soundtrak: nightmares on wax: african pirates (troubleman remix)

i'm just tired today. i did a significant amount of work today and managed to leave early. my wrist is almost back to the point where i never had a problem with it. i'm grateful.

this weekend was good. i met massander. i would be the first person to tell you that i don't meet people that i know solely on the web, but i figured i would give it a try. he's cool peoples. and i do need to make new friends since my old college ones seem to flake out on me alot. anyways, i was in borders and i bought some books (that i clearly don't need), then caught a movie: the illusionist. it was ok; beautifully shot and well-acted, but the story felt blah. i guess that's why i don't read mysteries: i figure out everything well in advance. so i pretty much put everything together before they did. after that, i went back into borders and got some more books. hmm.
later that evening, i was supposed to meet a bunch of friends, which only turned out to be abbs, crispy and a special guest appearance by JK and friend. i was disappointed, mostly just because nobody bothered to call back and say "hey, i can't make it." it's lame. we ate at a thai place around there, then went back to borders, where i proceeded to buy even more stuff. i'm signed up for the borders rewards program; everytime you spend $50 or more, you get a personal shopping day (like 20% off your whole purchase or whatever). yeah.... i earned two of those in one day. i knew i had a problem when i was pointing at books to abbs and crispy in the fiction section, showing them books that i've bought but haven't read yet.
later, sitting outside, enjoying the last of summer, i confessed that the reason why i probably bought so many books was because i haven't written one of my own. it's still in the back of my head mocking me, but the pressings of work and church and school are constant and immediate, so i never seem to get around to it. and i'm lazy too. i don't know if i really want to try... there's just too much to do right now.

classes start tomorrow. i'm excited, but leery. there is no good wayto get to gu and then back home; driving, by bus or by train.. i do hate commuting. and then just today, i started to think of the textbooks that i would have to buy (i just started to think about it...). ugh. i'm only taking two classes and a lab. lab won't start until october. i think we'll be TA'ing medical students... lovely.

anyways, i guess i should go get ready for tomorrow.

peace.

soundtrak: london elektricity: do you believe

since i'm constantly making list (really, i am... i'm writing one right now) and i'm constantly listening to music, i came up with this idea:

list down friends and/or family members, one or two songs that you associate with them and why (or not). then list 5-7 songs that you associate with yourself and why. pass around to said family and/or friends and ask them to do the same (or not):

The Music Relationship List:

T: Maxwell: Lifetime; Corrine Bailey Rae: Like A Star (that's just the way he is)
bbq: John Coltrane: Everytime We Say Goodbye (it feels like we're always saying goodbye... or at least i am)
crispy: Ernset Saint Laurent: Clumsey Lobster (from Ian Pooley's Nite: Life06) (this is just a fun upbeat song to listen to, to dance to; it reminds me of crispy's energy sometimes: wild and untamed)
jam: Vikter Duplaix: I Got You (i know jam always has my back, no matter what)
Y: Oasis: Talk Tonight (we always have something to talk about, even when we're not talking. we practically grew up together but we know so much about each other because we share so often)
B.: Oasis: Married with Children (we really did have a miserable time together; a miserable relationship (which makes me wonder why i still talk to him? maybe i enjoy the miserablness...); you love him but hate the things he does)
mg: Coldplay: Parachutes (he would do that for me)
nic, the boy, D: Oasis: Stand By Me (friends that always stand by me; we all stand by each other)
the new B.: Daft Punk: Something About Us (one day during our many marathon biochem study sessions, new B. borrowed my mp3 player. after about an hour, he told me that he had this song on repeat the whole time and that it reminded him of me. it's our song)
MT: De La Soul: Eye Know (i was in my old lab listening to this song when MT asked if it was de la soul. "eye know?" he asked. and we both smiled. we have a funky good friendship.)

timon: Modest Mouse: Float On (this song reminds me of Timon's spirit: carefree, a bit reckless... ahh youth!)
al: Rashaan Patterson: The Best (this song is kinda sad, but it more reminds me of how we, as older siblings and offspring, bring out the best in each other. we make each other better that way)


marcus: Armand Van Helden: Flowerz (i remember when i first heard this song, it was on marcus' site and he absolutely loved it... so everytime i play it, i think of you man)
jeff: Gnarls Barkley: Smiley Faces (i know we were just talking about this song the other day, but it reminds me of you, of your spirit: genuinely looking our for others)
gerald: Handsome Boy Modeling School: So... How's Your Girl (the only person I will give an entire album too..)

me (chi):

