Delusions of Grandeur has moved here.

peace.

in transition

***

24 january 2007

soundtrak: u2: i still haven't found what i'm looking for

i'm still in transition... hopefully to here soon. i haven't been blogging much only because i'm not sure what i want to say right now. i'm not in a good place right now as i type this. but i'm sure that soon will pass.
i added back archives for those who asked. i don't know if you really want to read what i wrote when i was 21 and still in college, but hey, to each his own poison, right? also, along with radio.blog, a new playlist (handpicked by yours truly) from fine tune. enjoy.

i'm around.

peace.

soundtrak: adamski: one of the people

for reference: 2005 in review

2006 in review:

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? err... let me come back to this one
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Did I make any resolutions… I think I kept them though, but there’s always room for more improvement

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? yes
4. Did anyone close to you die? yes
5. What countries did you visit? ha! i didn't go nowhere! (same response as last year! [I wrote that last year… dude, it’s the same!])
6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? confidence.
7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? no date in particular...
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? successfully finishing PhD classes… yay!
9. What was your biggest failure? ehh...
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Surprisingly no… that’s what I get for being vegan…
11. What was the best thing you bought? my new video iPod (wee!)
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? mine?
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Mine… and others…
14. Where did most of your money go? books, books and more books (same as last year…)
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? losing all my post college weight… yeah!
16. What song will always remind you of 2006? the song that was on heavy rotation this year: london elektricity: do you believe
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
- i. happier or sadder? i think it's evened out
- ii. thinner or fatter? THINNER!! YAY!!
- iii. richer or poorer? poorer… I started to pay rent…
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? concentrating on things... important things... (same as last year!) [written last year; still the same]
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? making excuses to myself
20. Did you fall in love in 2005? ha! no... [same as last year]
21. How many one-night stands? ha! i laugh at this question... no (same as last year) [same]
22. What was your favorite TV program? lost (that show is hot!; same as last year!) [same]; gray’s anatomy (thank you for getting me hooked on that show (note the sarcasm…), my name is earl, the office
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? hate is such a strong word... dislike, yes... but no names... (same as last year!)
24. What was the best book you read? the man of my dreams by curtis sittenfeld (don’t get it twisted… it’s not about getting a man… look it up and read the description)
25. What was your greatest musical discovery? the russian futurists (I knew about them before, but their stuff just became available to me)
26. What did you want and get? a video iPod
27. What did you want and not get? another computer [same as last year]
28. What was your favorite film of this year? The Prestige; you gotta watch it.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 26; I didn’t do anything… I was too busy with classes and lab (how sad is that?)
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? don't know... [same]
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? slumin': jeans, pullovers, sneaks, tshirts.. (same as last year!) [same]
32. What kept you sane? music (same as last year!) [same]
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? ha! none (same as last year!)
34. What political issue stirred you the most? Too busy to deal with capitol hill…
35. Whom did you miss? crispy; although, we’ve hung out a couple of times, there’s still a void…
36. Who was the best new person you met? massander
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006: nobody keeps a damn about you; give a damn about yourself: it sounds harsh, but you can't go out and expect people to care about you... wouldn't that be nice. especially in this society, you gotta go out and scream for what you want.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "when i wake up, why wake up's what i'm wondering but i still try" - the russian futurists: still life

peace.

soundtrak: fan modine: we are all decades

in my wallet:
(tagged by J.)

i do have a wallet. i'm one of the few women that don't carry a purse. i hate them.

- md driver's licence
- umbc school id (you never know...)
- gu insurance card
- work (current) insurance card
- 2 borders reward cards (like i'm not in there enough...)
- debit card
- platinum card
- macy's card
- bally's fitness membership card
- blockbuster card
- mom's business card
- Y's business card
- car wash coupon (the lady gives me a new one everytime i go... customer love!)
- movie ticket stubs to 'the prestige' (very good) and 'the holiday'
- $21

what's your wallet?

@ random:

- i've been really tired lately. to the point where i'm starting to get worried about it. i'll sleep for 14 hours a night, take naps and it seems that i still can't get enough sleep. today, i was talking to a family friend and he was like, "don't you have anemia." and i can't believe that i even forgot about that. usually i'm good with the iron, but my diet has been all over the place. i hate taking iron supplements, but i gotta do what i gotta do.
- my back has also been bothering me; my whole back, but mostly lower. i haven't worked out at all this week. i wish i had somebody to rub it for me.
- i may be quick and intelligent even in some areas, but in others, i'm slow and clueless as dirt. that's really starting to catch up with me. that and the whole foot-in-mouth phenomenon.

peace.

soundtrak: björk: i go humble/fan modine: we are the decades

typical thursday's list:

