soundtrak: sara bareilles :: one sweet love

- it’s been a good and bad week. i don’t know; i was really excited for the week to begin. this is the week i was planning on turning my appeal, when mom was coming back and i had various abstracts due for some scientific meetings coming up. the days following up to this week just got increasingly better to the point i have begun to dance and sing in lab (much to the chagrin and delight of MD and AW). i just haven’t been this happy in weeks.
- i’m turning in my appeal tomorrow (by hand; my school has a tendency to lose materials that i send by certified mail). everything is ready, just a couple of last edits. i just feel good about it. i feel good about getting it done and out. and i have to thank everyone here that’s just given me words of encouragement and prayers. i have grown by leaps and bounds these past 60 days and it’s all thanks to you. the growing and the hard work won’t stop; even if i don’t get back into this program, i have to keep on keeping on. i have so many other people to thank.
- more feeling good: mom is coming back today. i’m picking her up tonight. i just miss her so much. i miss talking to her everyday and hugging her everyday and laughing with her everyday (even arguing with her everyday). i’m also eager to hear about grandma and how she’s doing.
- even more feeling good: working out has been going really well this week. i feel energized; i’m working on my pace and endurance, reaching for two-40 min. workouts a day. i can’t work out for an hour in the morning because i come into lab early and if i have a meeting in the evening, i don’t workout in the afternoon. i’m just trying to do the best i can.
- jules’ wedding was this past weekend. it was nice; it was beautiful. i saw some old college friends of mine and CB; her boyfriend went to high school with jules and the groom. it was a black wedding, so of course we did the electric slide, followed by the cha-cha slide and some other group dance songs. i did the first two in heels (heels!) before i sat out. never again.
- talking about weddings, my friend just emailed for my address so she could give me a wedding invitation. i have already been to/seen about 7 weddings this spring/summer. i don’t have anything against marriage or anything like that, but dag! a sister is broke! i think i have about 3-4 more weddings to go this year, culminating in my cousin’s (who’s the sister of my cousin that got married earlier this spring) wedding on new year’s eve.
- just funny: so i was telling my friend, ani (from high school) that i need a man that can cook and clean. “why?!” he asked me. well, somebody has to stay at home with the adopted kids… (lol! i’m not going through childbirth if i don’t have to!)
- chiiq.com update: plan to update music (because i have new music… wee!) and i still have to put my 101/1001 page up. also, i wanted to do an entry on high school since i’ve seen alot of people from high school lately.

anyways, gotta get to work.

peace.

soundtrak: mylo :: valley of the dolls

as of today, i have lost 120 pounds.

shopping has been a rather odd experience. aabs and i went to a couple stores as i am looking for a dress for my friend’s wedding this weekend. i’m at the point where i’m between the plus size department and regular size department. it’s frustrating because stores tend not to carry the smallest or the largest size, so alot of the styles i liked were not in my size. with the dresses that did fit, they didn’t fit well. we left defeated.
when i was larger, i was comfortable because i knew where to get the clothes that would fit me the best. i didn’t have to try on or think, ‘do these jeans fit right?’. i had my basic wardrobe all set. now i need a new clothes, but i have no money (thank you maryland government).
it’s other things too. i get approached more often by members of the opposite sex; i’m not quite sure how to deal with this one. somedays i miss that anonymity; being ignored. i find myself still thinking like i was still 100+ pounds. it’s work in progress.

peace.