1. London Elektricity: Do You Believe (a bit mellow and passionate; even though it doesn't appear that way sometimes, i think it describes me somewhat)
2. Rae + Christian ft. The Congos: Hold Us Down (never, never, never, gonna hold me down! the lyric "learn the lesson from the back of your hand"
reminds me to keep the morals that i learned from my parents and my culture... and that my family always has my back, so nothing can hold me down)
3. Coldplay: Yellow (i really care about people alot, sometimes above myself)
4. High Contrast: Passion (my passion and drive to live my dreams)
5. Nightmares on Wax: How Ya Doin' (this song is about absolutely nothing... i bet when they recorded it, they were just having fun. it's silly like i can be.)

peace

soundtrak: nightmares on wax: damn

as my doctor walked me out to the lobby this monday after my appointment, he mentioned to me that the best thing that i could do about my situation is to not become frustrated. so i went back to lab and was nearly at the brink of tears, i'm so frustrated with this whole thing.
they recommended that i go through physical therapy to help me with the tendonitis. i have really been debating about this. i used to go to physical therapy for my disability, but it really didn't do me any good. so i became that person that didn't want any help.
despite everybody's kindness, it only made me more frustrated. despite my disability, it's amazing how one tendon made me feel so helpless.

thankfully, my wrist is getting better and so is my mood (thanks damon, marcus and jeff). dr. a is going on vacation til wednesday, so lab is going to be more rambunctious that usual. this weekend is going to be even better. meeting new people and old friends. i'm really excited.
long story short, my friend in lab is meeting LS because she has a serious crush on the motivational speaker. i told her that LS is crazy, but apparently, his crazy is only something that you can experience. thing is LS doesn't know that said friend and i work together. it has just lead to insane laughter for the past two weeks or so. because you gotta have fun at work, right?

whm and i went to gu this tuesday to talk to our department head about guidelines and expectations as PhD students. i felt so embarassed; he was so prepared and i was so aloof about it. it was whm's idea to go together, but i think it was probably better that way instead of trying to talk about separate meetings later. lots of crap we have to do; meetings and etc. we have to take comps this spring, so that's just going to be lovely.

and i'm out.

soundtrak: lemon jelly: come

sunday's list/'who gives a damn' list:

- on thursday, i was diagnosed with chronic tendinitis in my right wrist of unknown origins (it wasn't carpel tunnel or pipeter's hand). i had to wear a brace for three days; i couldn't work, i couldn't drive... it felt like i couldn't do anything. it sucked. it's feeling better now, it just aches a little. i have an appointment tomorrow morning to look into treatment for it.
- had a graduate program meeting on thursday (let's just say driving was interesting, considering i drive manual). i don't know why i always feel like an outsider at these things; like i don't belong.
- i guess i'm just feeling like an outsider these days.
- added a new song to radio.blog; who really gives a damn?

peace.

soundtrak: clara hill: restless times



(spicy spring onion rice noodles.. yum; and you know i don't like soup either, so it must have tasted real good)

tuesday's list:

- this goes out to the guy that tried to holler at me while driving on the other side of the three lane road today, at 50 mph: no, i'm not giving you my phone number (why can't i get hit on by a nice guy?)
- one of the biologists in my lab said that my presentation wasn't as bad as i thought. i think she was just being nice. i know i can do so much better than that.
- wow. i just had a revelation. and things seem to make better sense now.
- this list is short. writing crap cos i can.

peace.

soundtrak: bent: an ordinary day

sunday's list:

- this past week has been bad. really bad. but it's over and we're trying to put it all in the past and move on. for reasons only known to those there, my arms are still bruised and there's still a bump on my head. it's hard to explain to people that it really hurts when when they grab me by the arm or playfully hit me. these past days have been physically tiring. i haven't slept and my work has been suffering. of course, this weekend, i've been doing 'work'; it's like i can't catch a break.
- despite all the stuff going on, i couldn't avoid my proposal presentation on friday. we had been delaying it for a month now. it was bad. it was one of the worst presentations i ever gave ever. despite my notes, i didn't know what i wanted to say, my slides looked foreign to me and the blank stares from the room weren't helping. it wasn't a learning experience or anything like that. i just wasn't in the right state of mind and i went up there knowing that. *sigh* at least it's over.
- the thought of classes looming and commuting and studying is enough to make me sick. the only joy is knowing that this is my last semester and then i can work as a thesis student. and get my degree already.
- timon starts college in two weeks. it's crazy to think that we'll both graduate at the same time (oh, no doubt, i'm getting my doctorate at 30).
- the last movie that i saw in movie theatres was fanta.stic four (which was fantastically bad). this week i saw supe.rman returns. it wasn't bad, but it wasn't great. action is always good, (for me at least) but the story/plot was lacking. a lot of movies these days are not worth my $7.50 or even $4.99... sometimes i tell myself, "i'll wait for it to come out on cable." that's sad.
- for the poor graduate student: free outdoor movies; abbs and i are going to try to catch one.
- in college, i used to be physically fit. and then i graduated and gained 70lbs within the course of a year. i am proud to say that that currently i have lost all that poundage and am back at my college weight after 8 months. not so bad, if i do say so myself.
- new radio.blog: i haven't put it up yet, but i will by the end of the day/evening. it's short, but that's my current list.
- ok. i need to take a nap for real. later.