- i woke up mad late this morning (which is becoming a very bad habit) and i rushed to get ready for work. i looked frantically for my badge, in my bag, in my coat pockets, around my room (which is a mess; things just get buried), in the kitchen, then finally my car, which came up empty. i cursed myself because i realized that i would have to go through security inspection (let me not get me started about that because i could go on forever...). so i sped to work (why are there slow people out so early in the morning? go back to bed!) and it took 20 minutes to go through security (you have to get out and go through the metal detector, they througholgy search your car and do a 'quick' background check on you before they let you pass... it's annoying as hell and i'm sure i could give them a few pointers on how to streamline... you see, i've started... i can't believe Y was ever willing to go through that to pick me up). anyways, after some searching, i realized that i would have to alert the work police (yes, we have our own police and fire department) that i lost my badge since i have access to 'sensitive' areas in two separate buildings. set up my experiments to run and went downstairs to get a new id. the guy was so depressing (i mean, i would be too if i just did that all day), i didn't smile for my new picture and i'm trying to figure out if it looks worse than my original picture, but in my original picture, my hair was a jacked up mess... and anything is better than that. my facial expression is like: i'm going to be here for another 4 years?
- talking about speeding, i was coming back from work yesterday when i almost got hit by a van. the only reason why i'm so upset about it is because not only did the guy not use a turn signal (i mean, i'll cut you off, but i'll always let you know...), after i beeped him, he proceeded to continue moving toward my car. if i didn't swerve, he would have hit my car.
he was all the way on the far right and then decided at the last minute that he needed to turn left at the intersection... i mean, THINK!! i was so pissed, i rolled down my window and started yelling... you know i would have gotten out the daggone car, but then i realized that i didn't want to get shot.
- yesterday, moms and i went to go see the holiday. it was pretty good; funnier than your average romantic comedy. usually, i watch movies on my days off because i don't like to watch with crowds, but it was nice yesterday with everybody laughing out loud. we had a snorter too, which was hilarious.
- just... well, not just... came back from columbia and the biochemistry crew + 4 people i didn't really know in college. "you look familiar." i kept on hearing. yeah, i was the girl that was always going to class, kept my head down and was mute for most of my time at umbc. hey wait! that's me now... how sad. :(. anyways, it was okay. nic enjoyed the presents i got for her and the baby: dr. seuss books for the baby (you know you gotta raise him right, said chi the super nerd): green eggs and ham and cat in the hat, and scrubs season 4, for the woman that got me hooked on scrubs. i love my nic.
- i haven't seen the boy in awhile, but when we asked each other what was up, we were both like, "school, work... you know." why ask to elaborate on something that you know so intimately anyway. tonight was supposed to be the time to really talk and catch up, but we always seem just to scratch the surface and nothing else. nic and i were talking about it as we were walking to our cars. rotisserie (his fiance and my longtime friend) is doing her residency in another state, while he was (key word) finishing up school in another state. but quietly and mysteriously, he moved back home to MD. why? who knows? what's he going to do next: go to where rotisserie is and try to find something. but he seems so unsure about it and this is not the first time that he has expressed (not to us of course, but to others that we know) doubt about his relationship. it's his first girlfriend and if it ain't broke, why fix it, right? but i guess there is also wonder to what else is out there. hmm. we're like these people on tv that are great friends and not until something dramatic happens, we don't realize the mess that's going on in our lives.
- i don't celebrate kwanzaa.
- we went out to eat at app.lebees. wtf? it's a great place to eat... if you're a meat eater (to which the boy resounds a rousing "YES!"). i never went there ever before. i ate the veggie burger, but it was stale. D doesn't listen when i say i can only eat certain places. that only grated on my nerves even more. the boy talked to me more than D did and the boy never talks to me. i don't know. i can't change people, i know, but i don't think i'm asking for much. welp, until next christmas.
-my back has been hurting this whole week, so T took it upon himself to give me advice on how to care for it. he's still on his sweet streak.
- and i'm done.

peace.

soundtrak: koop: summer sun (markus enochson remix)

mid-week hump list:

- i am so pissed with D right now, it's hard to be congenial on the phone. the biochemistry crew + 5 people i don't know are meeting up tomorrow. he always does this: always crams people in. the whole point of a get together is to catch up with each other. i'm really not trying to cause problems about it and just let it be. i know he already invited them, so what's the point in asking me what i think?
- i just misplaced my work id just now. after work today, i came home and checked my voicemail (i left my cell at home) and ran to nea and Y's mom's place just less than 30 minutes before nea left for the airport. that was fun. then talked to Y for a bit, then headed to the mall with the moms. we ended up catching a movie, which was fun. must spend time with the parental units to keep them appeased. anyways, the badge... it came off before we headed to the movies (we came home first), but i thought i slipped it in my coat pocket. well... at least i can take a better, less chubbier picture (bonus!). or maybe it's in the car.
- T is being especially sweet to me this week. i don't know; maybe because it's christmas. he's in a good mood or something. hey, i take what i can get.
- i skipped out on the gym this week, which is just bad.
- i just realized that naps put me in a bad mood. T asked how this was possible. i don't know. i became exhausted last night around 630, slept and woke up around 9. it was bad and i was off the rest of the night (1am). in fact, my sleep that evening was poor. naps are bad. T loves all the naps he takes.
- will post 2006 in review. i sense big changes coming this new year...

