soundtrak: bent: so long without you

to tell you the truth, for the past couple of weeks, i've been in a really crappy mood. this past week was probably one of the worst. i didn't know how i was going to feel going to nic and beau's wedding, but i dragged myself and went anyways (because i know nic would kick my *ss if i didn't go; i'm hard to miss).
and i guess that's what i needed all along. the wedding was beautiful (and short; nic does know best). driving to the reception (which was in downtown bmore; looking out from the hotel, you could see all of the city... i kinda miss it), i got to catch up with rotisserie, who i haven't seen in forever. i'm happy for her and the boy with their engagement. even though i feel the boy has some reservations about it all, i know he really loves her and they really do belong together. the same with nic and beau too. and i wish i could find something like that. you know, when everything just clicks.
mg was my pseudo date. for some reason, everybody kept on putting us together (like the old lady that suggested mg take me out on the dance floor instead of allowing me to sit all night... which he did). it was nice; mg always makes me feel better about me.
yacked it up with D (who completely missed the ceremony... and he lives in baltimore too; but it was in such D fashion.), making fun of his 'polite pimpish' ways. but i was able to talk about my issues with school and work during pre-reception. and it just felt like this huge burden was lifted from my shoulders. D is a good listener and he always gives great advice. same with mg. it's good to have people like that on your side, you know.

JK was also there. same old JK, what can i say.

the best part was when during the bouquet toss, nic made the dj call my name (because you know i really wasn't trying to go up there to catch anything). after the toss (which i did not catch, thank you very much!), nic came over and hugged me, "if you didn't walk up, i was going to walk over there and hand you the bouquet myself!" ha! that's my girl!

and even right now, i can't help but smile. the laughter and the love are infectious and long lasting. it was just what i needed. i can't wait till we hang out again. much love to my biochem crew.

anyways. off from work this week, so i'm studying for finals. pray for a sista.

peace.

soundtrak: the radio.blog

new radio blog up. i just got that bent album and i'm loving it. so long without you lyrics make it sound like a country song, but i like the song overall. and badly drawn boy from back in the day (and currently too).

enjoy.

peace.

soundtrak: bent: beautiful otherness

tgif list:

- this week has been rough. the semester is ending and i have alot to do at work. i'm genotyping for this knockout mutant murine model that i think i'll be working on for my project. because of classes, i have to stay late to try to progress on that. because of my schedule next semester, i'll be spending alot of time in lab this summer trying to get my dissertation project started. i need to start looking for profs for my dissertation committee too. ugh.
- i just found out this week that our medical school chaplain (i do go to a catholic school...) passed away. i remember when i first started here, i felt so lost; i didn't know what was going on. i think he knew that sometimes students (especially medical students) just need somebody to talk to and somebody to pray for them, you know? he understood what us students went through; not only was he an ordained priest, he earned a doctorate as well. he was always standing outside in the hallway and would always say hi to me when i passed by. soon, i would stop and talk with him, telling him about my troubles with trying to get into this PhD program (he said that i would get in and he was right...) and then looking for a lab and funding. he prayed for me, but i never got the chance to tell him that i did get my funding.
- i looked up my high school friend's obituary this week. it was so sad. she earned her mba just a year ago and was very successful. it seemed that her sister's suicide devistated her. she killed herself on the anniversary of her sister's suicide. why do people keep on dying?
- soundtrak: this is a really nice song. when i update radio.blog, i'll put it up. i can't stop listening to it.
- once again, my credit card bill is out of control. i'm scared of signing on my account and looking at the damage.
- i got gas two days ago. $31 and i didn't even fill the tank. it's depressing. apparently, dc has the second highest gas prices in the nation.

that's it. on to class.

peace.

soundtrak: bent: beautiful otherness

i was just thinking and this memory popped in my head. it comforted me. from better times...

