soundtrak: kanye west :: everything i am

- i’ve been sort of out of it lately. i don’t know if it’s because i’m working hard (and i need to; i have alot of crap to do), but i just don’t have an emotion in particular. i’m just here.
- MD is better talking to cute postdoc than i am. i dissolve into a giggling mess; it’s not my fault that everytime MD and i have an encounter with him, she’s always being funny. i don’t know; it’s like this force field thing, whenever he asks me a question or something, my mind goes blank and i get that deer-caught-in-the-headlights look. *sigh*. anyways, like most of the postdocs here, cute postdoc is from overseas and unfortunately, he’s leaving at the end of the year. ahh well… it’ll be nice while it lasts.
- my vacation was okay. i mostly slept, watched tv and movies and read a couple of books. i think i had to reset my body clock. not that i haven’t been sleeping well, but i mostly sleep because i have to… kind of like the same way one recharges a battery… you gotta do it for the battery to work. but you know how if you recharge a battery before you run it out, you shorten the battery life? that’s how i was feeling before vacation. i would sleep, but i wasn’t really getting the rest that i needed and i was running out of power daily.
- one day, i went to the bookstore and i found this book, The Five Rules of Thought. i don’t usually take these things seriously, but i cracked the book open. The first rule basically says that one should focus on their desires and an unfocused thoughts usually lead to not only wasting your time and energy, but wasting other people’s time and energy. i know that i have been unfocused for the past couple of weeks months and i really need to focus on what i need to do. i’m tired of wasting time spinning my wheels.
- i also looked through the book, The Law of Attraction. i’m skeptical about that too, but he made a couple of good points, including how statements, positive and negative, affect not only ourselves, but others around us. he recommends that we don’t use the words, can’t, won’t, don’t and no, because we tend to focus on the word that follows the negative word. for example: don’t panic (and you know in the movies, people automatically start panicking). instead, change the statement to be neutral, if not postive. so instead of don’t panic, stay calm. of course, that entails really thinking about what you’re going to say before you say it, but i could see how it could have a positive effect. i have been still feeling down about just getting my masters; it feels like a really expensive consolation prize. but because i’m seeing the situation that way, it’s been hard for me to focus on actually moving on.
- i’m really excited because my running is getting better, since i got sick. my weight loss has sort of stalled, which i think was mostly due to my diet (of mostly cocoa puffs and pops… the best sugary combo in the world) and my workout time, which decreased from 6 days a week to 3-4. but i revamped the diet; i went to the store and let me tell you, it was hard avoiding the sugar. but now i’m starting to see how my mood has been affecting my behavior (depressed leading to eating sugar to craving sugar to eating more sugar). i’m glad that things are really just getting better.

ok. back to work.

peace.