peace.

soundtrak: silence

tgif list:

- bacteriology final: it wasn't bad, but it wasn't great either. passable i think, but i have to wait and see. virology on monday; significantly easier and just trying to get through the material in time. then classes will be no more; i can hardly believe it.
- one of my friends is engaged to a man that she met about a month ago. it's a sordid tale that i'm really not going to get into. they're getting married at the end of spring. T gives it 6 months. i don't even think they'll make it to spring.
- wow. christmas is almost here. it doesn't really feel like anything to me; i'm not really excited about it. ehh.
- i don't think i mentioned this before. maybe i did. during the thankgiving break, at practice, jam came down from baltimore to visit JK and i (JK just happened to be at practice)... the context is not all that relevant. i hadn't seen jam in a while; a long while. and it was then when i realized that i missed him. i really, truely missed him. i wrote down when i came home that evening: his presence brings the assurance that i miss.
- do you know how it feels when you realize that something is going on that's been going on for awhile, but you're the last person to know, but it was thought or it was assumed that you knew what was going on the whole time? yeah... so that's where i am right now. it's strange. it's enligtening but damming all at the same time.
- and now, some quotes:

- "good to be lusted, but not to be trusted."

- "i write words 'cause these are the things i can't say but i'll sing to you
and i know that it's all a cop-out but my heart
it just pops out
of joint."

- "and we're so new and young like science
full of ideas and naive defiance
we'll lose it all with each passing fall
as our wake up call."

-" "... you don't seem like you need rescuing." is the depressing part that he's only half right - it's not that she doesn't need rescuing but that nobody else will be able to do it? she has always somehow known that she is the one who will have to rescue herself. or maybe what's depressing is that this knowledge seems like it should make life easier, and instead it makes it harder."

and i'm done. great weekends people.


peace.

soundtrak: london elektricity: my dreams

tgif list:

- loading paper into the copier this morning and i cut myself pretty badly.








... and this is why i carry a box of bandages with me; thanks spongebob
- i'm feeling overwhelmed with everything... and you know what happens when that happens: i don't get anything done. this week has been rather unproductive. i got my reagents that i ordered for my experiments, but i won't be able to do any work until the week after next week. i really need to focus and pass my finals.
- all i really feel like doing is working out; can you believe it, going to the gym is a joy now. working on interval running training as well as toning. that always worked the best for me.
- i'm looking forward to after christmas: i get to see the biochem crew (all of them) and meet with nea, Y's sister, and her husband, whom i've never met. working on the christmas shopping as well; i did most of that online, but i do have to go to the store eventually. so broke...

i suppose i should just go on hiatus now, even though it seems that i only write once a week anyway. will do a year-in-review.

peace and mahalo.

soundtrak: the russian futurists: the science of the seasons

world AIDS day was on friday. i wore my red, i have my badge. i keep my badge on my blog all year because AIDS doesn't just affect me one day of the year; it affects me everyday.

it's weird to say, but AIDS is my motivation. it's constantly on my back, reminding me of my family that has passed away and my family that is still suffering, waiting, hoping for a cure. i'm not in the science field because of AIDS, but it's a motivating factor. in class, the other day, we had a lecture about the HIV virus. as i was reminded how the virus evades the immune system and the drug therapies, a wave of sadness washed over me. wow, can we really stop this thing? as the students came up with suggestions of methods and treatments, our lecturer shot them down one by one, telling us why they wouldn't work.

but we're still working hard, we're still trying. we're still hoping. all we have is hope.


peace.

new radio blog up; in order, left to right, top to bottom:

1. clara hill :: that easy :: restless times
2. vikter duplaix :: morena :: international affairs
3. junior boys :: so this is goodbye :: so this is goodbye
4. london elektricity :: my dreams :: billion dollar gravy
5. aphex twin :: vordhosbn :: drukqs
6. hugh masekela + metro area :: mama (metro area birthday dub) :: verve remixed 2
7. gb :: look within :: soundtrack for sunrise
8. the russian futurists :: the science of seasons :: the method of modern love
9. the russian futurists :: still life :: our thickness
10. the russian futurists :: let's get ready to crumble :: let's get ready to crumble



enjoy (you know i do!)

peace.