soundtrak: de la soul: 4 more (ft. zhane)

(yes, that’s me… one of the only pictures i will upload of myself)

so this week ended better than i thought it would. by friday, i had a 30 page manuscript that i had to read for dr. a, a presentation that i had to make that day and experiments that were not trying to work for me at all. it was bad. i came in extra early friday and managed to finish reading the manuscript by 1030am. i checked my email and saw one that bbq had sent me. in short, bbq is engaged to be married. i found out several months ago, but i had yet to meet the fiancée. but this weekend, we had agape cafe and he agreed to play a piece and i knew he was going to bring her (i really just know him that well). not really going into it, the email had details about how they met and whatnot and at the time, i was under too much stress. i couldn’t deal with it. so i closed the email, pumped up the jams on my iPod and pounded out a presentation. i think i was even more hurt than when i found out that he got engaged, even more hurt when i knew that i would have to see them this weekend. feelings of inadequacy that i thought had left me had come rushing back. yay.
i finished my presentation in time for lab meeting and i presented. i think i was so preoccupied with how badly i was feeling, i didn’t realize the significance of presentation and what it would do to my current research project. dr. a was really excited about it. “aren’t you excited?” she asked me. i mustered a smile, “yeah.” so my work week ended better than it began, i think.

i’m the type of person that gets anxious with anticipation. i spent most of the day today at church, with service and rehersal and then prep for agape cafe. bbq and CS (i’ll call her… i mean, that will be their name after they get married) came a bit late, but i payed for their tickets (”it’s my wedding present,” i joked) and sort of left them to themselves. i was doing last minute prep with my drama pair (which i have to boast, stole the show for real; i’m so proud of them). after he played and after intermission, i went over and talked to them for a bit. i can see why they’re together now; they suit each other really well. bbq is kind of jokey, sometimes shy and very corny. her personality nicely compliments those aspects of bbq. it was cute to watch them. when he would get shy, she placed a comforting hand on his back. when he would get corny, she would laugh right along. i even have to admit, he’s gotten better about being organized and calling people back (he always used to be so bad at that) and isn’t what being a couple is all about. and really, i like her. so in the end, it was good. i think bbq was looking for a small seal of approval from me. well, he got it.

now i’m planning for this birthday party next week. everybody keeps on asking me if i’m gonna be cooking some kenyan food… *sigh* i spoiled these people in college for real.
also added my finetune playlist on the side. enjoy.
here’s hoping to this week being better than the last.

peace.

soundtrak: lily allen: smile

i don’t know why, but this week is turning out to be bad. went up to school today in the bitter bitter cold. now i know why whm fell asleep on the train last week. walking to the metro station, after awhile, your feet just turn into lead and before you know it, your dragging. and then when you get to the train, all the people and the heater blasting make the environment superheated and you just fall asleep. anyways, school wasn’t at bad as last week, but i knew i had work waiting for me coming back to lab.
dr. a stopped by after i had finished my bench work for the day. she reminded me that i need to start (i haven’t started?) doing research for and writing up my research proposal. i haven’t even done the written part of qualifiers… looks like the honeymoon period is officially over. tried for an hour to look up some articles, but our lab (our *new* building) was just too cold and i had a headache and i was uncomfortable. so i left.
came home and relaxed some. apparently, my cousin, who stays with us, was calling my cell to pick her up from work. first of all, i don’t know your schedule, i can’t read minds. you need to open your mouth and tell me! second of all, she ended up taking the bus and then had the nerve to have attitude with me when she walked through the door. oh no. you know i don’t check my cell; i told you that, so don’t get mad. and shall i reiterate the first point: i can’t read your mind! anyways. whatever. i didn’t want to get into all that.

i was talking to MD in lab the other day about this situation that i have somehow gotten myself into. ahh. do i talk about it or not? anyways, it all boiled down to this: “you don’t trust yourself,” she concluded. “huh,” i was confused. “you don’t trust yourself around him.” and it just got me thinking about the whole thing of ‘trusting yourself’. i don’t think i’ve ever trusted anything that i have ever concluded on my own. yeah, so the whole going-to-graduate-school-get-that-PhD-thing… i know you’re wondering about that decision. that’s easy. i’m not saying that it was laid out for me to follow, but once the decision was made, it was easy to follow the outline. they even say when you ask a friend for advice, you have already made the decision for yourself and you’re just looking for someone close to you to validate your decision. i feel like all the decisions i have made so far have been ‘validated’, popular decisions. i don’t necessarily have a problem with that, but i guess just discovering that fact about myself is what’s surprising to me. as for this situation, i have made a decision. the easy way, the popular way; it’s the best way for me right now.

peace.

soundtrak: lily allen: LDN

i haven’t been blogging lately. a combination of just being busy with school and just apathy. things have been decreasingly going bad at school, which culminated this past tuesday. just a whole bunch of stuff that i don’t want to get into. but it seems that things are getting better now. comprehensive exams are set to begin soon. and once i pass those, it’s just the beginning of the end.

this past thursday was my birthday, one of the best birthdays i’ve had in a long time. lots of phone calls, messages and emails. i never felt so loved. it was a good feeling. the lab bought me lunch and a vegan apple pie. i was ecstatic; it has been almost a year since i’ve eaten any sort of pastry/cake. at home, the fam got me a vegan carrot cake. i was in heaven. i am planning on having a party in the next two weeks. people are excited about it, so in turn, that makes me excited too.

i’m working on chiIQ.com as i go. i’m not really a website maven, but i’m learning bit by bit as i go. i also need to start working on the church website that i keep on delaying and delaying.

great bit that happened to me today: so we’re putting on another agape cafe at our church. i’m not the main planner like i used to be due to my other obligations, but i was asked to coach one of the skits for the program. the kids were pure genius and i think i missed my calling. “i should drop out of school and become an acting coach,” i told my students and one of them replied, “no, you should be a doctor. save some lives.” thanks.

peace.