip that station bound train and take the glemont instead. so here i am, stopped at silver spring and this lady getting off starts yelling at me that this is the last stop and i should get off. mind you, she's only yelling at me and not the dozen or so individuals sitting in the car. weird indeed.

updated radio.blog. to note: i was on a old school hiphop downloading binge when i got positive k: i gotta man. ahh memories... i used to know all the words... enjoy.

peace.

soundtrak: frou frou: must be dreaming

i feel like i'm in a funk. i'm not sure if i'm in a funk or not, but i'm perpetrating like i am. i'm tired; i don't want to go out, i don't want to go to class. i don't want to do anything. it's sad.

so i had rotation interviews on monday. they went well, even though one of them already backed out. i have options, don't get me wrong, but i don't know where to go. i don't know what to do. i meet with my director tomorrow to see what options i have left.

i was riding the shuttle the other day, when a pair of loud undergraduates (and you always know they're undergraduates... or med students), started talking about the avian flu. how could i possibly hear their conversation if i was jamming loudly with my i.pod? yes, they were that loud. "i mean, who cares about the bird flu... oh boo hoo,' the girl sitting next to me shouts. and this is what really irks me about people... non-scientist people. if you don't know what you're talking about, don't talk about it. i was seriously thinking about taking off my earphone and laying some knowledge on her spoiled self about what the avian flu is really all about, but then i figured that she would probably be one of the first to catch it (she looks like she eats chicken) and wouldn't know the first thing to do and die out of her own ignorance. i don't mean to sound harsh. and the deal is that avian flu probably won't hit anytime soon, but it will and it can mutate into something bad. you don't have to panic about it, but at least educate yourself.

just had a serious case of deja vu right now. about this entry, the chicken, the girl sitting next to me and the guy walking by outside the library. it's so weird because i remember the dream, but i don't know why i had it.

last week, i had a serious craving for chee.secake factory. i really had to go. called up some people and caught Y just as he was leaving work. actually, to tell the truth, i have been avoiding Y since his whole breakup with his girl. i don't know if it's out of crispy's teasing (instigator!) or my own paranoia. maybe i shouldn't try to explain. at the last minute, i tried to get out of it, but my craving for cheesecake was just too strong. during supper (it was too early to be dinner), we started talking about LS and Y was telling me about how he went to one of his bible studies. it was a good conversation about religion, belief, faith and church people (sometimes...). the brother has some serious issues with his parents that i can't even begin to crack. it's unfortunate.

had to call bbq the other day and ask him someting on behalf of someone else (read: don't ask). so apparently, he's leaving for the south for 7-8 months; work is sending him down there. this is his last weekend in md for awhile. when he was going to tell me this, i don't know. i don't think he would of if i didn't call him. what kind of friend is that? and i think that's the main irritant in our friendship; the fact that he never tells me anything. i'm not saying offer secrets to me or anything, but we've known each other for seven years. converse with me man! "maybe i'll see you on the metro again," he said. i scoffed.

talking about frienships gone awry, since our last spat, T and i haven't been talking much. i think he figures by not talking to me, he won't aggravate me, so i haven't been pushing.
it's funny how so many disagreements and fights usually stem from misunderstandings. i'm seeing it alot around me. people don't want to take the time to think and then admit that maybe they were wrong.

my book obsession continues. i went to borders near the end of last month and ended up spending $100 on books... $100! i almost fainted at the register. and i really had to pay for it; my credit card bill is outrageous. i told myself that i couldn't go back into another bookstore until my birthday (if i could hold out that long). but alas, timon called me yesterday, asking if i could pick up opedipus rex for him (he goes to public school and they can't supply these books anymore? what has our country come to?!). i thought i could handle it, but that was a mistake. i just picked up two extra books, one that i wanted and another than i just saw... sometimes that's all it takes... i just see the book and i'm buying it. for some people it's shoes, others clothes, for me, it's books. will post picture of new purchases later.

anyways, i'm waiting for this class that i really don't want to go to. i wish i could go home. but i spent the money to park the car and take the train up here, so i figure i should just go and not waste all that (cos you know i don't pay for the class). that's what i've been telling myself all day... all week actually. after the interviews, i ended up driving to school (since i got out so late, if i took the train + shuttle, i wouldn't make it to class). man, people can't drive in dc! gah! but i guess i shouldn't complain; i'm your typical md driver, except i use turn signals. anyways, i didn't have a hard time finding parking and since i wasn't too early or too late, i didn't spend alot on the meter. i was trying to calculate in my head if it was really worth it driving. 28 minutes later (which is soo much shorter than the typical hour i spend commuting), sans a eight of a tank and my sanity, i started to appreciate the joy of public transportation. i think if i drove to school everyday, my car along with my sanity (i'm telling you: people in dc cannot drive!) would break down by the end of the semester. and i'll spend more money filling the tank than i ever would putting in on my smartrip card.

anyways. class beckons and i must heed the call. later.

peace.