soundtrak: bent :: exercise 4

- i know this is going to be a very long summer. i just turned in an abstract for a meeting i have in september and my data is looking kind of wack. do you know what means? working all through august baby. i was planning on taking a vacation at the beginning of august, but i don’t have any money anyways.
- on friday, i was working on four hours of sleep. not like i haven’t done it before (sleeping at 1, waking up at 4 to come into lab before leaving at 7 to get to class), but summer is supposed to be a slower time. i stayed in lab until 2 to work on data and this abstract. why didn’t i work from home, you ask? because you and i know i would have fallen into bed and woken up in the morning with nothing done. i was super stressed thursday/friday morning; my back was on fire. but it’s a lesson learned; procrastinate no more.
- that whole burring of the midnight oil thing totally screwed up my sleeping schedule; i’ve been fatigued through the weekend, without a good chance to sleep. i woke up this morning feeling a little ill; i’m still at home, trying to figure out if i’m going to make it into work today (as i sit typing this entry… classy)
- this afternoon, i’m going up to school to talk with my co-mentor and any other professors i can run down. i need to find advocates or this appeal is not going to work. also, talking with nic last week, i need a place where i know i’m getting the support and help that i need. we all need to be on the same page about things; things have got to change if we want them to work. i’m kind of anxious about the whole thing, because i don’t know what to expect when i go down there. i’m just praying and hoping for the best.

peace.

soundtrak: common: it’s your world

i was reading this post about being/turning 27 and i started to do a little research on it.

so it seems, the 27th year is associated with saturn’s return, an astrological event in which the planet saturn returns, after it orbits the sun, to the exact place at a person’s birth, which is approx. 29.5 years. it is said that at this time, a person experiences events that will challenge their significance, in which a person evaluates their life. this is time that people usually settle down, get married, etc.

now, i don’t believe in astrology, but the number seven has it’s own special significance to me. i knew that 27 would be a special year for me, but i didn’t expect what’s happening to me now to be happening to me. i have had to do alot of self-evaluation of my morals, my beliefs, my ideals, my dreams and my issues. especially the latter, things that i have been trying to push from the forefront of my mind. i’ve been pushing along hoping that i wouldn’t have to deal with these things, to achieve my goals, but i now realize that it was never going to work that way.

and it’s painful, i can’t lie. it’s painful dealing with all the issues; reopening old wounds and healing them the right way. but i know in the end, i’ll be better for it. even when i thought i was having the best day a couple of months, years ago, life can be even better than that.

peace.

soundtrak: daft punk :: too long

- chiiq.com updates: as you can see, i have updated music. i always try to have a theme for each month (or when i get the chance to update it), but then i end up downloading some song(s) that i adore so much, i have to upload it. i was going to with something quieter, to fit my depressive moods, but then i just downloaded a buttload (do people still say that?) of drum n’ bass and i haven’t stopped dancing yet (which has reallly helped to pick up mood so i can get stuff done). i also added the radio.blog player to the side panel; you can pop-up the player. for a complete playlist, visit the music page. on other updates, i recently added a creative commons license to the site because i will be posting some prose work soon (hopefully). still internally working on my (new) 101/1001 list (as in starting over…).
- i find that i really like being by myself; working by myself, reading by myself, watching tv by myself…. this week i was running an experiment for dr. a and i had the whole lab to myself (since people took off for the 4th) and i was loving it; i didn’t mind that i was doing somebody else’s work or that i could have been doing something else. however, when one of the post-docs came in, i was instantly moody, wanting to finish up quickly. i think that’s why i like coming in so early in the morning; nobody is here and i end up getting so much done.
- appeal writing went much better this week; i’m happy. i was sitting in lab yesterday morning; i couldn’t concentrate, so i unplugged everything and went up the 7th floor and just typed and typed and typed. the draft is crap, but at least i have a draft. i feel like i’m getting somewhere.
- ha! you see, i’m posting everyday. that’s because i’m not writing everyday. i’m trying to make it a point to at least write once a day, but because of the crazy schedules i have, sometimes when i come to the keyboard to start something afresh, i end up not writing anything at all. so i have started a couple entries on wednesday, working on them piece-meal, so i can have something to post once a day. i have alot of entries in my head that i have just waiting to get out; some from months ago. so let the writing begin.
- honestly, i haven’t been to the gym all week. my body keeps on acting up everytime i bring my gym bag with me (because i haven’t been able to wake up early enough since this whole appeal thing started; battle of the mind). my hamstring is feeling better, but then it’ll just hurt out of nowhere. my knees have been hurting on and off even though i haven’t been doing any activity and i’ve been having back spasms for the past three days. i think it’s just stress and i’m aiming to make next week better than this one.

happy weekends everyone.
peace.