soundtrak: oasis :: slide away

- soundtrak: oldie, but a goodie. i don’t know how i feel about oasis’ new album, but i do love the old stuff and i always will.
- my fingernails were a bright orange for most of the week, but then i painted them white again. they’re chipping again, so i think i might go with electric blue. nice.
- i have been involved in this conflict (that i have chosen not to blog about) for the past year and a half now. it’s beginning to swallow up my life; up to 50%. i feel that because i choose not to blog about it, in turn, i haven’t been blogging in general. i still choose not to blog about it, but it’s annoying as hell. i’m frustrated because there seems to be no end in sight and other people are getting involved (and they aren’t going to help) and right now, i’m at the point where i just might curse or fight someone, they really took it there.
- and now is not the time for me to feeling stress; my GRE exams are within the next two weeks. i. do. not. need. this.
- also, with work, we’re starting this huge mouse immunization study. so that would entail that i must become trained in animal handling, especially of the rodent variety. this past week, i was feeling unwell with sinus inflammation and i took off on wednesday (and took my fill of new tyra, maury and a little bit of jerry on the side). i come back on thursday to find that i have animal training in the morning. they also failed to mention that i would have to do the hands-on part. i failed to mention that i don’t touch live rodents, but can dissect dead (very dead) ones… and mice at that. but i tried to suck it up and take it like a (wo)man, but when they pulled out those three huge rats, all i could hear in my head was the boy telling me about his experience with rats, “they’re huge, nasty and ugly… and they bite!” over and over and over again. so when my instructor told me to come over and hold one (mind you, i had backed to the far corner of the room), i calmly said, “no.” and when i say “no” that means, i’m. not. holding. that. live. nasty. rat. period! so i spent the rest of the time watching jan inject, bleed, sedate and eventually kill euthanize the rats and mice. when i got back to lab, i told my boss and he stressed to me the importance of the project and my role specifically (but no pressure… really…). so it looks like i’m going to have to suck it up and do it (especially all those blood smears i’m going to have to do when everybody is going to that conference that i really wanted to go to…). all in the name of science; i need to co-authored somewhere.
- talking about being co-authored… i just might be. some manuscripts are up in the air, but yes! my work will not go in vain!
- i have to admit; i have the hugest crush on josh jackson right now. and not to mention his new tv character is smart as hell (190 IQ?!); the ultimate turn on for me. is it bad that i just watch that show for him? ehh, i don’t care.
- it was funny, i was having this conversation with my mom the other day; how i overlook a guy’s interest in me. apparently, there is quite a long list. i don’t know; my focus is elsewhere.
- also shoutout to aabs on entering her last year in her PhD candidacy. i’m jealous and i wish i were you (i could have been done in ‘09! i could have been a contender!), but i told you it was going to work out!

anyways, i’m off.
peace.

soundtrak: nightmares on wax :: da feelin’

- when i was born, my mom was 22. she was young and fresh to america. when my dad went to school, she stayed home or did odd jobs. as her first child, she didn’t know that in order to spur speech development, one should speak to their child. the child picks up on the inflections and syllables, learning to speak. so, for my first year, she did not talk to me. i didn’t start to talk until i was about four (to add upon the other developmental problems i have). my mom says that i was always quiet since, just watching and observing. i think that’s why i’m so comfortable in silence now; tele-watching tv with T, sitting in the car with jam in the rain, riding the train with mr. unattainable. there’s just something about the stillness, the soft padding of muteness that i love.
- i love the quiet, but i also love the music; wee! new nightmares on wax! click on it. listen to it. love it!
- i have painted my nails electric blue. apparently, it’s the new color for fall. well, navy blue is, but close enough.
- just when i’m about to drop him off the friend list, T just does something amazing to make me fall in love with him all over again. he must have some sort of radar or something… he’s still a jerk sometimes, but i love him.
- work is going good. making progress, experiments working, being appreciated by my peers (i really like that part alot). i keep on hearing stories from my old lab from MD (who has also moved on to another lab); it’s not good. so when i was lamenting to aabs this week about applying to programs again and feeling bad that everyone that i started with (including her! yes you, aabs!) is finishing up. even though i could have changed things, i know things happen for a reason. there were lots of reasons why i had to leave, some that i might go into detail with. maybe.
- one word: football! ‘nough said.

peace.

soundtrak: seba :: steel

- first, so i can get it out of the way. this is the 100th post here at the newest reincarnation of delusions of grandeur. it was supposed to be more ‘grandeur’ than this, but life is disappointing sometimes.
- when you accidentally leave the soundtrack of your life, your iPod, at work, it’s always good to have a backup iPod shuffle at home. my early morning workout is saved.
- i love the familiar; i take comfort in it. i repeat the song of the moment over and over again until it becomes ingrained in my brain. i read my favorite books more than thrice, my favorite movies more than that. it’s easy to fall into routine; as humans, we are built this way. over the past couple of weeks, some routines have returned to me and i have welcomed them back. some i’m still trying to change. talking about change, i see it. i don’t want to go into too much detail about it because it’s something that i should keep to myself (and i have only told three people about), but it’s exciting and scary all at the same time. it’s exciting to see what’s coming next, but scary because i’m not quite sure how i’m going to get there. and i have to be patient. *sigh* always patient.
- so i was finishing up some last minute pipetting, talking to jan as she finished some last minute stuff so we could finally leave already. the pipetting was making my tendonitis flare and since i didn’t have my iPod on me (and thus, that’s why it was left at work), i began to sing to ignore the pain… loudly and very off key (which defies the purpose if you can sing, but when i’m tired, it’s the only way). the song… i forgot the name of the song… but i was singing the chorus when jan decided to open the lab door and leave it open, my back to it, furiously pipettng away and singing badly. it was at this time, a man walked by, stopped and stared first at me, then jan with a look on his face, then they both began to laugh. of course, i was completely oblivious to all this until told, but i laughed anyways. i’m sure i’ll pass that guy in the hallway and he’ll look at me like i’m nuts. ha! we laugh waaaaay too much in lab, but jan is really that funny.
- plans for the long weekend: none. can’t i just sleep. actually, ames’ birthday is on thursday and she wants to go bowling…in falls church. woman lives down the street from me, but she wants to go bowling in falls church… the things i do for the people i miss.