***
addendum:

- new radio.blog up. new album: mylo. i like. and high contrast at the end; to you: love hurts sometimes.
- i bought that new sims 2 expansion pack; only the best for my sims (wow, i'm sad)

peace.

soundtrak: coldplay: the hardest part

i come with the truth, whole truth and nothing but
'cause the truth hurts just as much as fuckin' with lies will..

and the truth is you can't hide from the truth
and the truth hurts because the truth is all there is

my day was good. not great, but good. and then i came home and i learned the truth. the truth does hurt and now everything is turned upside down. why am i being punished for searching for the truth and telling it? i feel numb. i feel sick. i can't even think right now.

"[the meaning of this song:] this is a truth you'd never want to hide from."

peace.

You Betta Know A District!



if you haven't watched this, you have to. hilarious.


peace.

soundtrak: silence

the week's list:

- the week started off quick, but then slowly ground to a halt around tuesday evening. it was too hot to do anything, even work (even though it feels like i work in the north pole, lab is so cold sometimes)
- there was a major dilemma in lab today. i'm not going to go into it because it involves other people, but it ended up that our summer student (who is in high school, mind you) became very upset. i went to go use the bathroom, when one of the biologists from the other lab stopped me and asked, "is that girl in your lab?" "huh," i was throughly confused. "she's crying," she continued. i was about ready to turn around and head to the other bathroom down the hall (i really wasn't trying to deal with somebody i don't know crying), but then i realized that it was probably the summer student. i found her and we went and talked for awhile. she just had to get alot of things off her chest. i can say from experience, working in a lab as a high school student and now as a graduate student, sometimes it's easy to forget that the person is so young. sometimes, people just need to know that they have support; that somebody cares. after she finished, i told her that what didn't kill her would make her stronger. i know it sounds kinda harsh, but it's true. the science world is not a nice place, especially as a young, african (minority) woman. i really had to form a second skin and let stupid comments (made by stupid people)) roll off my back. i mean, it was so much other stuff too, but that's all i'll share.
- other news from lab: my experiments worked this week, i ended up not doing my presentation this friday (again! ugh!), i finished most of my paperwork for work and school (trust, there is always paperwork to do) and today (i'm so proud of myself)... today, i made my first genuine hypothesis, all by myself. it's amazing to see all my training, all the classes i've taken and all the information i've learned and just *use* them. you always think it's going to be harder before you get to that point, but you're surprised at how *effortless* it all is. i don't know; it was a pretty cool moment.
- i have recently discovered pandora, a music discovery service/program/project created by the music genome project. you give them an artist, which they have already characterized by type such as "drum n' bass rhythm" or "use of modal harmonies", and they play music similar to the types picked. they rely on feedback from all users so that they can make new suggestions. i didn't think that they would be too good, but i'm really surprised. i like the songs that they picked derived from london elektricity, blue six, high contrast and ian pooley. they also have a link that takes you directly to the song on itunes or amazon or to even ask why they picked that song.. i have already downloaded a couple of new songs... you know i'm a d'n'b girl by heart. highly recommended.
- i don't know what's going on with this blog template. the site looks fine on firefox on my pc, but on my mac, it looks a hot mess. and then it was all messed up for a week or so. i couldn't figure it out. i feel like changing this template, but i'm too lazy. i think i want to buy a domain, but i wonder if i'll even have time to update it. i already need to be working on my church's website and we don't even have webspace for that yet. ugh!
- i'm (kinda) reading a really cool book; it's called indecision; i picked it up randomly at the bookstore (not before putting it back down first; i picked it up again, so i had to have it) and tried to read it in florida. even though i haven't gotten far (time, i tell you, no time), i just really like the way it's written. the first three chapters already have great quotes to quote. maybe when school starts back up and when i'm taking the train, i'll find the time (if not sleeping or reading something science related... ugh!)
- actually, despite the fact that i went to florida, my finances have been really good this past month. i really avoided the bookstore, so my credit card bill this month went waaay down. i need to be saving money.

anyways, i need to go to sleep. have a great weekend. only half of my weekend will be great: i gotta go into lab this sunday. fab-u-lous!

peace.