soundtrak: bent: beautiful otherness
i was just thinking and this memory popped in my head. it comforted me. from better times...
from march 2003:
soundtrack: dj shadow: what does your soul look like (part one)
i started writing this last night, but i sorta fell asleep on my bed and woke up @ 2 in the morning, lights and computer still on. pardon my strange sleeping pattern. this all happened wednesday, for dating sake
today was like summer. i had my interview @ johns hopkins; it lasted several hours... yes, several hours and by 30 past noon, i was walking back to my sauna-like car. i didn't want to pay to go through the tunnel again, so i took eastern all the way to the inner harbor and got to on 95 near the ballpark. passing through little italy, my window was down and my jay-z/ll cool j glasses were on. today is like summer, i decided, looking at the bustling crosswalks, women in suits & sneaks and men with nothing else better to do than to roam the streets in the middle of the day.
by the time i got back to the apartment, it was 30 minutes before my study group with D. the interior was cool and untouched; it seemed that nobody had been there for days, even though everybody promised that they would come back by the middle of the week. with no laptop, i switched between soaps and left promtly at 1:30. locking the door, i began to walk up the path, paused, turned around and unlocked the door. i don't know who said it, but somebody said that it was going to rain. i got my umbrella. i locked the door again and went on my way to the library.
now that i know where bbq lives, i can't help to look over towards his apt. whenever i walk to campus. before i could look over, i could hear the soft notes of a saxophone. i stop and smile; D won't mind if i'm a couple of minutes late. the front door was wide open and a strong wave of curry hit me as i walked in. his roommate, my former stalker, av was lounging on the couch. things are better between us now; we can hold a conversation without me desperately looking around, trying to find a way to run away. we exchange words and i walk over to bbq's door. he's still playing those notes. i knock. 'come in,' he replies. i don't think he knew it was me. i turn the knob and open the door.
"hey," i say.
"hey," he says back.
"i could hear your playing outside," i start. and our banter begins.
"you look nice," he comments.
"oh. i had an interview." i lean into the frame of the doorway. his room was a mess. we talk about music, finding time to play our instruments, graduating. and other things, which he always perfers not to talk about.
"i should go. D is probably waiting for me," i finally say.
"yeah," he says, half-questioning, half a statement.
and then there's silence. he looks at me like.... i don't even know how to describe it. i look at him. and we're looking at each other. and his face changes, like he finally got the point that i had been trying to express all along.
"i'll talk to you later," i bow out and close the door to his room. let him marinate on that. i find my own way out and continue my trek to campus.
**
today (being thursday) was quite productive. i emailed the people i should of emailed earlier in the week, did some schoolwork and got paid. spring break is over.
i should be hearing from JH in about two weeks. it seems like a good place to work, the people are young (under 30) and they have great benefits. i just don't want to feel like this is it, you know? it's a nice place to settle, but i don't want to settle. i want to get my PhD. i want to do more.
anyways, i gotta cook. more later.
peace.
peace.
i was just thinking and this memory popped in my head. it comforted me. from better times...
from march 2003:
soundtrack: dj shadow: what does your soul look like (part one)
i started writing this last night, but i sorta fell asleep on my bed and woke up @ 2 in the morning, lights and computer still on. pardon my strange sleeping pattern. this all happened wednesday, for dating sake
today was like summer. i had my interview @ johns hopkins; it lasted several hours... yes, several hours and by 30 past noon, i was walking back to my sauna-like car. i didn't want to pay to go through the tunnel again, so i took eastern all the way to the inner harbor and got to on 95 near the ballpark. passing through little italy, my window was down and my jay-z/ll cool j glasses were on. today is like summer, i decided, looking at the bustling crosswalks, women in suits & sneaks and men with nothing else better to do than to roam the streets in the middle of the day.
by the time i got back to the apartment, it was 30 minutes before my study group with D. the interior was cool and untouched; it seemed that nobody had been there for days, even though everybody promised that they would come back by the middle of the week. with no laptop, i switched between soaps and left promtly at 1:30. locking the door, i began to walk up the path, paused, turned around and unlocked the door. i don't know who said it, but somebody said that it was going to rain. i got my umbrella. i locked the door again and went on my way to the library.
now that i know where bbq lives, i can't help to look over towards his apt. whenever i walk to campus. before i could look over, i could hear the soft notes of a saxophone. i stop and smile; D won't mind if i'm a couple of minutes late. the front door was wide open and a strong wave of curry hit me as i walked in. his roommate, my former stalker, av was lounging on the couch. things are better between us now; we can hold a conversation without me desperately looking around, trying to find a way to run away. we exchange words and i walk over to bbq's door. he's still playing those notes. i knock. 'come in,' he replies. i don't think he knew it was me. i turn the knob and open the door.
"hey," i say.
"hey," he says back.
"i could hear your playing outside," i start. and our banter begins.
"you look nice," he comments.
"oh. i had an interview." i lean into the frame of the doorway. his room was a mess. we talk about music, finding time to play our instruments, graduating. and other things, which he always perfers not to talk about.
"i should go. D is probably waiting for me," i finally say.
"yeah," he says, half-questioning, half a statement.
and then there's silence. he looks at me like.... i don't even know how to describe it. i look at him. and we're looking at each other. and his face changes, like he finally got the point that i had been trying to express all along.
"i'll talk to you later," i bow out and close the door to his room. let him marinate on that. i find my own way out and continue my trek to campus.
**
today (being thursday) was quite productive. i emailed the people i should of emailed earlier in the week, did some schoolwork and got paid. spring break is over.
i should be hearing from JH in about two weeks. it seems like a good place to work, the people are young (under 30) and they have great benefits. i just don't want to feel like this is it, you know? it's a nice place to settle, but i don't want to settle. i want to get my PhD. i want to do more.
anyways, i gotta cook. more later.
peace.
peace.
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