that is all.
peace.

soundtrak: coldplay :: viva la vida

- so much to write, so little time. i don’t like to stay on my computer for long when i get home since it runs hot and makes my room super hot. i end up turning it off and reading and writing (i’m not going to lie; i’ve been doing more reading than writing). i’ll read anything i can get my hands on: newspapers, magazines, books (just not my 400 books that i haven’t read yet, of course). usually with summer, for me, brings reading.
- it is really summer; it was just straight hot and humid today. of course, i spent most of the day in lab, but still. gah summer!
- hung out with some of the high school crew yesterday. ani called me up friday and invited me to a memorial day bbq with mr. forrest and his family. i haven’t seen them in 2-3 years since the last time we met and i had nothing else to do, so why not? the usual suspects were there: Y, B and ‘ana. what a mess; ani and ‘ana had a hot and heavy thing going on in high school that was never resolved and of course, B and i. but despite all that, a good time was had. forrest and wife have another child, a boy; just a month old, i got to hold and feed him. it was crazy; i don’t know what to do with newborns, i feel like i could break them. ani left early to meet up with his girl (more on him later; strange vibes from him), which left B or Y to take me home. just like old times. we tried to see if we could go see a movie (like old times), but i still have no money (even though B was ever so generous to pay for me) and i had to get up early for work this morning. B drove me home, which was weird. we have this thing; i hate his guts but he’s an ok guy. they are still trying to convince me to go the reunion, but i refuse. ani insists on paying (and i am not hating on other people paying), but i don’t know.
- talking high school, CB called me friday too. it was good catching up; trying to go to a vegan restaurant soon.
- it’s like any song from coldplay, i fall in love with; with me, coldplay can do no wrong. i was scared i wasn’t going to like this song, but i’m a sucker for ’strings’ songs (as a former violinist, of course…. is it former if i still own the violin).
- i don’t really talk about work to friends; not because i’m not supposed to, but … i don’t know. the lab is small, just another biologist that also graduated from GU, who i will call jan, and a student that will stay for us up the end of the year. everybody gets along well and jan is crazy like i can get, so we have gelled well. the thing i like the most about work is that i live just down the road. granted, the road is crazy jammed during rush hour, but with the way i drive, i can get home in 20, which is about the same commute that i would have with the old lab without all the traffic. but i like it; it’s not as big as where i used to be, but i like the quiet and calm.

peace.

soundtrak: kings of convenience :: i don’t know what i can save you from (royksopp remix)

- i’ve been sort of not in the mood for writing or even thinking for that matter. today is cold and we have a two hour delay at work, yet i’m still at work (even though we had no power when i woke up this morning). CB thinks i’m crazy.
- being the complete masochist i am, i emailed mr. unattainable on his birthday this week. of course, he emailed me back, wishing me a happy (belated) birthday and telling me all the wonderful things going on in his life. he’s doing his oral comp exam today. i didn’t know if should be more upset about our whole situation or the fact that he’s proceeding with his PhD and i’m not. i still don’t know how to take it, but i’m feeling better about it today. i’m sure he’ll do just fine, i emailed him back. then trashed the conversation.
- talking about schools… man, i don’t even know if i want to go into this… dr. a really, really screwed me over. she really messed with my future and i’m still upset about it. if you really want to know, email me. i can’t talk about it here. the good news is that everything is back on track and i hope to be hearing from the last two schools i applied to soon, so i can finally move on with my life already. i hate being in this holding pattern.
- because of the whole thing that happened last week, lab has become a place that i don’t enjoy too much anymore (despite the fact that i’m here). i come later than usual and leave earlier than necessary. i just do the work. in less than a month, i’m out of here.
- the whole picture-with-every-entry is holding me accountable to what i write. i can’t write crap anymore, well considering i have to find a picture or take one to post with it. i like it; it’s a challenge.
- new music: so i have an account at the hype machine, which is good for finding songs that i’m interested in, but not sure if i want to buy yet. i downloaded alot of royksopp this week, which is nice. this remix i like alot. also, i got that new lenny kravitz’s single; i like it.
- i’ve been cramping up alot during my workouts; mr. f says it’s because i’m way dehydrated, so i’ve been back on the water and eating better, which has jumpstarted my weight loss again. i drank up to 2-L a day, but stopped cold mainly because i hated going to the bathroom every 30 minutes. i guess in the name of health…
- i would really, really like a valentine. that’s all i’m saying… some flowers would be nice.

that’s all for now, i guess.

peace.