My Life Thus Far

soundtrak: silence

+ yes, when was the last time i actually wrote something of substance? what have i been doing with my life? do i still keep a blog? yeah, ok… i’m using it, not abusing it… let’s go already! this is going to be rough, so be prepared…
+ i used to write all the time when i was younger. sometimes i just go back to those entries and read; i wrote about nothing, but i remember how i felt that day… when i stayed up 72 hours to write that grant proposal, the day i found out they messed up my graduation paperwork, my last day at umbc… good times. i don’t know why it’s so hard for me to write now. i don’t know why it’s so hard for me to just let the words flow. i don’t know when i started to become so concerned about what people think when i used to not care what people thought at all. what happened to my younger self?
+ in short, my boss doesn’t like me i think. since vacation, i have been working like a dog; i just go to work and work, i barely sit down at all. i would look for another job, but i’m seriously doing the school thing, so it’ll only be a couple of months. let the insanity begin.
+ yes, i went on vacation; after the whole ‘thing’ went down with my boss (which i will never speak of again; i’m too pissed and upset to even think/talk about it), i told him that i was taking the next week off (out of the three weeks of accumulated vacation that i do have). i probably came to that decision around a tuesday, so everything happened in quick succession after that. i called naj and asked her if the next week would be a good week for her; we were talking about having me come out to san diego to come visit her all summer, but i didn’t realize how much of a workaholic i really am. once i got the go ahead, i found a decent deal on tickets (for something so last minute) and i was out of that piece. even though it was only for two days (flew in monday, flew out thursday… hey, there’s a reason why they were a decent price, ok…), it was the best time i’ve had in a long time. i hadn’t seen naj in awhile and it was good just to talk to her (especially in the low-humidity sun) and catch up. i think she understands my family situation more than anybody else i know, mostly because her family is pretty much the same way. i even got to walk around UCSD, which my adviser impressed on me to go ahead and apply. i wasn’t sure since it’s all the way on the west coast, but i like the campus and the area around it (naj lives around), so i’m gonna do it.
+ the school apps are going good but slow. i’m studying consistently for my gre’s, contacting programs and people (i met with my adviser before vacation; she was excited for me, which got me really excited… sometimes you gotta have people that remind you that you’re not crazy, you know?). i just want to succeed, i just want to move forward.
+ talking about moving forward, abbs is finally graduating. i know it’s been an ordeal with her stuff (you know what i’m talking about girl), but i’m so happy for her because i always knew she would finish. and i’m happy that she’s happy and she’s going to be moving on.
+ let’s see, what else: it seems that Y and i are in limbo… there is no other word for it. i don’t know what we’re doing. we hang out fine, but there is something else there. even naj says she’s always seen in (since middle school…. daaag woman!). but i just don’t know; half of the time, i’m debating and the other half, i think it’s silly. it is kind of… a little. anyways, more on this later.
+ i was watching some daria (you remember that charming animated show that used to come on mtv) and then the movie: daria: is it fall yet? i loved that show, i loved the sarcasm because i was one of the people that just *get* it. i used to feel like daria; i didn’t want to let people in because i didn’t want to get hurt. maybe i’m still like that a little bit, but i think i’m starting to get a little bit better at it. but daria, some good memories from that show.

here’s to writing sooner than later and stopping impromptu hiatuses. cheers.

peace.