from march 2003:

soundtrack: dj shadow: what does your soul look like (part one)

i started writing this last night, but i sorta fell asleep on my bed and woke up @ 2 in the morning, lights and computer still on. pardon my strange sleeping pattern. this all happened wednesday, for dating sake

today was like summer. i had my interview @ johns hopkins; it lasted several hours... yes, several hours and by 30 past noon, i was walking back to my sauna-like car. i didn't want to pay to go through the tunnel again, so i took eastern all the way to the inner harbor and got to on 95 near the ballpark. passing through little italy, my window was down and my jay-z/ll cool j glasses were on. today is like summer, i decided, looking at the bustling crosswalks, women in suits & sneaks and men with nothing else better to do than to roam the streets in the middle of the day.

by the time i got back to the apartment, it was 30 minutes before my study group with D. the interior was cool and untouched; it seemed that nobody had been there for days, even though everybody promised that they would come back by the middle of the week. with no laptop, i switched between soaps and left promtly at 1:30. locking the door, i began to walk up the path, paused, turned around and unlocked the door. i don't know who said it, but somebody said that it was going to rain. i got my umbrella. i locked the door again and went on my way to the library.

now that i know where bbq lives, i can't help to look over towards his apt. whenever i walk to campus. before i could look over, i could hear the soft notes of a saxophone. i stop and smile; D won't mind if i'm a couple of minutes late. the front door was wide open and a strong wave of curry hit me as i walked in. his roommate, my former stalker, av was lounging on the couch. things are better between us now; we can hold a conversation without me desperately looking around, trying to find a way to run away. we exchange words and i walk over to bbq's door. he's still playing those notes. i knock. 'come in,' he replies. i don't think he knew it was me. i turn the knob and open the door.
"hey," i say.
"hey," he says back.
"i could hear your playing outside," i start. and our banter begins.
"you look nice," he comments.
"oh. i had an interview." i lean into the frame of the doorway. his room was a mess. we talk about music, finding time to play our instruments, graduating. and other things, which he always perfers not to talk about.
"i should go. D is probably waiting for me," i finally say.
"yeah," he says, half-questioning, half a statement.
and then there's silence. he looks at me like.... i don't even know how to describe it. i look at him. and we're looking at each other. and his face changes, like he finally got the point that i had been trying to express all along.
"i'll talk to you later," i bow out and close the door to his room. let him marinate on that. i find my own way out and continue my trek to campus.

**
today (being thursday) was quite productive. i emailed the people i should of emailed earlier in the week, did some schoolwork and got paid. spring break is over.
i should be hearing from JH in about two weeks. it seems like a good place to work, the people are young (under 30) and they have great benefits. i just don't want to feel like this is it, you know? it's a nice place to settle, but i don't want to settle. i want to get my PhD. i want to do more.

anyways, i gotta cook. more later.
peace.


peace.

soundtrak: badly drawn boy: once around the block

whenever i get agitated, exasperated or frustrated, i shut down and turn in on myself. i don't talk, i don't do, i just ...

anyways, these past couple of weeks haven't been too great for me. please don't try to cheer me up. i feel crap-tastic!

the semester ends in two weeks. nic's wedding is in two weeks. summer is already here.

peace.

soundtrak: coldplay: the hardest part

about two years ago, one of timon's friends committed suicide by throwing herself onto a busy street. at the time, it was hard to explain to timon why somebody would do this.
just last week, my friend from high school committed suicide. i just found out today. i can't believe that it took me so long to put the two together. i remember talking with her, talking about our siblings who were the same age; my brother and her sister.

how do you console someone who lost a family member by their own choice? and now, how to console parents who lost their children by their own choice?

i can't think right now.

peace.

soundtrak: mingle: 11 minutes

(click on individual tile for full picture)

i don't have time to write, but i don't want to write a list. i ended up having an appointment with my accountant last thursday afternoon in adams morgan, so after class i decided to go down to the tidal basin and see the cherry blossoms. it was cool. i got alot of good pictures. did alot of walking around dc too. after that day, i was tired.

update radio.blog too. lots of new, random stuff, so enjoy. 11 minutes is stuck in my head; will my 10 year reunion be like that?

will update when i get the time.

peace.