soundtrak: yeah yeah yeahs :: turn into

- T and i tend to go in this cycle. after i decide that i will talk to him again, we’ll talk almost everyday. we’ll meet up and it’s all good. it’s great. then, we’ll plan to do something or go somewhere and he’ll totally flake out on me for no reason. then i don’t talk to him for a period of time. he always, always does this; i don’t even know why i’m surprised anymore. this time, i was trying to hold my feelings back because i knew he was going to do it; i was waiting for it. it happened this week. he was supposed to go out with CB and i for dinner, but he made up some lame excuse like he always does. he’s unreliable. i don’t know why i thought it would be any different. talking to him this morning (i have to break the cycle don’t i?), i didn’t directly call him out on it, but i did:

me: i can’t believe that you made it out to work; you know, with the snow and ice and everything [this is the reason he used not to come to dinner mind you]
T: money
me: i guess money trumps everything, doesn’t it
me: it’s all good. everybody has priorities.

i’m such an ass.

- on sunday i was at work (i know, i’m a masochist), when B and Y called me (yes, both! on three way) to see if i wanted to catch a movie. i know i said a long time ago that i would never go out with these pair of losers again (somewhere it’s in my archives), but i was bored. and when i’m bored, i’ll do pretty much anything. out of all the outings i’ve ever had with these guys, this was one of the weirdest. it was like dating two guys at the same time, both trying to vie for my attention. i’m not used to being the pretty girl; i’m used to being ignored and left off to the side and i kind of miss that sometimes. anyways, B paid for my movie ticket while Y paid for my dinner (birthday month! i claim it!). it was like they were tag-teaming me or something. B would comment on my perfume and Y would sniff my neck. it was odd, but hey… free dinner (wow, i am an ass).
- people in lab are driving me insane. i really, really didn’t want to come in today (especially with all the snow and ice, it would have been easy). the new biologist whistles all the time… and you know how much i hate whistling. the other postdoc talks on the phone to her friends in asia all. daggone. day. and then AW is a lazy bum who i cannot depend on. i just put on my earphones and escape to my music world. seriously, i’m tired of being run over by people. i guess, hence the ass-like behavior. waiting to hear back from schools and then dealing with these people, i’m stressed out. my counselor was right; i need a break. thank goodness i’m taking time next week. i think i’m going toe explode.
- just when i thought it would be the end of another typical week, i got an email from jam; his birthday was last week and i sent him a care package (complete with chapatti.. yum!). he told me i was awesome. totally made my morning.

peace