soundtrak: klute :: problem reaction
- i was supposed to write some form of this entry two weeks ago, but it’s just a combination of laziness and lab work that i haven’t gotten around to it until now. and it’s in list form, i know… it sucks. but take it or leave it.
- we have a new student in the lab for the next nine months and we’re (jan and i) are starting to see some difficulty with working with her. she doesn’t read protocols (even when we ask her to), so she’s constantly asking us questions, since she’s not even paying attention to the experiment as we do it. in general, the girl just doesn’t listen. and if there’s nothing that i hate more are people that waste my time; if you’re not going to take my instruction, that’s fine… just don’t ask me any questions. i mean, it’s really got me thinking about it: why is it that her attention span is shorter than a fruit fly? the only thing that i can come up with is that it’s her generation (you early 20-somethings now). i was really trying to avoid coming up with this generalization because i know (personally) some very capable young adults, but i just don’t get it. there is no proactiveness at all, no common sense; they expect everything to be given to them. i don’t know… i feel like i’m not making too much sense and i need to sit on this revelation of mine and figure it out for a bit. but it’s annoying as hell; you’re an adult: grow the hell up.
- crispy has set me off the deep end this week. now that i think about it, i don’t think crispy and i have ever had any serious issues in our friendship… but fights are normal and healthy and necessary, so i welcome it. first, i felt she criticized me on the situation that is now going on between Y and i; i felt that her take on it was bitter and i could have done without the negativity. then, i found out that she never returned correspondence to a friend that i told that she was dependable. it was embarrassing because i put my name out there too, but i don’t know if she gets that. i’m so steamed at her right now, i can’t even talk to her right now. i’m sort of waiting to cool down, but i also don’t know what to say to her.
- i feel like Y is playing around with me, in the sense that he doesn’t know what he wants and he figures – hey, chi likes me, so i could get with that. this is one of the consequences that i was fearing would happen after i told him about my feelings for him. in all honesty, i think he lied when he said that he was in a ‘semi-serious’ relationship. after that dinner, we went out, in groups, to three separate outings, one being dinner and a movie with B. (deja vu anyone; how the hell did i end up back here?!). let’s just say some things happened and some things did not; so i’m left feeling perplexed and confused and stupid because i knew this was going to happen! the hell… i’m smarter than this shit! i’m just angry…
- talking about anger, the road rage has really been coming out lately. i have taken to actually having shouting matches with people. i know, i know… i’m trying to cull it, but it’s like the incredible hulk, i don’t know when it’s going to hit me.
- truthfully, i feel like i’ve been out of it; i barely interact with people, i stopped watching tv, i don’t write, i don’t study. i hate what i see in the mirror multiple times a day. i feel like i’m having mild anxiety attacks; it doesn’t feel like the world is coming to an end, but that my life infinitely sucks and there’s nothing i can do about it. which… is better than the full blown anxiety attacks that i’ve had in the past. progress people, progress.
- my dreams have slowed down somewhat, but i was having some wild, prophetic dreams a couple weeks ago. i think it’s because i don’t express myself with other outlets (or i don’t allow myself to) often and alot of my thought processes occur during my REM state. because i’m aware of this, i’m able process alot of the stuff that i’m going through right now.
that’s all for now. i should update more often. i must be getting old.
peace.
