sountrak: silence

i read everyday. i’m an avid reader of pretty much anything, from magazine articles to blog entries to books, etc. i’ve been reading all this great writing, which has inspired me to write, at least a blog entry, but for the life of me, i can’t. i have this ideas for entries, but they never make it down to paper. it doesn’t help that i spend 70 hours a week in lab and my crap computer is slow as dirt. and i just can’t bring myself to call a hiatus for just a bit.
so i don’t know what this entry means; i guess, i’m still alive and i’m still intending on writing something even though i haven’t in awhile, but if i don’t, don’t be mad, because i warned y’all.

yeah, i guess that’s it.

peace.

soundtrak: meiko :: boys with girlfriends

- i’m not shattered, emotionally or physically, but my passenger side window is. i’m so pissed; all these bad things keep on happening to me. thankfully, T was online to give me referrals and advice. also, i already planned to take off tomorrow for my exam on tuesday, so i’ll have time to get that done.
- adding on to bad things happening to me: apparently i still owe the state of MD $800+ from 2006. i’m soo tired of this sh*t. it’s not even funny anymore and it’s getting tired fast.
- ani is taking this biotech certificate thing and i’ve been helping him with molecular biology techniques. it’s nice to feel used.
- i have this idea. it might work, if i wasn’t so apathetic…
- go redskins! four in a row!
- best movie i watched this morning: what’s up, doc?

and i’m done for today.

peace.

soundtrak: oasis :: slide away

- soundtrak: oldie, but a goodie. i don’t know how i feel about oasis’ new album, but i do love the old stuff and i always will.
- my fingernails were a bright orange for most of the week, but then i painted them white again. they’re chipping again, so i think i might go with electric blue. nice.
- i have been involved in this conflict (that i have chosen not to blog about) for the past year and a half now. it’s beginning to swallow up my life; up to 50%. i feel that because i choose not to blog about it, in turn, i haven’t been blogging in general. i still choose not to blog about it, but it’s annoying as hell. i’m frustrated because there seems to be no end in sight and other people are getting involved (and they aren’t going to help) and right now, i’m at the point where i just might curse or fight someone, they really took it there.
- and now is not the time for me to feeling stress; my GRE exams are within the next two weeks. i. do. not. need. this.
- also, with work, we’re starting this huge mouse immunization study. so that would entail that i must become trained in animal handling, especially of the rodent variety. this past week, i was feeling unwell with sinus inflammation and i took off on wednesday (and took my fill of new tyra, maury and a little bit of jerry on the side). i come back on thursday to find that i have animal training in the morning. they also failed to mention that i would have to do the hands-on part. i failed to mention that i don’t touch live rodents, but can dissect dead (very dead) ones… and mice at that. but i tried to suck it up and take it like a (wo)man, but when they pulled out those three huge rats, all i could hear in my head was the boy telling me about his experience with rats, “they’re huge, nasty and ugly… and they bite!” over and over and over again. so when my instructor told me to come over and hold one (mind you, i had backed to the far corner of the room), i calmly said, “no.” and when i say “no” that means, i’m. not. holding. that. live. nasty. rat. period! so i spent the rest of the time watching jan inject, bleed, sedate and eventually kill euthanize the rats and mice. when i got back to lab, i told my boss and he stressed to me the importance of the project and my role specifically (but no pressure… really…). so it looks like i’m going to have to suck it up and do it (especially all those blood smears i’m going to have to do when everybody is going to that conference that i really wanted to go to…). all in the name of science; i need to co-authored somewhere.
- talking about being co-authored… i just might be. some manuscripts are up in the air, but yes! my work will not go in vain!
- i have to admit; i have the hugest crush on josh jackson right now. and not to mention his new tv character is smart as hell (190 IQ?!); the ultimate turn on for me. is it bad that i just watch that show for him? ehh, i don’t care.
- it was funny, i was having this conversation with my mom the other day; how i overlook a guy’s interest in me. apparently, there is quite a long list. i don’t know; my focus is elsewhere.
- also shoutout to aabs on entering her last year in her PhD candidacy. i’m jealous and i wish i were you (i could have been done in ‘09! i could have been a contender!), but i told you it was going to work out!

anyways, i’m off.
peace.

soundtrak: nightmares on wax :: da feelin’

- when i was born, my mom was 22. she was young and fresh to america. when my dad went to school, she stayed home or did odd jobs. as her first child, she didn’t know that in order to spur speech development, one should speak to their child. the child picks up on the inflections and syllables, learning to speak. so, for my first year, she did not talk to me. i didn’t start to talk until i was about four (to add upon the other developmental problems i have). my mom says that i was always quiet since, just watching and observing. i think that’s why i’m so comfortable in silence now; tele-watching tv with T, sitting in the car with jam in the rain, riding the train with mr. unattainable. there’s just something about the stillness, the soft padding of muteness that i love.
- i love the quiet, but i also love the music; wee! new nightmares on wax! click on it. listen to it. love it!
- i have painted my nails electric blue. apparently, it’s the new color for fall. well, navy blue is, but close enough.
- just when i’m about to drop him off the friend list, T just does something amazing to make me fall in love with him all over again. he must have some sort of radar or something… he’s still a jerk sometimes, but i love him.
- work is going good. making progress, experiments working, being appreciated by my peers (i really like that part alot). i keep on hearing stories from my old lab from MD (who has also moved on to another lab); it’s not good. so when i was lamenting to aabs this week about applying to programs again and feeling bad that everyone that i started with (including her! yes you, aabs!) is finishing up. even though i could have changed things, i know things happen for a reason. there were lots of reasons why i had to leave, some that i might go into detail with. maybe.
- one word: football! ‘nough said.

peace.

soundtrak: rae and christian :: all i ask

- it’s something about having an (anxiety) attack. i find that the weeks following, i’m very productive. my work in lab has been going well and my boss was impressed. i also mailed in my registration forms for my GREs and i’m signed up. it’s good, i’m excited. one month to study. wee! i don’t really think about when i start to feel like it’s too much and i guess that’s where my problem lies: i don’t know where to stop before it gets too much. i don’t know.
- i like this song. it kind of took a minute to grow on me.
- out of boredom, i painted my nails white. actually, i don’t own any nail polish, so i went out to target one day and just bought white.
- me and writing: somedays, i want desperately to write here and other days, i just don’t. i’m trying to find the balance so that i don’t completely abandon my blog. i know that writing will help me out with alot of the things that i’m going through, but i can’t even write in my personal journal, let alone here. i know it’s my defense mechanism kicking in: if i don’t talk about it, i can pretend that it’s not there. just typing that out is hard for me. hmm.

anyways, that’s all from me for now. my life is very minimal at best, so the updates come when they come.

peace